AF Association
14,290 members17,273 posts

Complicated Grief

Needs Assessment Results confirm how I feel. In 2005, my Mom died....someone who lovingly cared for all was abused and neglected in Nursing Homes. She went in for 3 weeks rehabilitation and fell trying to climb into a raised bed on her own while the staff who left her in a chair for hours were talking about their Christmas Holiday and gifts......and it gets worse as she broke her hip, bed sores etc. She fought to live because with Alzheimer's she thought her five children were little and needed her. My brother Donald living in Spain lost his partner of 49 yrs three weeks before. He was moving near me in NYC but died. I buried him in Malaga with his partner. When I returned home, my sister told me her cancer returned and spread. She died the following year and suffered great pain. Five months later I received a call that my kid brother, age 49, was killed in an accident. That's when I felt a black hole in my chest. My guess is SVT started then.

My social life, traveling, kayaking, hiking, dancing with Appalachian Mountain Club were on hold. I retired almost 4 years after my kid brother Kenny died to do the activities I love. Now I rest. My energy is low. I'm sad but stopped the Buproprion recently. My mood improved a bit. Still. I don't know how to be an only child. I have friends but can't do what we did together. I booked 2 weekends with the club on Fire Island as I did last year but didn't go...can't carry a backpack and hike through sand to get there. Plan to rent sheets,take a small pack with leggings, tops. Hope springs eternal. I am sleeping less eating better. Great muscle loss, hair grew back, skin n bones but gained ten of thirty pounds back. I miss my siblings. I'm happy I told you my story. I'm crying. Thank God for this community. Peace, health, happiness to all.

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What a dreadful time you have had, one tragedy after another. Makes us wonder how we battle on against such a backdrop of pain and grief and yet we do, somehow. Little wonder your SVT took hold and you have been dragged down by it all.

Clearly you are strong, perhaps you don't feel it but you must be in order to have come this far. I do wish you peace both physically and emotionally. In time you can rally, improve your physical and emotional health, reclaim your future and make a good life. You never know who might come into your life who could give you joy and a bright future. Please don't ever give up, you are due some good times and they may very well be just around the corner. Nothing goes on forever good or bad, you will come through this with determination and help. Very best wishes to you. Remember there are always people here to listen and support. X

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Thank you for your empathy and encouragement. I just took a deep breath.

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Sending you heartfelt hugs... 🤗

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always come and talk to us here- you are doing a great job- well done!!

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Losing one loved one is hard enough. You have really been through much more than anyone should have to. Our loved ones live on forever in our hearts - cherish the memories and the good times you shared. Take things one day at a time. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to talk, talk. If you need to write, write. This is a caring, supportive community. Hopefully soon you’ll be able to smile and laugh again. Listen to your body and take good care of yourself. Sending you love and hugs x

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Thank you Kaz. Understanding and kindness is a beautiful gift.

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I don't know what to say to help you feel better. But I am thinking of you and hoping there is a light not far away in the long dark tunnel you have had to travel through. xx irina

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Thank you for your kind words.

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Just tried replying to your p.m. but msg stated "not found"?

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T found it'

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Such distressing times for you. Sharing as you have done can make a difference even if it is hard for you to see it. Weight gain is such an achievement after all you've been through. Life never stays still and there will be good days soon. Please do not feel guilty on the days you find you can smile and enjoy. I'm so sorry you have so many people to miss and that it has affected you physically too. You sound such a strong person (even if you don't feel it). Sending hugs. Wendyb

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Thank you the positive reinforcement. I'm glad I told my story on here. This site is warm and connected. I felt it right away....honestly, disappointment, anxiety, hope and the way you support each other. This helps all of us cope and heal.

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That is an awful lot of stress to go through and well done for baring your all...sometimes it’s what is needed.

Take care of yourself and focus on the good things and, as has been said, life continues and throws new challenges everyday. Embrace them, take them on and try to enjoy what you can.

