Bit of a dark place: Most of you here know my... - AF Association

AF Association
19,705 members24,098 posts

Bit of a dark place

Hidden
Hidden

Most of you here know my story, well last few weeks have been a big big drain on me, I've had constant debilitating ectopics for last 8 weeks or so, that coupled with reading into nsvt and ectopics on internet have really put me into a low dark place at the moment that I'm struggling to see any way out of, it's affecting my family and also worryingly giving me thoughts maybe I shouldn't be having, hopefully I still have time to rectify it and keep my family together.

Think it's best I leave the internet alone for a while until I can hopefully get back to feeling normal, I'd like to thank you all for your help and advice over last few years and wish you all a very merry Christmas and happy AF free new year.

👍👍👍

29 Replies
oldestnewest

Don't be stranger. I've been there, and probably will be again if recent events are anything to go by. I keep saying sorry to the OH for being a burden of stress and a ticking time bomb. I feel useless and demasculated at times. It's horrible. Please talk to your family about how you are feeling.

Timebomb. Exactly how I feel at times. Just a walking talking ticking timebomb

Hi, so sorry you are feeling so low. Have you got someone you can talk to, not family but a friend maybe? I do know how hard it can be especially when you have to rely on others to do everything for you. I was in that dark place and had bad thoughts, not that long ago. What kept me going was the knowledge that I would have destroyed my family. I have found talking about my feelings have helped. Don’t give up, we are here to help were we can. Keep strong. Pam

Hidden
Hidden

I got off all a fib sites and made myself quit googling a fib related subjects because I was getting obcessive about it and it was increasing my anxiety. Im back now as my health is better and I dont even think of a fib on a daily basis. Have hope, it can get better but sometimes it feels like a snowball rolling downhill. Take good care of yourself💜

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Hidden

Yes, I've been told ectopics are benign and harmless then read a medical paper saying opposite, same as nsvt, my consultant said in a structurally normal heart it's a benign condition...then read another medical paper saying it has poor prognosis.....it's completely flattened me😩😩😩

abbadabba
abbadabba
in reply to Hidden

I read many papers as well and the situation can be very hard to interpret. I think you can only start to take something as perhaps being true when there is a lot of agreement between different groups with well designed random controlled trials, where there are papers that don't assemble this level of evidence.

So it may be best to find an expert you rely on and primarily trust their opinion. I think fine to keep reading the papers (I do!) but you need it weighed up by somebody with many years experience in the field.

Hidden
Hidden

So sorry to hear you are having a difficult time right now Juggsy. We have the year about to turn and, for those of us up north, the welcome start of days getting longer and the Festive Season ahead and a new year. These are things to gladden and lift our spirits and I hope you will be feeling there are steps out of the deep, dark well of despondency. Please keep in touch. We have watched your progress and will welcome your continued input.

Chin up! Sending you a cyber hug. X

Looks like you gotta good few folk willing you on to better times, please try and stay positive and things will improve as they almost always do......

Hi, hope you didn't leave before reading these posts of support, but definitely stop the googling of articles intended for professionals. I am sorry you are having these dark thoughts, I know many of us have them and it depends on personality whether the clouds drift past or settle over heads longtime. You have always been very anxious and I agree it is past time for you to seek help. You've made a start here but you need more than hugs, though sending one too 🤗

As others have said Juggsy, talk to someone, especially your GP. Are you on antidepressants? My husband has depression and PTSD and I know just how hard it’s been for him (and me) at times. He’s now on medication which helps. This year has been hard on him with my health issues on top of his own. Make sure you speak with your wife. Our vows are “in sickness and in health, in good times and bad” (or words to that effect). Marriage is a partnership. Don’t carry your burden alone. Take care xx

Sorry to hear that Jugsy - you do what you need to do - know there is the support here as and when. We are all routing for you, travel well and I wish you better times.

Best wishes CD. X

I have had a awful time with them this year and can relate to your thoughts

I was also addicted to reading sites but

They fuel the anxiety mostly if your tests are good as mine are which is fantastic as so many other unfortunate people don’t get such results !! We need to push through as much as we can , tell your cardiologist your rock bottom and ask for

Meds to relieve the frequency , they have

Helped me considerably from having them for hours to very short spells ( fingers x )

Take anything that helps you get over the

Really bad times ( it will get better ) xx

Well hi Juggsy from another Afibber on here. If internet research is freaking you out, then yes stop for a while. Just until you can take a more detached view of the minefield of conflicting information. It's good to have really good information, taking responsibility for your understanding of your condition, and anything you can do re lifestyle factors, nutrition, meditation, etc to reduce the ectopics. But info overload, especially if you're on screen time at night, will whack your nervous system and the parts of it that control your heart rhythm. Then anything a bit out of ideal in your lifestyle or nutrition can get the ectopics going. I know, I used to get them so much it nearly drove me mad. Every time I'd lie down to rest, bam! and bam! again, so that I could not rest and became afraid to lie down or even try to rest. But I got through it. Magnesium, meditation, quitting things I knew weren't good for me, early to bed like clockwork, and I rarely have a single ectopic these days. Still on afib meds, so not out of the woods, but at least the ectopics aren't driving me crazy any more! All dark spaces pass, we just have to give them no energy or attention, but work steadily step by step in the direction we want to go, hold the love we know is shining inside us that is stronger than any dark moments or months.....

