Does anyone have any recommendations on how to deal with awful anxiety when given a horrendous test result? This is by far the worst I have felt since diagnosis over 4 years ago and I see my Onco on Monday who I know is going to give me an awful life expectancy.
Ideas on how to cope with anxiety/dep... - Advanced Prostate...
Ideas on how to cope with anxiety/depression?
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konichiwa12
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How could your oncologist possibly know your life expectancy?
I practice mindfulness to help keep my focus on the present moment. It's very easy to learn but it took me months of daily practice until it became a habit.
He has indicated this before, "we may be able to manage your condition for several years....."I am booked on a Resilience and Wellbeing course at work on 1st March. I saw it and thought it would be useful for me.
For me an awful lot of how I deal with it was first I had to except it. It is what it is, I can't change it I can't fix it I can just live with it until I can't, that'said I have something to do every day and someplace to go every chance I get and something new to learn and something to see and when my friends ask me how I am doing I just say I'm doing good until I'm not and I'll figure that out then. I also live alone and nights are hard. I am putting a trip together right now to go to Columbia for 10 days I want to paraglide the second largest Mountain Valley in the world. Next July I will be at the rodeo at Frontier Days in Cheyenne. Hopefully. Don't worry about dying,
Enjoy the rest of your living.
Burnett1948 My psychiatrist told me to do adult coloring.in. I use it as my fallback therapy when mindfulness medication doesn’t seem to work. It helps. I was diagnosed with major depression years ago before the worry of Prostate cancer.
Coloring sounds good. Along with marijuana. (notice my avatar).I don't think basket weaving would work for me then again who knows ha.
My doctor put me on Cymbalta for anxiety and depression brought on by meds. I also developed a mean aggressive streak which led to fights. All better now
Go hang out with my ex wife for a few hours ….. And when you get back , you’ll be so thankful that you’ll never be depressed again.
Two depressed men are sitting in a bar drinking ….. one says to the other : “ say … did you see the new ice cubes with the hole in the middle ?..
The other man says , “ I’ve been married to one for years “ .
When I’m depressed I go out in the middle of a cornfield and talk it out …. It’s all ears……
I was so depressed that I was late for everything …. I threw myself behind a train.
How long does it take a depressed person to change a light bulb ??? 5 days and I’m proud of it !!!
Your doctor/s can’t know how long you will live. When I was diagnosed ( it was very late ), a grim team of doctors sitting at a table told my wife and myself that they recommended I enter inpatient hospice immediately. That was 38 months ago and I’m still here ticking … a little rough around the edges but still raising heck.
You have to decide to look at your glass as half full and get going doing all the things that are entertaining and fun … this with immediacy. Get off your posterior , quit feeling sorry for yourself ….. do some good pain relievers and mental space drugs ( opiates , marijuana and benzos are a good start ) and do fun stuff while you can. Talk is cheap and suckers walk, if you are late stage 4, get up and get going making what remains of your life fun and interesting, any way you can.
Plus you’ve got a responsibility to your loved ones …. Let them see you upbeat and gett’in after it / things and give them emotional support as well … they are keying off your head space more than you realize. You helping them will help you dramatically. Being upbeat is additive.
This is just my take, others may vary considerably … your mileage will differ … make that mileage count.
Just say’in brother 😂😂😂 ❤️❤️❤️
Wow, that is me told! Great advice and great motivation for me thank you very much! 💪
I think gregg57 had the best advice and there are probably many more morsels in the rest of what the rest of us have posted as well. I’m pretty sure that all of us get bummed out now and then, I know I do. That’s the nature of this game and the beauty of the great guys and gals here on the group. You can get on here and vent and you’ll be among supportive like minded brothers and sisters that understand how you feel.
Best wishes brother ❤️❤️❤️
Kaliber-- you're an MVP-- most valuable poster! Great post! Keep on!
I was so depressed that I was late for everything …. I threw myself behind a train.
Sooo goood... 🤪😊👍
❤️❤️❤️
I would suggest reaching out for some help. We all need it at times. There are professionals that are good at helping get through these times. I've used one and it made a big difference for me.
I find that I have to allow myself to be disappointed when things don't go well with tests, etc. but then I try to move toward acceptance is quickly as I can. For me, that's the key to preserving whatever quality of life I have left. We fight hard and do everything we can, but then we have to let it go and free ourselves.
