I have been in bed 18 months terrified to move in case my heart stops. Ive had two major af attacks but all day i get palps. I dont go out, wash, and keep a loo in my room. Im so afraid i buy valium online. My life is dead. I used ro do karate, ride . . I feel like an old woman and im 40- ok thats not young but i feel 89. I cry all day for my old life. Ive lways had palps since my early 20s but then 18 months ago i had my first afib attack that was the most horrific thing ive ever had. I thought this is it im sying. The hospital,was 43 miles away and i was petrified. They just sent me home and said i was a panicker! I felt like choking that nurse. Then 12 months on i had another - same result . I wont take flecanaide as my GP warned me it can cause fatal arrhythmia's ( cant spell it!) so i didnt want that worry. Then ive been on bisoprolol which does nothing much apart from make me feel like i have a hangover n i cant walk up stairs without gasping. Its odd my palps are evey day now but before they was once in a while. I could handle that although i was still terrified when they happened, i has two blood transfusions 9 months apart due to severe anaemia and since the second one my palps have gone terrible! Is it possible i had someones blood who died of heart disease..? Im so sad and lonely and i want a life. Two beautiful girls who need a happy mum not a shaking messs who looks like an anorexic tramp. Im even afraid to go to the door so the postman has to throw my mail through my bedroom window. I weep when i see older people jogging or people walking past and happy. Is God punishing me for all the bad i did? I dont know. My gp is always a different one when i go and they are snappy and all fed up with me and are rude as they say it wont kill me. I paid for an echo and heart chambers ok but tiny valve leak. They say everyone gets palps - well iknow at least a thousand people in my life and they dont get it so thats a lie. Im afraid and written my funural plan and told my partner what songs i want. Our plan as a family was to move ro ibiza but how the hell could i fly( im petrified of flying as it is let alone having palps n afib on a plane). Can i walk? Do my karate even though im so breathless? Is it dangerous? I dont mean ro sound selfish but i cant cope any longer... Bless you all xxxxx
Last edited by Terrified40
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