My father's body is shutting down and has fought to the very end . I wanted my dad to retain his will ,but I was not necessarily convinced pluvicto was a good idea in his weakened state. He is dying weeks post pluvicto which Drs signed off on knowing he had chronic lymphocytic leukemia. My first intent is to protect those who are desperate and have blood issues bc his prostate swelled and for three weeks he was in and out of hospital until he chose to go to hospital bc he could not swallow and I knew last week I'd never lay in bed holding his beautiful hand again . Bc of my disability and grief I only got to hospital last night and bc he kept his pain meds low for better or worse, he was cognizant able to tell me he loves me and to live my life being me and never let anyone take that from me . I was able to hold and kiss his hand . I have lost most of my family and I'm completely traumatized I don't even know if I could be at the wake bc I want to remember him alive . I have no idea how I'll feel when his spirit rises and I won't get to even think of seeing that beautiful hero I've been lucky enough to call my father. Completely distraught and just need comfort and people to talk to now and in the future.
I will never stop fighting for you my friends. I will never stop advocating and for all who have just helped me survive the past seven years ,with all my heart I than you . Though he's still on this earth I only have days left of that ,and he is suffering. My amazing hero. I feel like ET'S dying plant as my health has gone down with his and my body worsened . Please pray for us or send meditative thoughts or just anything bc there's nothing I can ask for I guess, but I want to extend my gratitude to some of the most amazing people who have given me comfort when no one else could have . My love to you all forever and always , Erica keep up the fight you silly and oh so strong and loving souls ❣️❣️❣️
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Ty for your support . Our saying was me and you against the world and now it's just me in a world that I don't feel loved me back and I'll never feel the comfort I did just being near him I am lost
Hi there, just lost my husband to this as well, I know the feeling of being lost. He will be there after as much as he can and if you listen, you will hear him whisper to your heart. Big hugs. Sending you heart healing light.
I’m so sorry to hear of your father’s further decline … I know how much he and you have fought against this horrible disease.. Your love and sorrow so clear and intense. You have stood beside him thru thick and thin , doing the very best you or anyone could to help and support him. You surround him with your love … I know personally that none of us guys could ask for or want more at this same point in what remains of our own lives.
All I can offer is a big warm hug out to both of you … and adding you to his note on my transfer of merit board. It’s no solace but hang in there supporting him just like you already have . It’s what he needs, it’s what you can still do.
He only has days and I'm not sure if I should traumatize myself after holding too many family members in death and getting PTSD. Can I ask if he doesn't slip away tonight and I can see him as his brain goes what would you want . you would feel calmer and safer with your daughters at your side for your last moments ? Fight my trauma and do what's rt for him not the added trauma ? I'm torn bc I am traumatized after doing this for my mom with lung cancer and grandma and grandpa and I don't want my body to worsen bc he wants me to heal but every minute should I try to get every minute ?
well ….. in my view it’s kind of a danged if you do, danged if you don’t situation …. I suggest you contact his medical support team , they have hospice staff immediately at hand that are very experienced and skilled at dealing with circumstances exactly like yours. They might be able to help you feel more comfort and stable so you can be there to comfort him without destabilizing yourself even more. I would want you there holding me or holding my hand when it’s time …..but I absolutely “ would not “ want that if it hurts you or destabilizes you. I’d want the best for you because you will continue living past me , I’d want your life to be the best it could be, and keep my memory alive in your heart.
By now , I’d be resigned and accepting of what lies so irrevocably close , just guessing I suspect your father is in the same frame of heart mind. I think he will be at ease and being having meds that ease him along if he needs them. He won’t suffer or be in pain. Contact his hospice staff right away , they are available 24/7 if need be. Then judge what you do next based on what they say and do for you and how you feel.
This is just my own perspective and thoughts on the situation, your fathers hospice staff is the resource you should depend upon directly. No one knows and understands your situation more that they will.
I hope you can feel better about things , get some helpful meds if possible. Then when your mind - feelings are clearer, then make your decisions. Your father will always want what is best for “ you “.
Im so sorry to hear of your dad’s decline. He is very lucky to have a loving and supportive daughter in you. When my husband passed a few weeks ago, I was there beside him in the hospital during his last fee days, last few hours along with my children and also his family. We talked to him, kissed him and caressed him. It was so difficult for us but I saw that he was at peace. I take comfort in the fact that he is no longer in pain and no longer suffering. I miss him so much now that he is gone but I know he is now in heaven watching over us.
I hope and pray that you will be able to get through this difficult moment in your life and in your dad’s life. Be thankful that God has given you the most wonderful and loving dad one could ever ask for. I do hope you have family around you to support you during this difficult time. Get some rest, eat and hydrate well because your body needs to be strong especially when your dad transitions. I will offer a prayer for you, your dad and your family tonight. May God bless you during this difficult time. Sending you tight hugs.
