Hi all, spoke to arrhythmia nurse and mentioned the blood and she was concerned and said I might be called in once she has spoken to cardiologist, I mentioned that I had blood all around my mouth after the op, it might be linked. She also said I have a lot of scarring in the left ventricle, nothing can be done and I will have to take meds for life probably. This has left me very upset , I feel I have done this myself with past lifestyle habits . It feels like there is no up side. It seems dramatic I know but I’ve always been a healthy person until I fell in with the wrong person and I blame myself. I wonder if there is something natural that can help with the scarring. I’m trying so hard to improve myself but feel like I’m not getting anywhere. I’m so sorry if this sounds depressing but I needed to let it all out. I know stress is the biggest thing for me as Im with a narcissist but I’m learning to deal with that behaviour better than I was and I do intend on leaving if I can get stronger with my health. Sorry again if it’s not a positive post but I will keep you all updated if anything changes 🤞in a positive way 😊.
Update: Hi all, spoke to arrhythmia... - Atrial Fibrillati...
Update
Oh I’m so sorry. It must be very worrying for you and I do hope they get to the bottom of the bleed issue.
What’s done is done so we can’t undo the past so not helpful to blame yourself - I’ve just written a reply on another thread saying similar - I smoked, drank a bit, experimented a bit, too much stress and trauma from family, didn’t always eat well etc etc.
What I have learned is that once you accept you are where you are and focus on what you CAN do, it can really help. It takes time, research, experimentation as to what works for you and what not and a LOT of patience.
All I can say is that I am now in a much better place than I was 6 years ago.
For now - work on the acceptance. There is no one ‘natural’ cure but the best advice is either know how to respond to Narcissistic behaviour - they really know exactly how to rattle you - or get the hell out of there! It’s HELL but remember that it’s the behaviour that is unacceptable. Is the person being treated? If not, why not? What Narcissists are really good at is making you believe it’s your fault - repeat.
What Narcissists are really good at is making you believe everything is your fault - repeat AND then reframe your response.
Best wishes
Thank you , I went to church today and took myself out for the day. I feel much better. I think it’s because I was always a health nut then allowed myself to be taken in by someone like him. He never showed his true colours until, we lived together, once I was trapped but I have done a lot of research on narcissistic behaviour and I am better equipped now, I will get out but it’s not possible yet financially until I’m back at work but I live in hope. Expectance is key I know and again thank you.
Sorry to hear you are so low.I will be brief just now as I'm heading out for an appointment.
Firstly,ok ,if there is too much scarring to obtain a good result in terms of ablation,then meds for life it is.
I take meds for life already for high blood pressure and won't be worrying as the alternative is risky!
I'm not 100% convinced that ablation is the best option for our crazy hearts but I can see you are disappointed
You are approaching it all in a positive way,any changes that you make to lifestyle can only do you good all round. Many of say we end up, paradoxically,in better health generally after diagnosis!
Secondly, I urge you to consider your position with regard to your partner. It sounds ,frankly a toxic relationship and will not be ,I'm sure,conducive to getting to a better state of health. Physically and mentally our health is so intertwined that they affect each other.
If you need support to think of ways forward there are many agencies and services about
Sorry I haven't time to check out links.
Please keep your spirits up in the meantime .
Best wishes xx
Thank you, yes I am convinced all the toxic behaviour has contributed to my health problems as well, it’s not possible to get out yet financially but I’m working on it. I do feel better now than I did this morning but thank you so much for your kind words. I will try and stay positive.
A long time ago I spent 10 years in a toxic relationship hoping he would change. Then one day I literally ejected him from my life and I very soon came to realised how much better I felt without him . However I believe all the stress and angst over those awful years is largely responsible for the state of my health now. (I’m 72) . To cut a long story short I’ve recently had some bad episode of AF and all the anxiety that goes with it. I had my first appointment with a cardiologist yesterday who said that my heart echogram was fine but my electrics are worn out and I need a pacemaker. I’m just ok with that as AF is leaving me feeling exhausted and it will be good to be able to feel normal again! So no one should waste time on a lost cause!!
