Deeply Hurt

My neighbour came over for coffee yesterday and during the conversation I told her about a friend who is a hypochondriac. She laughed her head off - not because of my friend but because she said I was always at the doctors. Yes, I go to the surgery regularly, but only for INR tests, I haven't seen my GP at all this year. I tried to explain, but she wouldn't listen and certainly didn't understand. I felt so hurt.

22 Replies

  • I get easily hurt, but luckily haven't come across this particular situation yet - it has to be said, your neighbour's just ignorant. There are plenty of stupid people out there, you're just unfortunate enough to be living next door to one - ignore her...


  • Unfortunately there do seem to be people around like this, who just seem incapable of either listening or thinking outside of their very small, box like brain. If she is a neighbour, not a friend that you have chosen I would distant myself on a personal level whilst maintaining my neighbourliness ie: just be careful what I said to her.

    I am so sorry you have been hurt, I experienced something similar since I developed this double vision, having started recovering from AF and developing double vision a neighbour commented that I 'always seem to have something wrong with you'. Seems that way recently, but not from choice!

  • I'm not surprised that you felt hurt. One of the things that has always bothered me about AF is that I can look the very picture of health and yet feel like death warmed up. I have to go into our surgery for INR and repeat prescriptions so am in there quite often. I am grateful that my records show that I didn't see the GP for 12 years before the AF struck. I explain to people that I have an electrical problem with my heart which strikes out of the blue and makes me unable to do all that I hope to do. If they fail to understand my problem then they are not worth bothering with. Your neighbour falls into that category.

  • Good Morning jeanjeannie,

    Just remember - it's not your fault that your neighbour didn't want to listen nor understand your situation - but completely understandable that you should feel this way.

    Take care


  • I wonder whether people would be so callous towards someone having an asthma attack, an epileptic fit or a diabetic hypo? All of these are conditions that can be controlled with ongoing medication and a large degree of self-management. Try asking your neighbour how she would know if someone she passed in the street had those sort of problems or how she would react to someone experiencing an episode.

    If she comments about how often you are at the surgery, just look surprised and ask whether she doesn't bother with all the preventative checks and services that the NHS offers - anything from flu jabs to mammograms to BP monitoring. Make her feel worried that she isn't looking after herself as well as you are. She may be one of those people who are scared of illness and deal with it by ignoring it.

    Because of media coverage about obesity, smoking etc. there is a lot of public belief that anything to do with heart problems is largely one's own fault. As someone born with a heart condition, that really riles me.

  • jeanjeannie

    I cannot understand how someone could be so openly cruel and uncaring, as it sounds from your post that your neighbour was not aware of the nature of your visits to the doctor but assumed they were unnecessary. Were she my neighbour, I would hope that she enjoyed her coffee yesterday - because it would be her last in my home.

    Don't feel upset or hurt - some people are self centred and unthinking. One 'friend' to whom I mentioned my diagnosis commented that she was 'fed up listening to people talking about their appointments'.

    Fair enough - I complied with her wishes. Lift your head high and do the same.

    Take care xxx

  • sorry to hear that you have been upset like this- I agree with others' comments that the problem is AF is not very visible - however, I have found people are sympathetic as realise anything heart related is scary so I think your neighbour has a problem!!

    Hope you are feeling better now!

  • Tell her that it is highly contagious :-D

  • We have some friends who have been fortunate never to have suffered from any major illness or condition, and only step inside their surgery for their annual flu jab. They never visit anyone in hospital or go to funerals as if by not doing so they will stay healthy and live for ever. I pray they will both be the sprightliest 200 year olds ever known!

  • Wow. Clearly your neighbor is not your friend and I totally understand why you feel hurt. I would too. But it's not you, it is she who has the problem. I have a framed quote on my desk that says "Spend time with those who uplift you and call forth your best" After an experience of being terribly hurt in a friendship I now follow that advice and do not waste my time with negative or nasty people. Sending you a big hug.

  • One of the many things that are so good about this forum is that we can share nasties like this thoughtless and unkind comment.

  • By far the worst for this are the NHS themselves, little wonder that everyone else follows their lead. So far:

    A cardiologist denied that I'd ever been taken to A&E and discharged me.

