Feeling hopeless

[PHnerd]

I’ve posted on here a couple times but have been radio silent for a bit. More details in my bio. Dad has completed 11 cycles of docetaxel as part of a Lu-177 clinical trial but now has new mets and cancer progression. Radiation oncologist just told us today that they will administer 5 radiations (this is his 3rd time getting radiation in the 11 years he’s had PC). The doc basically implied today that most patients who get radiation a third time have a lifespan of a few months to a year. This really broke my heart. I’m 26 and the eldest daughter, dad is very closed off and anxious. Sometimes quite aggravated, which has indeed interfered in my relationship with him. But I just can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do.

[Lyubov]

My heart goes out to you. Caring thoughts & prayers for you & your dad.

[Willydad]

certainly the first thing that I hope you will do is accept that being closed off, anxious, and sometimes quite aggravated is part of the journey that your father(and potentially all of us on this site) is on. So for goodness sake do not accept that your father feels anything negative towards you. You are just the closest target when times are tough. And ALWAYS take estimations of time remaining, as just that, guesses.

[PHnerd in reply to Willydad]

Thank you, of course I understand it’s a part of this process - I just have to work on me not internalizing how I’m treated is all. And to have grace with my dad. And thank you, though yes I know what statistics say about longevity (and I’m a researcher by day so I know the value of a good statistic), it’s hard not to be hopeful that dad will be the anomaly that makes it farther than others.

[Kaliber]

your father is so very lucky to have you advocating for him and wrapping him in your love. I know he appreciates you more than can be expressed. Especially now. I’m pretty sure this is true for all of us, but for me for sure. I can understand how your father is so aggravated and disgusted at facing his inevitable end. We work so hard , do so many awful treatments…eat baskets of pills with nasty SEs …. all of it barely delays our fast approaching end, it seems like. It can be totally frustrating , aggravating and depressing. No way for us to stop it …. anger …sorrow . Awful.

The good news is that you are there helping him, loving him ….he needs that, even if he doesn’t say so . Secondly , these days there are great new medications for us croakers in a bad mental place. You can contact his medical team and they will quickly help you and your father feel much better about everything. They do it on a daily basis, for all kinds of cancer patients… they are experienced at helping in this situation. It’s just another tool in the coping toolbox, but a very good tool. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Man isn’t meat and bone alone … we are mind as well…. Most all of us will need mind help too.

Big ehug out to you both.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[j-o-h-n in reply to Kaliber]

You're a germ.......oops a gem............ as always........

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Saturday 07/22/2023 2:26 PM DST

[Kaliber in reply to j-o-h-n]

❤️❤️❤️

[babychi]

Hello. Some words from a Sydney gal who loved her Dad dearly. Watching him slowly die from oesophageal cancer at 71. This advice was passed on to me in the cancer ward at Royal North Shore Hospital, Sydney by a wise woman supporting her beloved partner. “ We all gotta die sometime, sweetie.” I was so upset when she said this but she was so right. Perhaps make the time he has left as relaxed as possible and remember this is his journey, not yours.💜💜💜

[DesertDaisy]

It's very hard. My husband is 72 with aggressive prostate cancer. Our daughters are young, in their mid and early 30's. Our 6, soon to be 7 grandchildren are all very young. They all need many more quality years with both of us here to guide them and help them. It's not easy thinking about leaving your loved ones, possibly sooner rather than later.

I don't know how much longer my husband has, or me for that matter. None of us ever really know. Just try to make the best out of every day. I think your father being closed off and at times, even aggravated is how he deals with this horrible disease.

Spend as much time with him as you can. Just being there is so important.

Hugs,

Kay

[Tinuriel in reply to DesertDaisy]

Except for having sons instead of daughters, I could have written this, Kay. I so agree. My heart goes out to you, PH - hugs for you as you love your dad, prayers he will grow to appreciate it more before the end.

[HopingForTheBest1]

You're doing as much as you can for your dad. Now, you need to get help for yourself asap.

Talk with his doctor, as well as your primary care physician. He/she should be able to provide you with resources such as finding a social worker for you to talk to, finding in- person and online support groups for caregivers, providing you a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication to help you cope. By supporting yourself you are supporting him.

[j-o-h-n]

Tell your Dad we all love him..........all 19,025 members...+ you....

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Saturday 07/22/2023 2:30 PM DST

[Yadifan]

So many things to have to navigate through this awful disease. Treatment decisions, financial burdens, but the emotional ones are especially tough. It's difficult to be supportive when you feel so broken. It's a daily struggle that I rely on prayer daily to help me. I was able to get my "daily cry" in on my way to work. We closed our office last month and I'm working at home now so I haven't yet figured that one out. But personally I think my little alone time cry sessions were a release for me. You are not alone. You are a true blessing to your dad. Stay strong young lady.