The very best of luck to you x

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God Bless you! I can empathise. My father died at 73 in 2004. My mother died at 73 in 2007. My husband died at 59 in 2011. Then both my in-laws died in 2012. I believe this stress caused my ad to begin. I have since watched my brother-in-law go into a nursing home following a massive stroke caused by undiagnosed at. He is 62. I live my life for all of them. Keep going, there is a life at the end of the tunnel. This forum is a great support.

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You lost a lot also. Your in-laws both died a year after their son, your husband. Your brother-in-law next. I can't imagine your in laws losing two sons had they still been alive. My mother was often lucid. I recall telling her she did a great job and she has five children and eight grandchildren and they're all alive and well. She answered "Oh God I hope so" Had she lived 16 months longer, I would not have been able to say that.

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Oh Hock, what can I say except you are in my thoughts and prayers. I too lost my mother to Alzheimers, but I started out as an only child! I found solace in researching my family tree so that I didn’t feel so alone.

Di xx

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I researched my family tree also. Besides Irish, I thought some Dutch or American Indian. Leaned I am 80 percent Scottish and Irish and 20 percent England and Wales. Looking on a map makes perfect sense.

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There is an interesting weekly tv program here in the US called "Finding Your Roots". The program goes so far back in their ancestry research it's amazing how much more we have in common with everyone else worldwide. It tells me if we go back far enough there really are only 6 degrees of separation, if that, between all of us and makes the concept of 'them and us" fade away and become much less important than many people seem to think. irina

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I'm in NYC and have cable. What channel? Never heard of it. To those who celebrate here. Happy Independence Day.

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Hi Hock. The program which originated in 2017 is on PBS (public television). The man who hosts and directs the research is noted Harvard scholar Dr. Henry Louis Gates. He also has other documentaries-mainly historical-on PBS and the program format takes 3 guests every week and researches their ancestry in depth. Many are often surprised at what turns up in their backgrounds. In my opinion the program is well researched and has no overtones of sensationalism or 'marketing hype'. My impression of Dr Gates is he has a genuine wish to bring people closer to others who are still inhabiting our planet by pointing out similarities rather than our differences. I make time weekly to watch this program. The website for time and dates is <www.pbs.org> I would also google "What time does Finding Your Roots come on in" (NYC for you-Atlanta for me). I think there are also reruns you can watch depending on what cable networks you have. Each week they always say which celebrities will be researched and some are more interesting than others. But for me all the shows have merit. I would love to hear what you think. BTW, I visited Fire Island once years ago on July 4th. My late brother had rented a house for the holiday and we all had a wonderful time. Bob died 5 years ago from cancer and early Alzheimers. He was 69 and I was his caregiver. We shared a house for years after his partner died and I got divorced. He loved animals and we often took in rescue animals and others who needed a home. He was my favorite relative and I still miss him. Take care. irina

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Thank you. I will definitely watch this. I have Verizon and "On Demand". I think your brother and mine were similar. Brilliant, soulful and loving. When he lived in the states, his apt was robbed and his television set stolen. The police found a youth trying to sell it and asked Donald to press charges. Donald looked at the kid and asked "What will happen to him?" They replied he could get up to a year in jail. My brother was horrified..."A year of a person's life for a television set???" He did not press charges. His kindness may have changed the trajectory of that young man's life.

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Donald sounds like someone I would have enjoyed knowing. One thing I enjoy about this forum is that often getting off our medical issues (getting off-topic) can be as much, if not more, help as medical info. Keep communicating. For me, getting older and losing people close to us, means more lonliness. The only living blood relative I still have here is my daughter in Florida. She is 50.. I have others in Florida but they are not blood-related. I still have some good friends from years ago who are still here (I consider them "chosen relatives.") I currently live in independent senior living and there are many lonely people here. I'm beginning to think, for me, feeling lonely, is a part of our journey in this life. But it sure is hard, isn't it? Take care and hopefully have a healthy and positive "Fourth". irina

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It's such a popular program I'll bet you might find it on "On Demand." Also I peruse youtube a lot and am always surprised at what I find on there. Especially clips or even whole segments on TV shows. Worth a look.