Kaliber in reply to
Great reply …👏👏👏
If your MO gives you a unfavorable life span, backhand him/her and find a MO that has a plan to keep you going for a decade.
I have a counselor to help me work through the grief. She has helped me move toward continuing to fight, while accepting that I might not win.
If you're being treated at a comprehensive care center, they should be able to set up counseling for you.
In the end , no one ,PCa or not, wins ! Something always get us...no???
Good point. My perspective has changed on this. I still like the mental and management challenge of guiding my care team, but it seems less urgent.
I had a couple video conferences yesterday, and afterwards I thought about how they have become more like business meetings. I guess that's a sign of my change in perspective.
My diagnosis was similar to yours. My advice is to “embrace the horror”. You might have envisioned sitting by the fire aged 85 with loved ones but it’s not going to happen. Once you face the reality and accept it, life becomes much clearer and beautiful, because you know you have a limited time span and you appreciate it much more. Why let the fear of tomorrow spoil the joy of today?
in reply to Tonyliv
Acceptance is freedom.
That is why I love this forum. I was feeling desperate and lost. Now I feel uplifted! Thank you all, 🤩.
My first UO said I wouldn't see the end of 2018.I'm writing this post because SOC treatments have slowed things down and a PSA of 1303, stage 4 seem like a very long time ago.
"Feeling" better now than in years. CT this week reports that lymph nodes have decreased in size.
On my "last" treatment and when it eventually runs down may be nearly it for me.
No one can accurately predict YOUR future.
Try CBD oil, helped ME, 200-400mg a day can help without any side effects. Less pain, less anxiety, more sleep.
2Dee
Hey Konichiwa, Sorry you're feeling this way.
As others have said above, the docs usually cannot predict well the life expectancy. All over this site, you can read posts about people who were told they would live, for example, 5 more years after diagnosis, and they've actually lived 20 or more.
Any long-term predictive data out there is based on treatments that were done many years ago. But today's treatments and medicines are better. So there's really not a lot of solid data predicting survival rates for today's treatments.
I've been a depressive for many years, before my prostate cancer diagnosis. Here's what works for me. It never works 100%, but just enough to keep me going:
Get some vigorous exercise, on a regular basis. Do weights 2x per week. They don't have to be very heavy. Just do what you can. Start small. I do aerobic exercise on machines in front of the TV watching Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Ozark, Sopranos and more. The time flies quickly!
If doing weights at the gym, listen to podcasts or youtube videos while working out There are a lot of good youtube videos on prostate cancer, by experts such as Dr. Mark Moyad. Good stuff.
See a therapist. Venting feels good.
Get some depression drugs. Lexapro is good. Zoloft is good, but it mucks with your sleep for a while when you go on it.
Sometimes depression is a result of bad sleeping. I use Xanax, just 0.25 mg per night. It's NIIIICCE! Watch though, it's addictive.
I try to minimize intake of processed sugar. For me, it's a drug that mucks with my head and my weight.
Do some volunteer work. I try to help jobseekers with resumes, connections, linked in profiles and job searches. It puts my mind on the other person's problem, not mine. Maybe you have some sort of theme where you can volunteer.
Blessings.
Great advice and thank you so much for replying. Therapists are really very rare in the UK - stiff upper lip and all that! There has been a very big change in people's attitudes towards mental health especially for men which is good. I am also going to look at "Mindfulness" which has been recommended by several people here. I see my Onco on Monday night so I can ask about possible medications to help. Thanks again! 🙏🤞😀
Hi,I had an excellent therapist more than 20 years ago in Forest Hill, I can’t remember the organisation’s name that referred me.
It wasn’t the NHS, they could only offer 10 sessions of CBT. It was an organisation covering therapists. Sorry that I can’t remember more than that.
If you’re experiencing dreadful anxiety, Mirap (Mirtazapine) worked for me, within about 2 weeks, your GP can prescribe on the NHS. I can’t recommend anything for depression; nothing worked for me except intensive psychodynamic psychotherapy. It really worked and still does i.e. the benefits continue long term decades after completing the therapy.
I hope that you can get through the near future with some calm and comfort.
