After an extremely emotional morning, our Jeff was able to come home on hospice yesterday.
Originally, Jeff was due to transport home via ambulance around 9:00 a.m. yesterday.
Channing, Drake, and Brittany stayed at the house to prepare for his arrival and I went to the hospital to gather Jeff’s things and to oversee his transport.
When I walked into the room, Jeff was seemingly breathing the tell tell signs of the death rattle.
As the hospital hadn’t called us, I was totally unprepared to find him in that condition and as I was already at the edge emotionally, I was overcome with emotion, fear, and tears.
To no avail, I tried to choke back sobs.
I left the room to find a nurse and his entire floor seemed deserted. There wasn’t a single person to be found. No aides, nurses, patients, or visitors … I felt so entirely helpless and utterly alone.
I felt like I was on the verge of hysterics, when Jeff’s nurse emerged from another room. Again, I cannot convey just how phenomenal his nurses have been. Although Teresa couldn’t change our circumstances, she promptly catered to my delicate emotional state. She patiently soothed me and thwarted some sort of panic attack from me.
Initially, I was gravely concerned about Jeff going home and questioned if they still intended on transporting him. I worried terribly that our children weren’t there and called them to come to the hospital right away.
As it turned out, it wasn’t the death rattle. I’ve forgotten the name, but the sounds I was hearing is a type of snore. Unfortunately this type of snore is still indicative of Jeff’s condition worsening, however he wasn’t on the very cusp of passing.
Jeff never really caught a break during this entire journey. If things could go wrong, they did. He heroically trudged forward, embracing each situation as it was, and always made the best of things. Jeff never complained nor has he ever asked, “why me”. He never lost hope and he has fought the most courageous battle.
Jeff hated being in the hospital. Most find it unfavorable, but Jeff was so far out of his comfort zone while hospitalized that he loathed being there. No matter how sick or his exceptional care, upon every admission, Jeff’s only concern was when discharge was. From the very start of his journey, Jeff made it clear that when the end came, he wanted to be home.
Despite Jeff’s declining condition, it was very important to our children to honor his wishes and to bring their daddy home. Although I was apprehensive about the decision, it has proved to be the best decision made and it was certainly made with the utmost love.
It was clear that once Jeff was home, he was far more comfortable. The snoring, which had started our morning in utter chaos, completely ceased. He lay, still, and peaceful.
Unfortunately Jeff is nonverbal at this point. He is unable to communicate his wants/needs, however it appears he still understands at least some of what we communicate to him.
A few hours after Jeff got home, we met with hospice. As Jeff’s care is now comfort only, his nonessential scripts have been nixed. They kept him on his current pain management regimen, plus added a Fentanyl patch and Lorazepam. We are grateful beyond measure that Jeff’s pain appears totally managed.
As it is believed that Jeff is transitioning, hospice will come every day to ensure his needs are met.
With the kids/Brittany/me being here, we are able to be with him 24/7. Jeff is surrounded by people who love him dearly.
Jeff’s parents and sister are traveling from GA back to MN as well. Soon, Jeff will have everyone he loves so very much right at his side.
But for the kindness of others, this journey would have been so very different. We can’t thank you enough for your continued support, prayers, and love.
#teamjeffgallagher
Written by
Pancake_Lefse
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Thank you for sharing this incredibly moving, loving account of your experience with your beloved Jeff at this time in the journey. Prayers for you both and your family for strength as you proceed to see him through to complete peace.
I’m not sure why we would at this point. We are no longer looking for ways to treat this, only keeping him comfortable. He is transitioning… actively dying. We are down to days, if not hours as he continues to show obvious decline. ❤️
❤️✌️😔 Nobody has fought harder than Jeff! He is a truly a good mentally strong young man . This disease can strike down the strongest of us . Thank you Stephanie for showing us the true meaning of love and family support . In this ,He is blessed ! This love will carry him forward .. God bless Jeff! 🕊🕊🕊
Im glad Jeff is home with all his loved ones and not feeling pain. It is a sad time. We have all been through it and i did have regrets I couldn’t be at my brothers side when he passed from liver cancer but the other brothers and sisters were there. My Sister was a hospice Nurse at the VA and she had everyone of our numbers ready for when Barry was passing and she called me and told me even though he is dying he can still here you so say you’re love and goodbyes as she put the phone to his ear. Some say or think it is better to go fast but im here to tell you it is not. I lost another brother Brendan in a plane crash and it was so heart wrenching! None of us got to say how much we all loved him. Cherish this chance to say goodbye.
🦋🌻🌸. …. There really is no place like home. Home with family - loved ones , ever so much better. Sometimes that’s all we have left to comfort us … ultimately the most valuable part of all our lives.
Hi Stephanie, The last thing a person who is dying loses is their sense of hearing. Even though Jeff is non-verbal he can hear you. Take turns talking to him. Have your kids and Jeff's parents share memories. Try openings like: "Thank you for teaching me..." or "I will never forget when..." or "My favourite memory is..."Good luck and keep us posted.
Yes! Although he is cognitively affected by the brain tumors, we can tell he is understanding at least some of the things we are communicating. Additionally, we have him in the living room. Even if we’re not talking directly to him, he is privy to our conversations.