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Hock. I just pulled up youtube on my computer and typed "Finding your roots full episodes" in the search box. There they are. Many shows from Condaleeza Rice to Anderson Cooper, and many more. Sometime I record info I want to keep on playlists I label with specific video names. Take a look. irina PS unrelated-esp Alec Baldwin imitating Pres T.

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We have something in common. I have been living with my older brother for many years now (he never married and I'm divorced). We together took care of our mother who died of Alzheimers last May. Our younger brother moved in a few months after our mom passed. He lost his wife a couple years ago to an aneurysm. He was alone and wasn't doing well. We all have health challenges and try to help each other out.

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Oh, and we take care of rescued cats too!

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We adopted two rescue cats..... love them so much (Harley & Davidson). I think their biker Granny's cat got pregnant while he had a few beers. He called Beth Stern who rescues and brings to shelters.

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Aww...cute names!

We have a total of 6, and that's enough! lol All are here (except for my oldest who may have been just lost when I was asked to take him in) because people dumped them. I've had to rehome several others, which is not an easy thing to do. One that we kept (her name is Shadow) was a tiny baby, who along with her 3 siblings and mama were dumped at my house. We also found a part Bengal in the engine compartment of the truck. I'm pretty sure he was abandoned as well. But, lucky for them, I adore cats, so.... :)

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My brother and I often adopted sick animals that needed more care. He had the money and I was the nurse. I had a siamese cat that lived to age 17 named irina (Duh!). She had heart problems and I had to give her her 'kitty dose' of Lasix (water pill) daily. (And you know how much fun pilling a cat can be.) And we had a lab (Samantha) with diabetes who I gave insulin to every day. Bob was gay and I always thought we would both live a long time. One of our friends called us 'the old queen and the crazy cat lady.'' When Bob died he was at home except for his last 10 days (ICU) and then one day in hospice. Atlanta Hospice encouraged families to bring their pets and Bob's favorite (Maddie-an american black spaniel )was on his bed with him. I think they should allow animals to visit in hospitals. Certainly less germs than many things allowed in hospitals. irina

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I love them to pieces. Dogs, lions, tigers, elephants, fish (love snorkeling), horses (do not ride anymore), also butterflies. Our Fire Island cabin has an organic garden and butterfly Way Station for the Monarchs. Volunteers do it all...but the club in Boston may sell the property. We protested and had meetings, etc. This may be our last summer there. I will get there if I have to shower in my clothes, sun dry in my clothes, sleep in my clothes, swim & kayak in my clothes. Repeat. Kiss the Great South Bay "Till we meet again" and walk slowly back to the ferry.

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I love animals. Aside from the usual (doggies and cats,) I love dolphins, turtles, and giraffes. My family called me a giraffe because my head is so often in the clouds. Bob and I lived at times in Washington DC, Virginia, and Florida. He liked Rehoboth Beach and since we are Miami Beach people our(and still my) favorite place is Key West. I graduated from Catholic School there in 1961. We both loved the ocean, and had the best times in the Keys. I worked at a hospital in Miami Beach for years and so Key West was an easy weekend jaunt. And BC (before Castro) there was a ferry than ran from Key West to Havana,Cuba (5 hours) cheap and no passport so that was an easy weekend trip. Those were the days! Fun to reminisce.

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Hi Irena. I was in Havana April 2017 for 5 days and loved it. We went to Hemingway house and saw his boat, dogs graves, books, books, books. Lovely, on a hill overlooking water, his boat which took him from Key West to Havana...Many photos hung. Love Key West too. Tried to purchase a small cabin on road to naval base and ft Zachary State Park. That was 15 yrs ago.

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So you're a citizen of the Conch Republic too! I knew it. And you know how much Hemingway loved cats!. L personally think Key West should secede from the US. Then I would get a Conch passport and move there! And I love Havana. My daughter is Cuban-American. She has relatives there. Would love to see it again.