Thank you , when he has been in bed ill for a week and he is not around me I’m a different person, I’m happy and relaxed, I feel at peace but it’s only financially that I’m not in a position to otherwise I would walk away tomorrow. I am convinced it’s because of him that I’m like I am with my health. When his behaviour gets too much I now refuse to go anywhere with him and spend time alone. It’s not ideal but I will definitely leave him. I’m a kind person but I’ve never felt hatred like this for a person who is very ugly on the inside.
Glad you spoke to the arrhythmia nurse and glad you feel you can vent here! It's easy to blame ourselves when health conditions challenge us - I've definitely done the same re AF. But truth is there are many factors that can lead to poor health, and many of them are hidden. And life can be challenging - relationships, lack of money, unhappiness in work life, raising a family etc. So please stop blaming yourself because it only puts you in a position of weakness. You will have more inner strength than your realise. Having a church community that is supportive is a good thing - make sure you keep tapping into that and especially as your relationships circumstances are not good. Being on meds for the rest of your life isn't the end of the world. From.having AF you might be learning how to value yourself and your needs more because you are listening to your body. It is something that I have found through the AF journey and it is- weirdly- a positive.
Thank you, yes since AF I have a whole new appreciation for the small things in life and I do look after myself more now. I never looked at those things as a weakness but I see your point 😊.
I meant that if we blame ourselves we sort of lose some of the power we need to get back in track. It's important to recognise consequences of decisions we've made in our lives but if we self blame I don't think it helps us move forward. I speak as a serial guilt tripper!
Hi, yes I see what you mean. I think I have done the guilt thing too long and I need to give myself a break.
So sorry to hear of your troubles and hope you will be able to sort out the problems arising from your ablation soon. Please don't blame yourself as Singwell says. Do the best you can for yourself and try to look forward to a more positive future - and let us all know how you are doing. Good bless.
Thank you so much.
Bless you. Don't blame yourself, what's done is done. And it may have had nothing to do with it. I've had a healthy lifestyle, kept fit and I still got Afib whereas plenty of people have terrible lifestyle and live to be a healthy 100. It's partly genes.All you can do is move forward in the healthiest way you can as best you can once you have come to terms with the shock. I found it helpful to have a list of questions for the EP or arrythmia nurses when I called them and include everything no matter how stupid you think it sounds. They are the experts.
Good luck and a big hug coming to you too, if you don't mind! Xx
There is no doubt it is very often familial. I am one of 5 girls and we all have AF as did my father. I actually have a list of about 7 genes that are linked to it. I would love to know which ones I have, but have never got around to enquiring how I can find out !
Thank you your kind words are much appreciated.
Thank you very much . It’s so nice to have support on here.
One of the best lessons I’ve learned in the last decade is what I can and cannot control. (People and things)Good luck, Electric Blue!
Hi ElectricBlue.LEAVE NOW as your health will not improve with an abusive person.
Leaving will be a temporary down put you will POP UP again and feeling elevated and you have done the right thing you're move forward.
I had one and I travelled to UK with him. A Brit, a Pisces, a horrid person what more can I say.
Plan and tell someone you can trust and go.
I sent him a postcard from some extradordinary named place.
I got a bedsit after another friend had me stay for a while.
By having caring folks around helps.
I will send prayers.
Cheri. JOY
Hi, thank you , it’s hard for me as he waited until both our homes were sold then changed on me and as all the money is in one pot so to speak it’s not that easy. I know I need to get out and I will one day but for now education is key where narcissists are concerned. When I’m back working and healthier I will.
Hi ElectricBlueI know you will.
It will be the best ever day
Always live in his! Leave your home out of it!
Unless a man I love buys 1/2 in to my home with my right to buy it back - paying him that same money and interest back. Nothing will happen.
Take care
In NZ it is the 3 years mark when a relationship like as if married takes place.
Cheri. JOY
So, you're just hearing this now from the "nurse" about the scaring in the left ventricle, and this "nurse" says nothing can be done for it? This sounds fishy to me. Nurses do not make medical diagnoses, nor can they decide treatment. Seems like she should have advised you to speak to your doctor about this.
Hi, it was the arrhythmia nurse , she mentioned as we were talking that she noticed on my notes that there was quite a lot of scarring , I saw something on my notes about this but it didn’t read that bad to me but maybe her notes are different.
Questions about my mother's AF
12 month review......
Update - xx