You said alot when you said jeff didnt catch a break this whole journey.....i feel almost like a robber thief for all the breaks i have gotten...and there is probably no solace in saying i would give up a good psa test or what have you so that jeff could spend a painless hour with those who have given so much to make the unbearable journey a spiral filled with love....this is the crux of life...it boils down to faith is tested when the good people are bested....and those who impail others with hurt go along their merry way.....peace to you in these time....if love could heal......kevin ☘️🇺🇦
I send my love to you all. I wish I could do more. I hope that things go as smoothly as possible. You, your children and poor lovely and loved Jeff are in my thoughts and prayers.
Tearfully reading your posts. They must be so hard to write. We are all carrying you and Jeff in our hearts right now. Prayers for a peaceful pain free transition for Jeff. And strength for you and the kids. Jeff has been so blessed to have you by his side advocating for him and now making sure his wishes are honored.
Ironically, Jeff’s sister said the same to me this morning. Everything I’ve done for Jeff stems from love. In regards to writing about him, all I could think to say was, “his story matters”. ❤️
And you've are an incredible part of that story, Stephanie. Your narratives have always been of "realistic hope" - a place of unbelievable strength and, well, calmness. To read that you "...felt so entirely helpless and utterly alone" was the ultimate heartbreak for me in a heartbreaking story. Thanks for advocating and speaking for Jeff and sharing it with us - both of you have lived with love throughout all of this, and it has been inspiring.
Omg! Stephanie , you are so wonderful . I’m happy that the pain is managed and that he is home . Thank God for you all by his side! He does know that you are there . May peace be upon you all in this transition! 🙏😭💔
I wish I give you all a big hug in person but A virtual hug will have to do. You are amazing people and family and Jeff no doubt knows the love you have for him and I am sure that provides him comfort!
A time for good memories, a time for prayer and meditation. Family will be there, and Jeff will feel their presence.Jeff and Stephanie, you never caught a break. So sorry it has come to this so soon. Be without pain, and the Battle behind you. You had to fight. How would you know if you didnt fight? You deserved more time. But, the reality is that you are home now. Rest, be at Peace knowing you literally did everything you could.
Such an evocative post -- I well up reading it. In one major way, your Jeff is a lucky man -- he has you and all those who love him at his side. I'm reminded of a song by Dave Carter, When I Go, the final stanzas:
Sigh, mournful sister, whisper and turn
I will rattle like dry leaves when I go
Stand in the mist where my fire used to burn
I will camp on the night breeze when I go
And should you glimpse my wandering form out on the borderline
Between death and resurrection and the council of the pines
Do not worry for my comfort, do not sorrow for me so
All your diamond tears will rise up and adorn the sky beside me when I go
Please remember that hospice is there to ensure your courageous Jeff's needs but also the needs of you and your family. My sister died of gallbladder cancer on 12/4/21 at home in hospice care. The hospice nurse and social worker were the angels who tended to all of us.May you have a peaceful calm as you love Jeff along the way of his transition. May Grace bless you all.
When my mother was in her last days we played her favorite music which I hope comforted her. If Jeff enjoys music you might consider playing his favorites.
My thoughts are with you. It's easy to say that Jeff is a "lucky man" to have his family around him, but it sounds as if this guy is getting all the love he deserves in these last moments of his life. Your words reflect your love for Jeff, and thank you for taking the time to share with us, because sadly as Jeff steps off the carousel it seems as if we all get closer to that last ride. My guide in my job as a nurse was my son in law who died from a very rapid cancer at the age of 29, and I asked him how the cocktail of meds (very similar to Jeffs) made him feel, especially those prn doses for breakthrough pain and he just smiled and said, "Don't worry, they just pull me away from the pain, and I'm in a kind of spaceship looking down at you all, and its beautiful" That lovely young man has helped guide my decisions in the correct use of pain medications. Where there is love, even in the darkness hours, there is strength and beauty.
I have been following Jeff's journey and have been struck by your grace, kindness and openness. Jeff is an inspiration for all of us and I know we all wish to have someone like you to be by our side. May the coming days provide comfort for Jeff and time for your family to remind him of what he means to you.
so sorry but glad you were able to get your Jeff home; being in familiar, comfortable place is good and with family, friends and other loved ones, he will rest much easier and more peacefully. God bless you all and hoping God wraps you in his hands and arms to comfort all.
You belong in another level of admiration of a person’s dedication and commitment as a soul mate never parting or want to diminish it.I would guess if I may that his destination is beyond his capacity and he knows. Stephanie you are what love could never diminish for the commander the nurse the wife the compassion of all love person should engraved and engrained of why we are here not any selfless or selfish needs.Stephanie you have to remember if this helps Jeff would have replicated the endurances O you gave with no questions ask.When my mother passed and the hour or so before she transitioned and just lying there and eyes closed I told her so loud in my room and family (after she done her special cross above my forehead the same day)I LOVE YOU MOM AND A HEART BEAT ROSE RECORDED IN MACHINE I KNEW SHE HEARD ME then I knew she left the room .My heart to your heart of heart's to you and Jeff love is never separated and-unconditionally rejoined
It is true that luck---or the lack of it--- can play a big part in these journeys. I am glad for Jeff, but also for all of your family, that he is home with all of you for this stage. To be surrounded by his loved ones is the last and best gift that you can give him. Blessings to all of you.
It is comforting to know that Jeff was able to come home to hospice and die in familiar surroundings with the love and care of his family with the hospice helpers. He passed so quickly but that may have been a blessing. RIP
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Heading down hospice road too…
He’s on his way home…
Mike is on hospice