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i wish i still had more living relatives to share a home with. My senior living environment is beautiful but to me the environment is lonely and cold. I call it shelving the elderly. Looking at my options as I don't want to live here for the duration. Maybe another year as I have great doctors nearby and have some medical issues in the works I don't want to find new doctors for right now.

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Yeah .. that's understandable. I hope you are able to find a happier environment too.

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Thank you. It's not that bad. Just living with 200 other old sick women is not without its challenges. Husbands tend to die before wives so there are very few men. I am not looking for an 85 y.o. boyfriend though I do have some very desirable qualities for an old folks bucket list: I cook well, I know how to do laundry, and I'm a nurse. Can't get much better than that at our age! Hahaha.

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What about a 75 yr old boyfriend?

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Maybe, but I was thinking more like 25!!LOL

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You go girl!

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Yes....need can be so far from want. When I was a young Social Worker I relocated and took a job directing a senior center.I was horrified that they played bingo every day and just sat waiting for lunch. Within a year we had a stained glass workshop, a memoir writing class. The teacher had the stories bound and hundreds of bound books were "published". They were taking bus trips already but adding a dude ranch provided contact with animals and fun. Getting older and needing maintenance and repair might be unavoidable. Laughter and playing are not optional. They are desperately necessary. Wishing you fun irina.

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Sending you a PM.

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It sounds like your program and activity changes probably did more to ward off dementia in your patients than you'll ever know. The key, I believe, in these institutions is having more than Bingo and Ice Cream Sundae day and coffee and bagel wednesdays. It's fun to have treats but many places including here serve cheap sugary treats to residents too often. In our age group more people than not should be watching their salt and sugar, and diet in general. irina

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I believe that's the way life should be. It does take a village...(and companion animals.)

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Found it!! Thank you Irina!

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🐱

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Which town was his home in? It is comforting to have those beautiful memories. May he rest in peace till your souls meet again.

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Hi hock. Bob? We lived in Atlanta since early 80's but retired to KeyWest til he got sick. Then I brought him back to Atlanta because we had longstanding doctors here plus changing our insurance to Florida would have cost more with much less covered care and I knew we were going to need the best coverage possible. I love most of my docs here and they gave Bob the best possible care before he died. What I appreciated the most was their willingness to include me in every decision and listened to me when I said no to a treatment suggestion I knew Bob wouldn't want. The first morning when Bob's team met in the conference room for his treatment planning there was a long rectangular table and about 8-9 meople- and I took a seat to the right of the head of the table leaving that space for the ICU physician. When he walked in he said to me "Trade seats with me. This is your meeting. "When we find doctors like that being ill is so much easier and less stressful. Sometimes, even when wishes are legally in place some docs will try to push treatments 'just in case' they might help. I don't think this is necessarily always money-oriented but because our society finds it hard to give up and let patients go. This is often as it should be but we have to learn good appropriate end-of-life care is as necessary as heavy duty emergency care is when warrented. Each has its place. Whew! What an opinion and I haven't even had my coffee yet. Happy Saturday.. irina

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Really feel for you Hock. Some periods of our lives appear to be destined to be full of grief and yes one awful event often follows after another.

My brother was killed in an accident too and my mother died a few years later aged 60. Then my cousin who was like a sister died at age 43, which was a few months after my marriage had broken up. I sometimes wonder why it happens that we are destined to get these painful times.

A few months after my brother died I sat crying and then I suddenly thought he's gone, never to come back and asked myself who I was feeling sad for. Well the answer was myself, from that point I was able to get on with my life. Yes, I still have a little weep at times for family members I've lost but I don't let it consume me any more. I truly believe the soul lives on and that at some time that soul re-enters another newborn baby. Read the book Life Between Lives - Journey of Souls, can't think of the author at the moment, but will have a look and put it here a little later. This is a doctor who started regressing people and he found that they were all talking about where they were before coming back to earth to be born again and it was a wonderful place. Probably sounds a load of old hocus pocus, but give the book a try it really helped me. I've purchased the book twice but loaned both of them out and not had either returned.