Hugh
Much respect to you, konichiwa. And appreciation to all those who replied with their excellent counsel. In thanks, I'll share what I do. It's rather simple, but it works for me..
Have a hot epsom salts bath each morning; have an ice bath every evening.
Go for a long outdoor walk each morning.
Take 1gm of cannabis each day, in the form of home-made cannabis bread; 1/2gm immediately after waking, 1/2gm just before going to bed. I make the bread from my last harvest of home-grown, which is very satisfying.
Listen to a lot of music, mostly jazz, blues, and funk; the rhythms seem to help. I hadn't listened to music at all for a very long time, so starting again has been a journey of discovery, which I think helps my brain work better.
Trust my oncologist enough that, once in a while, I can unload and fall apart in his presence. And enough that I can challenge him about treatment options. I also like him, which helps.
Reflect deeply and honestly on my past and present. I've come to terms with some deep-seated personal issues, and therefore can accept who I am now. I like who I am, and I celebrate it.
Each day, fall in love all over again with my wife. That brings me to a sense of wholeness that I don't find anywhere else.
Thanks for reading.
In Jesus I have life after death so it does not bother me. I say this in all truthfulness. I hope you can find his peace too.
So many good suggestions here I will just add to them for things that work for me. My oncologist has social workers who are very willing to meet and talk with you to pick up on some of the anxieties caused by treatments or prognosis. Most important for me is to have a support group of some sort. PC cancer support group in Denver failed. I have been in a Men's Group for almost 30 years and I share openly with them when the news isn't so good. They are remarkably able to support someone who is hurting. I also had, until recently, a minister who was a great resource. Unfortunately he has moved on after 14 years.
My wife has been a rock but she now has dementia so less able to comprehend and support. I have a physician daughter in the area and we schedule a coffee hour once a week. Total role reversal for me since I spent a lot of my life supporting her.
I think it is all about surrounding yourself with positive people. Get rid of the negative ones in your life.
My local family started having "family dinners" for those able to come. We do it about 2-3 times per month on a Sunday evening. We try to talk about what went well in each of our lives the past week or two.(stay positive). There are 10 of us locally and even the youngest, 10 years old, wants to contribute. My grandkids who are here all know what is going on. They also provide a lot of laughs.
See every day as a gift you have been given once you have been through a dark period with cancer. My MO made it clear that we would never look for the word "cure" but that there were many treatment options to give me an acceptable quality of life. (I had to do some work defining what that meant with a social worker).
My doctor gave me Effexor for the depression and the hot flashes. It helped on both counts. Good luck warrior 🙏🙏😢
Today is a gift from God. We are not promised tomorrow , only today. Don't ruin the only day you have worrying about what might happen tomorrow.
Have your oncologist prescribe you anxiety and depression meds! This fight is also about quality of life while you keep fighting PC as long as you can. For me, when I was 49 years old in early 2012 salvage radiation failed and bone scan and biopsy confirmed multiple bone mets. I was put on Lupron and Casodex. Within several months or so as my testosterone dropped I became an emotional train wreck inside, anxiety/depression, and trying hard to hide it. Had never felt anything like it before, with tears and a lump in my throat a regular occurrence. I know everyone is different. Fortunately, my oncologist realized it as I spoke to her about my nonstop hot flashes. She prescribed 75mg Venlafaxine once a day and Xanax as needed. I usually take half a xanax at night before bed, don't want to get hooked on that. Oncologist said Venlafaxine would help with both problems. I've read there are better depression meds for us but this was the one she prescribed and it has worked great for me for the last ten years.There is a lot of great advice and support on this site as you go through the journey. The biggest one that sticks with me is quality of life, and the meds have given me this. I wish you the best of luck.
I don't have much to add as everyone has given a great response here.On a humorous note I always recall a previous post on this subject and one of our brothers said:
"Jesus Christ if you are diagnosed with stage 4 the first prescription should be for an antidepressant"!
Here are two of my Smile makers. I’m struggling with my ADT. They are at my house today. No time to be sad too busy keeping up with them.
My two grandchildren. They brighten my day.
Legend!
Well good afternoon to you....I have the three D’s, depression, anxiety, and dyslexia.....
Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.
j-o-h-n Friday 02/04/2022 8:01 PM EST
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