Try to stay strong and positive and talk to your GP. Give up reading things on the internet except this forum. AF is debilitating and it is a long journey to get treatment. Relaxation, deep breathing and meditation methods can help. It is hard for family and friends and they need to understand your anxieties so talk to them about it.

Try to enjoy the festive season ahead.

Thoughts and feelings are more of a challenge than physical symptoms. Telling people how you feel is a major step in the right direction. If you can seek help from GP to access otber services and perhaps medication.

You will get through this. Wendyb

Hidden
Hidden

The thought of our bodies failing and our mortality questioned arise to feelings of helplessness ,sadness and fear..

You are not alone in your thoughts if we are honest the majority of us feel that way some of the time if not all of the time..Especially so in my own circumstance when we have other people entirely dependant on us..

You are strong just believe in yourself and have faith you will get through this and remember it is always the darkest just before the dawn breaks..

Season Greetings,

Carolx

Hi Juggsy I too have been in that dark place solely to do with the ectopics which destroyed my life off work and no sleep for 2 years 2 ablation countless meds nothing worked! I asked to be put on Flecainide last year after hearing about it on this site I was very reluctant but had to try, it worked and I was overjoyed! Been on 3 holidays bavk to work and can now walk 5 miles I previouly could not get off the setee, I have now reduced my dose to half, please do not give up hope and get consultants to try other meds, thinking of you, Best wishes Ingrid

Please take care of yourself,talk to someone and let your family help.

Come on Jugsy, my friend this is just a blip. I've been there and it sounds like many others on here have experienced this low despairing feeling too. It's all part of our AF journey, but I can assure you that it won't be like it is now for ever.

I've felt really sorry for myself at times and thought what's the point, but the most supportive and understanding help has always been given by members of this forum. We are your AF family, we understand totally, so don't shut us out. Stay in the warmth of our care and concern.

Big healing hug

Jean

You have previously had a 6 month course of the SSRI antidepressant Citalopram. It sounds like you may need to talk to your GP about further treatment. My GP said that Sertraline was the best SSRI for cardiac patients.

Have you watched Dr Gupta’s video about NSVT, you might find it reassuring. One episode of 5 beats doesn’t sound significant. What did the cardiologist say after your investigations?

dmjtanner
dmjtanner
in reply to oyster

I just watched the video on nsvt, that is quite good and reassuring for those of us with ectopics and sometimes short bursts of chaotic “runs” of palpitations. Definitely worth a watch Hidden !

Hi juggsy

Please hang in there and know you have loads of support- your family needs you to. I’m the same age and got very ill this summer with this as the mom of three little kids- it’s a nightmare feeling like trash and like you can’t take care of your family. This is a bump in the road and will pass or get remedied period. You are young and healthy and your prognosis for all of this crap is great. The days are short- if you don’t have a light box I’d suggest trying it- wonderful for depression and anxiety this time of year. Please see someone to help you cope with this bump- I promise you happy times will be here again before you know it.

Warm thoughts from someone who has been there

I know this isn't what you want to hear. But stay strong and don't let this frustrating condition get to you. There is a lot of love for you out there as you can see by these messages. xxx

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to healme

Perfect message! Very true

I’m sorry you are feeling so bad juggsy and feel caught in the circle of symptom/anxiety. I agree that knowledge can be overwhelming and that we tend to look at the awful worst scenario, especially when plagued by ectopics.

I had 15 beats of nsvt show up on a Holter monitor and like you googled myself into a state. My cardiologist said he was not concerned at all and calculated the number of heartbeats I’d had since the run of nsvt. Those 15 beats looked like a very insignificant percentage. It helped me to think of the 15 beats as 15 PVC’s - which of course is what they were - and they have never recurred.

You’ll get through it - somehow we manage to find a way to look towards the light. You have one of the best EP’s in the country, so trust her and battle on.

Sending you a big healing cyber hug.

I think most of us have been where you are and feel total despair. You will survive and thrive. Pay more attention to your favoured medic and less to things on Google. Gain strength from this forum knowing we have all been where you are and some of us still feel that way but we are stronger for sharing with each other. All will be well, really it will. X

Sorry to hear that you have been feeling low. I think most of us have visited the dark place or at least felt "like why am I living?," Due to not having a good quality of life, but don't give up! I have pulled through and almost feel like my old(young) self again. Something you might consider: Watch the trailer for Forks Over knives, then the movie. It's very compelling. I haven't made the switch to that sort of diet yet, but looks like it makes a world of difference. I HAVE cut down on a lot of my old eating habits:

Very little sodas - once in a blue moon. Meat - I have smaller portions and less frequently eat meat ( almost always now grass fed/free range ). Less processed foods.

Trailer -


Movie -


Website - They have meal planner subscriptions. forksoverknives.com/

You CAN take back your life.

You may also like...