    When I was laid in bed with a HR of 230 they told me that it was just a faulty bedside monitor, and told the nurses to "take no notice of anything he says, there's nothing wrong".

    They told me they'd never seen an abnormal ECG after they'd printed at least nine.

    They told me I'm a neurotic who can't cope with conflicting information.

    They told me I'm a frequent flyer, even though I only call 999 on THEIR instructions.

    Last Monday I was back again. They told me I don't have AF, and discharged me with a resting HR of 125. Later the same day I had to call another ambulance after my HR went up to 220. This time the doctor stood by my bed explaining that I wasn't having a heart attack.

    If I complain I get told that if I don't like it I should go elsewhere.

    One doctor shut me up with a "there's a good boy" when I asked him questions about what he was doing.

    (I told the paramedic about that last Monday, and he said "How F*CKING patronising!!")

    I have really difficult veins to get cannulas in, my forearms are black and blue where they have to gouge away at one vein after another after another. That's just got me labelled as having a needle phobia, and talked to like a five year old.

    Once someone hears that a doctor has told you there's nothing wrong then they're not really interested in hearing about the other doctors who have told you otherwise. When I tell people my story they just look at me as if I'm telling them how I've been for a joy ride to Mars in a flying saucer.

  • Hello Jean. Much as it is tempting to be hurt please feel sorry for this person. Apart from the obvious fact that she suffers from foot in mouth pray for her that she never has to suffer AF or anything similar. It is better to be a better person that hold a grudge due to her ignorance. Sadly AF is not a visible condition (no I never call it a disease) but we all know her what it is like. Chin up and be strong.


  • It sounds like your neighbour is socially inadequate with no emotional intelligence. Either that or just downright rude. Either way the problem is hers not yours. You have to feel sorry for people like this. X

  • Thank you all for your supportive responses. I may say something to my neighbour to let her know she hurt my feelings (yet again). She has no family and few friends so I have always tried to make her feel welcome and that I am here should she need help at any time. She can be extremely kind, but is always saying hurtful things and has upset most of the neighbours at some time or other. Several won't have anything to do with her now. She probably has no idea how much her behaviour hurts others.

    Guess where I'm going tomorrow - the doctors surgery for an INR test! B****y AF! Better keep it a secret.

  • So sorry to hear how your neighbour upset you. You are a much better person than her. She is to be pitied. Unfortunately I have to work with a similar human being who's only concern about my ablation next week is how long she will have to cover my work while I am off. She too is downright rude about my health and says I should not be gaining any information about AF. Ignorance is bliss! Well she must be the most blissful person on the planet ! You know you have all our support on here xxx

  • I can't breathe up hill although I am very active and have a physical job. I was very hurt when a so called friend told me to get fit and I know friends still think if I lost weight and went down a gym, it would help! I'd like to see them try - I know I do really well coping wiht what I cope with. Medical professionals still presume that I don't work as a result of it!

  • Sounds like she's the one with problems, she obviously has no social skills and certainly no empathy. Distance yourself from her to protect yourself and surround yourself with positive happy friends and acquaintances. Life is too short to put up with this sort of attitude, especially when you don't feel 100% yourself. She can only hurt you Jean if you let her, be positive, shrugg her comments off, you know how things really are, you certainly don't need her approval. Big cyber hugs are being sent your way xx

  • Tell her that you're flattered that she spends so much time on watching what you do, she obviously has a boring life! Lol

  • I am afraid that there are many like her even those close to you. My husband after 4 years of me having AF and DCM still says things like 'well why can't we go out then?' - when he knows I have taken a diuretic or 'surely there's no need to take all those tablets' or ' why are you so out of breath?' He has been to nearly every appointment and consultation but I sometimes wonder if we were really at the same one! I know he is having trouble accepting all this but it is still hurtful.

  • Hang on a moment.

    "My neighbour came over for coffee yesterday and during the conversation I told her about a friend who is a hypochondriac."

    I don't wish to appear insensitive to your 'hurt' but perhaps you shouldn't have started that particular conversation.

  • This woman is not your friend....

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