Your family would want you to live your life happily, so do so for them.

After doing very little exercise for quite a while you will need to slowly build up your energy levels again. They won't just suddenly come back if you don't. When you do that, well the world will be your oyster.

I am here for you and care deeply. Let your mantra from now on be Just do it. Take that first step and go somewhere nice just for a few days.

Big hug, my friend.

Jean x

Link to the book:

amazon.co.uk/Journey-Souls-...

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I looked up the book as it reasonates with my beliefs. The author is Michael Newton, Ph. D. I have read a lot on this subject but had not heard of this book. Want to order it asap. I was raised in a very Catholic environment (Boarding schools, Catholic nursing school, etc. )I'm 74 and earlier this year reconnected with the Catholic Church after being away for 50 years. The way this happened was synchronistic. A priest walked in my hospital room 'by accident' and I surprised myself by saying he could stay and talk. I've had many issues with the Catholic Church for years and over time sort of developed what I call my own spirituality based on tenets from various other religions and philosophies. I really like the current pope (Francis)and I think that is why I'm back. The thing is there are many beliefs for me now that the Church does not agree with- rebirth of souls, etc. Don't mean to ramble but learning so much over the years about other beliefs has helped me through bad times better than the (in my opinion) black and white teachings of Catholicism. I believe there are many paths to God and a good afterlife and no one religion has a monopoly on answers. Thanks for listening. I find a lot of comfort in Buddhist philosophy. I'm not sure why I am back in touch with the Catholic Church. But I think I am still carrying around a certain amount of 'Catholic guilt. It's an ongoing process for me. Still trying to find answers for so many things. irina P.S. I found the book on amazon.com (am in the US).

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Just wanted to add I believe in God and have no problem with Him.I I talk to Him frequently-more like a Father rather than a stern judgmental figure. My assessment of my problems with religion in general is I am often turned off by the messages about right and wrong as interpreted by some of His self-appointed middle men here on earth. Over the years the most important realization for my own spiritual growth is that I can talk to God directly without going through religious leaders and their filters. irina

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Yes. I Knew a Catholic Priest with a healing ministry. He radiated love. When he was healing people they were "slain in the Spirit". I guess perfection is not easy to come by but I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Went to Israel with my then religious Jewish boyfriend. No problem. God is love. I think we each see a part of the whole and throw the rest away sometimes. Well, God is patient with us.

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Absolutely. I attended Catholic grammar school. As an A student and obedient child, it was not torture for me but I saw other children unfairly and cruelly disciplined. I told my parents I wanted an education but if they force me to go to Catholic High School I would quit when old enough. I learned and understood the Bible more in non sectarian churches, bible studies etc Pope Francis is a blessing to so many.

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LOL What does obedient mean? Never was able to do that well. I'm sure I turned quite a few nun's hair grey under their veil! Always had my own ideas about things. Serves me well as an adult but difficult as a child.😈😇

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I found all 3 on Amazon. Reviews state his most recent book is more scholarly. The second book which I downloaded a sample to read is most recommended for non students of regression analysis. Fascinating that he is most interested in the soul continuum than the various bodies it inhabits. Thank you so much for the recommendation.

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You're very welcome.🐱

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No....It's not hocus pocus. The baby leaving the womb is in pain and leaving it's known world too. I am adjusting. It was brought back by doing the Needs Assessment and reading the results which then suggests sharing and telling your story. I'm retired from Clinical Social Work and Psychology so know how important catharsis is. Yes, it brought it all back but my heart is amazingly quiet today. The love, kindness and support felt like having my siblings again. The needs assessment is a wonderful tool. Thank You Health Unlocked.