Tysm yes I've been dehydratinng . Is that a stress response . I did this with my mom but I was in better shape. Now that dad out of hospital I can be there daily just to be near him and I had my doubts but I will do this I will if nothing else be there. The physical stuff is hard but he'd be just as content with my finger to hold and I must do this for both of us
In the prayers my wife and I send to God every day, we ask for mercies not just for the afflicted and dying, but also for their families and caregivers. We find long walks great for emotion-processing.
Stress is not your friend. Protect yourself. Accept in your heart what will be. My dad died of PC at home surrounded by family and hung on until I played a tape of his favorite music. He was a staunch choir member and passed during "Te Deum." The music had helped us all relax and let him go. When my mother joined him many years later, she waited until I had to go to the restroom, leaving my brother on watch in her nursing home room, before passing. I was "that nice lady visitor that thinks she's my daughter" to my 100 yr old mother in her dementia, my brother told me later. Looking back, if I had known she was waiting for me to leave, I would have gone to the restroom sooner!
Tell your father it is OK to leave, that you will get better with all our prayers for you both. You don't have to say it out loud, he will hear your thoughts if you are in the same room.
I did it with mom and grandma and I will . I already told him I'm gonna be ok . It's all this funeral planning etc that even tough I it in charge it drained and traumatized me already. He doesn't deserve this discomfort. Ty I surely did need and will need this support. A million hugs
What great pictures of you and your dad. I'm so sorry he is going through so much and hope they can do something to help with his pain 💔 Praying for strength, peace and comfort for both of you 🙏🙏🙏
Sounds like you’ve spent much of your adult life taking care of the sick, so I can imagine it must be hard to learn how to take care of yourself now. This is a very common feeling for the survivor/caretaker. Do whatever you feel is best for YOU. There is no right or wrong answer in this difficult time. No matter what you decide, don’t look back with regret and live your life looking forward. I’m sure that’s what your dad, mom and grandparents would want for you. Have some faith that god has a plan for you. Trust that you are capable of healing from any trauma you feel during this period of grief. Although it may not feel like it now, you have more strength than you realize. Sending you hugs and prayers. 🙏💙
I am thinking you are caught between a rock and a hard place. You want to see him but you are afraid of the trauma it will cause. Think about what you will feel like if you are not there when he passes or soon before. Weigh that with how you will feel by not going. I realize you have mobility issues but you seem to have dealt with that before so hopefully you can again. I know when my time comes I will want my wife there by my side.
Now that he's not in hospital but vsme home to hospice I will be there bc I can lay flat etc but I have shaken uncontrollably all these days away from him but I knew my body would give out so now he has me whenever he wants me . Wish I could sleep so I could get back to him
2 years, 2 thousand years or 2 million years, the pain of losing your Dad may subside but it never goes away..... I lost my Dad, Saturday April 16, 1955 10:AM. May your Dad look down at you as his pride and joy....
sush beautiful sentiments for your Father wish you the very best know what it is like lost my beloved wife Anita to cancer last November still in that nothing matters anymore phase but where you have a beautiful soul there will always be beautiful memories love Warrior 3 xxx
What a wonderful daughter you are. I’m so sorry for you in these times. Take comfort in knowing how much love your dad has been feeling emanating from you.
Try your best to remember and cherish all the happy memories of you and your dad. He will always be in your heart, and would want you to focus on taking care of yourself.
A daughter’s love so strong I can feel it through your writing alone. ❤️I can’t know what I would do in your place but I do wonder. I wasn’t close to my dad but my mother’s passing was devastating even though we knew and had time to prepare. None of that matters of course. I was young and didn’t know that then. I was not with my mom for the last few day, only my sister. I and others (including doctors) thought she had much more time, months, but my sister is intuitive.
Everyone is so different, with different circumstances. Perhaps be with him because you might later regret not being there, or preserve the strength you have because it’s too painful? No choice is wrong. I’m so sorry. May you treasure him in your heart always as we know you will.
The suggestion for you to contact the hospice staff sounds like your best bet for support and assistance in dealing with your dad’s last days. They are angels on earth and are here for the patient and their family. Know that this group is thinking of you both and wishing you peace.
To have you close by will be the greatest comfort and the knowledge of your love will be the greatest support. I hope that he can be free from pain in his last days. Your support for him is inspiring.
I lost my father to glioblastoma 11 years ago. Terrible disease, but much less painful than PCa. He lived with us for his six months after dx. Spent the last 12 days at hospice house. The care was incredible. I was there nearly 24 / 7. He was unresponsive most of it. But he could hear me. The night I lost him, they told me please go home for a while. No sooner did I get home, than they called. I wish I would have stayed, but I'm so very thankful I was there as much as I was. Everybody's situation is different and personal to their circumstances. Prayers for strength, peace & calm.
