I want to thank all of you for being always there for me and my husband. I always had a home I could come to when I had to make a decision. We come together with far more gifts than information. It’s as if we are a collective of people facing something we wished we didn’t have to, yet reaching into far more than information - what words can we use to communicate who we were to each other at any given time.
It’s taken me 6 months to write. My husband was diagnosed in May 2007 with stage 4 metastatic PCa cancer. We found it because of pain in his rib. He lived 14 years. 12 of those years were beyond productive and active. He wrote his last paper 3 weeks before taking his last breath.
He never complained until the pain became ‘the’ main problem. He had a zest for life. He didn’t want to leave though the pain helped him to know he couldn’t stay. We were unconventional travelers on this unwanted journey. We chose to blend conventional with what is called alternative.
I have no answers for what kept him alive for 14 years. All I have is gratitude since no one knows who is responsive to protocols.
I never expected the depth of grief along with the intersecting gratitude and their relationship to each other. My life is changed forever. I was gifted with a love affair that actually grew stronger and closer. I do believe going through this together gave us the greatest gift of knowing love.
At 55 I prayed he’d respond and live a year. I never dreamed of 14. So we never know. It’s the challenge and the teacher of not knowing and being in the moment, one foot in front of the other.
This experience has broken my heart open to great compassion and ongoing love. I wish I had a fairy dust to sprinkle our difficulties away. That’s the child part. The wiser part has come away able to exchange information and yet know nothing. We each walk our path.
Thank you for what you’ve all really given to us which really added up to caring. May you find ease and peace and the strongest of health. And may we as a collective humanity somehow stop this epidemic.
I’m not leaving the group. I began with the advanced PCa group probably 14 years ago. My tribute to the brave men like John Arnold and the many more who shared so much of their journey, and those who contribute so much here. With so much love, we both thank you. Jim and I will always be together, no matter what. Our love and devotion was not killed or deadend by nasty PCa. We beat it
Love beat it!!