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We're do I begin. Thank you for sharing. Life has been incredibly hard for you and I can feel your pain. Sometimes we internalize our grief and it festers inside actually making us physically ill. I do that I must confess. Thankfully through this forum you have shared your pain and I pray that it has helped. It is an amazing group and the care and advice is wonderful. I cant understand why some of us go through so many bad times while others sail through life without a care in the world. I hope you can move forward with happier memories of better times. If only we could do something to change the attitude of some in our so called caring communities that occasionally do not care enough for our love one's. Sadly my parents and in-laws have had terrible care in their old age and it doesn't give me much hope for our future. Wouldn't it be great if the people in this forum ran out health and social care. Love to you all and keep up the great work xxx

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Today is July 4th- a big holiday here in the states. And for the first time in my life I want to share my feelings of shame and embarrassment for the path our leadership is taking on so many issues. Don't want to start a political argument-just wanted to share my off topic thoughts today . Thanks for letting me express this here. irina

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Yes. And we were private pay. About a year after my mother's death the law was changed. If a facility is found negligent, the insurance company must be paid back by the negligent facility.....not the family of the victim. Now that the Facility will lose money they will likely care more. Sad!

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I am a senior care assistant I run a floor with 28 residents all different stages of dementia I love my job I lived for my work I do extra training like end of life support at local hospice Through never taking proper time off I have dealt with stress and probably caused my AF I have out work before my family at times Even my middle daughter has schysophrenia I do three meds rounds a day Do assessments deal with social workers Doctors and other third parties Converse and deal with family problems and keep my staff happy and working as a team Not one person I work with would dream of hurting physically mentally or financially any one of our 96 residents in total

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I wish there were more like you. Here across the pond (US) I'm afraid many assisted living and nursing homes are not what they should be. My one big request is that I do not have to spend time in one before moving on.

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I have told my three daughters If I get dementia to remember me as I was because the person I maybe come is not the real me .They must remember the good times and know that I will also love them even if the time comes that I don't remember who they are Age and illness can be a terrible thing and has no fear of taking loved ones away from us but it's god's way of making room for others to take their places within our hearts

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May God Bless you abundantly. I directed a home care program and the Home Health staff were included in our weekly meetings. They were amazingly caring. Over the years with greed taking over.. there were low cost contracts with vendors and they were no longer supervised staff. Many were addicts. One elderly woman had a replacement aide run out her door not even closing it. She discovered her wedding rings etc missing. There are others who give above and beyond and patients that would not offer them a cup of tea. I liked my small caring program and in the wealthy districts there were patients needing to be straightened out. My mother who lost her mother at age 4, stood on a chair to iron her own blouse for kindergarten. The 12 yr old sister became the mother while my grandfather worked. My mother was always sewing buttons on coats of my little friends when missing. She would have made an amazing healthcare worker. That made it hurt more that anyone would neglect or harm her. I know she is an Angel and can't wait to wrap my arms around her again.

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You will when the time Is right that is not now as she with your other kin are giving you the chance and strength to go on

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Thanks Vonnieruth I appreciate how hard you have worked and I know that there are many like you who truly care. I would be the first to admit that I could not work in senior care. Most that do are amazing but sadly my father who had Motor Neurone Disease should have had better care as should my mother who suffered a brain injury and my mother-in-law who had dementia.

Unfortunately my personal experiences make me fear for my own future care should I eventually need it.

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I'm sorry about your experience and I know there are bad places that spoil it for the good It's not nice bring tarred with the same brush Which all too often happens Least in my heart be it not working correctly I know my residents are cared for and given the respect and dignity they should always have

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Thank God for you.

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There are plenty out there like me I'm sorry you didn't find them when you needed them

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Beautiful. People like you are needed in all such facilities. The staff would be happier as well.

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Thank you hock Hope you are feeling better within yourself now

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What a tragic experience for you, I applaud you for even getting up in the morning. Sounds to me like you are doing your best to move forward, all these things are bad enough without AF. Work with your medics to try to get the best outcome for you. Very big hug coming your way ((()))

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Always remember they are with you in your soul if not in body They are giving you their strength to carry on and become stronger each day .Write your thoughts to them down speak to them in your heart They will see what you write and feel how you feel When you see a White feather it's one of them letting you know they are guarding. Over you Be strong you will survive what this world has so horribly threw at you x

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Oh Hock!

