I hate reading these, but as someone with inflammatory bowel, I have no doubt in my mind that it strongly changed his journey . I know that new PCA drugs are being researched daily . My father even had no progression in a stage one trial when we ran out of treatments . My dad is not faring well rt now,secondary smoldering leukemia ,anemia etc, but for seven years I do want you to know he did NOT spend 7 years in bed. He bought and fixed up houses as his retirement project which he loves,traveled ,enjoyed going out for dinners and get together . When I was freaking over covid, he was on vacation at the same time as spring break lol . While I was fearing the worst and hiding ,he was living and I Thank God he didn't listen to me bc I wanted to wrap him in bubble wrap and keep him safe lol
In fact ,in the past seven years my dad accomplished more than I have. He has a secondary leukemia dx which I believe is contributing to the fall bc even in a stage one trial for a year his prostate cancer DID NOT progress.
My fears are at this point in my life beyind words and I must find a way to make friends with my fears bc his joy is in knowing I'm smiling .
Please let your partner know that of all cancers, the forefront of this one is the most promising . Also to treat Crohn's some biologics such as the one I am on cause lymphomas. I'm on med for Crohn's and AS ,so make your partner very aware that this degree of inflammation and it's treatment easily change the course of life . I can't stress this enough . Statistics mean almost NOTHING and that unless it says your name under it,that statistics IS NOT YOURS To OWN. My father has best the statistics and he was dx one year after unofficial dx and it had spread to every bone,so 8 years .
Each time I read an obit, I I cry ,and as a daughter I do understand how triggering this is to your partner . Have your partner reach out for moral support from others, including me, as I hope to serve as support and an ear for the rest of my life. I'm very sorry for your loss and wish I had more to offer . Right now my dad is fighting like hell just to stay awake and I'm petrified ,but we had a beautiful thanksgiving .
Ask your partner to look up success stories and to talk to some on here who have outlived the outdated stats bc many times you guys gave me hope when I was nothing but a vessel of fear .
Your sense of peace you seem to exude is everything as well. That's not to say to ever hide feelings from your partner, but you definitely have a survivor's attitude and each time a death of a stranger jostled me I have learned to repeat these words ...right here right now I still have my father on earth with me just a phone call away,just one hug away . I'm not going to miss today crying about tomorrow. I made that mistake and hid. There is a time necessary to process the emotions and that's just art of loving someone so damn much which my dad has always said . We hurt bc of how much love we have sometimes and that pain means you love to your fullest . He's made some loss seem so poetically beautiful.
I keep saying to myself right now ,this hour this day we have each other. And then I trained myself to take an action that allows me joy in the very present. Esp now the simplest of things like knowing I'll still get to hear his I love yous... it calms me and I truly take it in
A meditation teacher impressed upon me " as long as you are still breathing there's more right with you than wrong with you " best heard by jon kabbitt zinn himself via you tube or cds/ audio.
Ty for this reminder not to let the day pass hiding in my bed bc fear has overtaken me. I've done this and I lost precious moments . Bc a few of you inspired me in the past hour , tomorrow no excuses are acceptable to not see my father and enjoy even the tiniest moment holding his hand or just watching shark tank or smiling at him. For this day, for this opportunity ,I am grateful 💓please know your post just changed the hour or so I'll get to lay with my dad tomorrow. I shut down and have ben hiding for a week bc I got so depressed ,triggered much like your partner has been .
Today you have each other . I'm saying this to your partner ..today if just for this hour this minute say I accept my fears and I'm going to live in this moment with the love of my life by my side . Xoxo Erica 💞💞💞
I tried to fix all the typos due to arthritic hands . Did my best and wishing you the best . Pm me if you or your Ivan ever wishes to and e can do audio messages which is easier on hands and might be more cathartic. But know I am here and I feel all that Ivan does and both of you are so damn lucky to have each other to hold . As a single woman ,illness gets very isolating and lonely and my goodness are you blessed. Not the journey you planned. But it's your journey . It's your story together and even through the hardest times I promise you laughter and love.
My god Erica. You are a real sweet, compassionate person. The time and energy to try to help another here is really heartwarming. I know your dad is struggling and yet you have taken such time to help others.
I am my father's daughter is all I can say . It's bc of him ,I am this person . Funny enough ,we bunt heads sometimes bc we are too alike ,but this message means the world to me . I only hope that people will reach out so I can always be a voicesnd an ear for the loved ones of those dealing with this illness and other chronic illnesses. Xoxo
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