I am so sorry that you can't be with him. You've expressed your perfect love for your dad all the way through his incredible fight. He has always known how much you love him. My wish for you is eventual peace.
It sounds like you and your dad are very close and him and you have had some great times together. That is the most important part is that you still have time and all the memories together.
It is a very sad moment when a parent dies and you are obviously full of life. After your grieving is less painful, I am sure your dad wants you to enjoy life. As you know, it is precious and short, so I hope you make every moment count for yourself during your life!
Your dad will understand if you can't go to the wake. He knows you well and your love is always felt and understood. Enjoy the time you have together and let us know how you are doing.
I'm me t to him.right now. God gave me one more day I love everything about helping him. I love tucking him in I love anyway I can give him comfort I pray for one more day every day and never in my life dud I ever feel I've lived in the minute until now. Ty for support bc I truly need it
We are all pulling for your Dad and for you. He has been a member with us for at least seven years and fighting a tough fight all of that time. Let's hope and pray he can be with us until God finds the need for him. Your pictures of him warm my heart since there is no love greater than the love for your children. I don't know his name but I do know his feelings when it comes to having a wonderful daughter like you. Keep the hugging and the kissing flowing between the two of you. God Bless....
I cried while reading your post, beautiful pictures, true loving energy, bitter sweet all. Please know that I am sending love and comforting wishes for you, darling woman.
A big hug. Your daddy came from the world that is all around us and will continue to live in the world around us—and around you—, where you will be able to talk to him and continue to love him every day.
Ty my friend . Tears do they ever end. Should I be investing in Botox so my face is t forever in this position lol I'm in shock still but gid gave me another day . I can't believe he's leaving me . In tears and gratitude Erica
I am so sorry for what you and your father are going through. Your post shows so clearly the love you have for your father, and it is inspiring to all of us to hear that level of support from family members. Our family will pray for your comfort. Your father is so blessed for you and your deep love for him.
My heart breaks for you. Please know that you'll be in my prayers for strength and comfort. You have both fought so hard. Your daddy has been blessed beyond measure having you by his side.
You and your family are in my thoughts. Indeed, you and your family have thousands of extended relatives via our Malecare family. We are with you and your Dad.
This means a lot Daryll. Day one of having him back at his home with hospice . I shake all day but near him I'm better. He's my father. I couldn't get to him in hospital more than once so I'm praying for time to give him comfort though I hurt for him and know we dint have much more bc of his hemoglobin at 6 and all numbers going down including glucose. Ty for being there I still tried to get in tonight and offer support. I will do my best to always contribute to give back what you have given us
You sound wonderful. I can't add much to the excellent comments already posted, but whatever you do from here on, be the person that you will be proud of when looking back years from now. 🦊
You are a sweetheart for showing so much support. Be there at his last moment. I was with my Dad's when he was in a coma, and I'm sure if he could even hear one word, he would have wanted it that way, although it still shakes me to think about it. ❣️
Your words show how much you love your father. I am so sorry you are going through what sounds like the difficult final stages of his life. This forum brings a lot of important information and emotional support and a real sense of community. My husband has been on this hard path with stage 4 pc and I share all the information I can with him from the forum, which has educated and empowered him for the past 3 years. It sounds as though you have had a similar experience. May you both move through this most difficult juncture knowing how much love and support you have shared. A special bond that lives in your heart.
I will add my prayers to those from the others on here. Whatever you decide to do, your father knows that you love him. In the middle of all this stress, please try to also take care of yourself.
Sorry to hear your sad news.....you've fought the good fight. I, too, am on pluvicto, thru 4 infusions. It's worked on my PSA, down from 130 to4, but side effects the worst after 4th, standing BP under 90, had 3 straight days of IV, very tired, still wobbly and very dry mouth which kills appetite. Thinking of pausing or even stopping with two to go....any advice or suggestions?? PaulN
Hmm if you are out of pain can you save those lat two so you keep quality of life and know you always have that when psa rises .are any patient studies or suggestions showing the results can actually prolong life more that way . I would put up a post and do bc I know I saw someone else save their other treatments so they could enjoy the quality of life and wait for the next one. How are you feeling and how's your qol ? My theory is quit while you are ahead and savd the next two but ask in a post bc I'm positive it's also going to help someone else .
my prayers for yor Dad’s peaceful transition. May he fight till he can . Stay strong, he needs your strength and support.. prayers for you too, that you can get through this.
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Advice for next steps for 82 year old dad
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Losing the love of my life 
Pluvicto and driving Home from the Treatment 