I am truly sorry for your tremendous and painful losses. I had hoped you would have been able to get to Fire Island this year as you once wrote about how you looked forward to it. I learned of Fire Island from one of your earlier postings. I looked it up and enjoyed reading about its history. I want you to think of other ways you and your backpack may be able to get across that sand so you can perhaps make it there next year. Don’t give up on that. There must be someway. Call or write the local fire department for some creative ideas. With so many people in our world with physical disabilities, there must be some accessible resources for you to get across that sand and get your backpack there. I know that this is important. The sadness you are feeling for your loved ones is heartbreaking. I am sorry you are going through those feelings and social isolation. I live about 4 hours from NYC, and if I were able, I would come up and take you to Fire Island myself, but I am on crutches and would be useless.

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No. That's why I love it. In an emergency yes. I would not enjoy that. I plan to go but pack camp style. They rent sheets and towels so I'll bring a small backpack and very lightweight clothing. Food is provided. I was a fast walker but I'll face the facts and take it slow. Thanks for your support. They call it Fire Island for the sunsets that can quiet an arrhythmia.

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I remember you being impressed with the Lighthouse. I hope you find a beautiful place to celebrate the gift of independence, let your Heart be at peace and your Spirit fly.

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Oh hock! I am so sorry about all you've been through. I have some experience dealing with horrible staff at nursing homes. My mom had Alzheimers and other health issues and ended up in homes a few times for rehab. The last time she was in one was just a few months before she passed away. I had been doing my best to take care of her, but I have fibromyalgia and ehlers danlos syndrome and started to feel overwhelmed. But after she was in there for a couple weeks and seeing what was happening to her, I was like, Hell, no! She's coming home. I WILL handle whatever I have to. They had her in tears. I wanted to beat somebody - sorry, but that's how mad I was. I PRAY TO GOD I DON'T END UP IN ONE. I hope there will be a "me" for me when that time comes. Some of the staff were angels, but some really need to be in a different line of work. Anyway, sorry for going on about it. It's not been that long ago, and I miss her terribly.

I really hope you feel better. Sharing our stories helps us to not feel so alone. I pray some great people come into your life to help fill the void left by your loved ones passing.

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Thank you so much. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. I retired the end of 2012 from an offsite dialysis unit. Several of us lost people we loved and supported each other. My patients were so kind as well. Usually, I was the one supporting others in fear or tears, or waiting and hoping for a cure. My sister (7 yrs younger) and I were going to buy a condo on the sea in a provence of Malaga where my eldest brother and his partner retired. She had summers and school holidays off. I had 5 weeks vacation. Other family could use it. It was so inexpensive then (2000). Life is what happens while we're planning our life. Yes. I love this site. I think these blogs tell the story of how/why our systems became ill and our support of each other is part of healing. Perhaps those we loved and lost helped arrange it from the next world? Peace.

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That's a lovely thought. This life with all it's sorrows does take it's toll on us, doesn't it? I so appreciate being able to talk with people online who really understand what I've been struggling with. I wish you lots of peace and comfort as well. Thank you.

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Hi Hock. Forgot to send you good thoughts about your svt. And a little positive encouragement, I am going into my eighth year with Atrial Fibrillation and doing fine. In the beginning AF was a journey with many twists and turns finding what worked best for me. My diagnosis turned out to be "Tachy-Brady Syndrome". And I am very stable and in good cardiac health. I have a pacemaker named Seymour and in January was fitted with a Watchman device so I wouldn't have to take anticoagulants anymore. I now take no cardiac medicine except for a water pill. My Watchman is named Sidney. I figure since Seymour, Sidney, and I spend every night together we should at least be on a first name basis! Take care. irina

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I Love that you named them! They will take good care of your kind heart.

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Thanks. When I first mentioned this I was surprised at how many others named their devices. Maybe it's a kind of a bond.

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