Tomorrow is my seventh CT scan. This isn't the first time I've blogged about being anxious ahead of time.
It's Scanxiety Time Again: Tomorrow is... - Advanced Prostate...
It's Scanxiety Time Again
Written by
tom67inMA
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
34 Replies
•
Now that I am doing blood and PSA every 3 months I have found my anxiety has increased at those times and decreased in between tests as opposed to doing them monthly.
Strange thing: I used to go in for tests joyfully when my PSA was plummeting and all the news was good. It's only when the news became bad, forced me to leave work, go on what seems like endless chemotherapy, which made me anemic and forced me to stop running that my scanxiety started ramping up. The pandemic also cuts off a lot of potential coping mechanisms as well.
While the pandemic cuts off some coping mechanisms, some are undiminished and perhaps even strengthened: writing blog posts (for you), reading blog posts (for us -- thank you), and handing one's anxieties over to God (for Nal).
When I was active in a twelve-step program over a decade ago, I actually got pretty good at handing anxieties over to God for a few years. But if it isn't a regular practice, one can easily lose the skill for it, like anything else that isn't regularly practiced.
Lately, I find reading a few pages of Thich Nhat Hahn ("You Are Here") to be very helpful in moments where my lack of a regular practice leaves me with a looming and gnawing sense of dread.
We all know that every upcoming event (like a scan) has two basic possibilities: things are okay, or things are not okay. The trick is figuring out how to be okay, now, with the possibility that things won't be okay, then.
The only way that I know of is Presence: FULLY being here, now, in the here and now. Wish I was better at it. MY mind spends the vast majority of its time in the past or in the future.
Hope you will be rooting for your namesake (Tom-formerly-in-MA) tonight, and you can enjoy the game. Thanks again for your blog posts!
I think you nailed it with being okay that the scan results might not be okay, and I'm struggling mightily with that because at some point one has to say "enough", stop treatment, and make the most of their final days. I don't think I'm at that point yet, but it's been ever present in my mind for several months.
I'm not even sure I'm very fond of "things are okay" possibility, because that means continuing on chemo which is getting increasingly sucky. My chemo port has been in about a year now and it hasn't had so much as a month off (if the time I was "only" on immunotherapy is included).
I do not look forward to that time when things "not getting worse" seem to only mean things remain at the status quo of staying "pretty sucky." I suppose to some extent we expect that as an eventuality, but not until we are at least into our 70s or hopefully 80s. But there are no guarantees, so I try to be grateful that such was not the case in my 20s or 30s. Best of luck to you.
Lots of luck, Tom. Please keep us posted with your results. Stay safe.
Thank you. I never get offended by a prayer. The first person outside of my family that I informed of my PC diagnosis said she would say a prayer for me, and I will never forget the sincerity of that gesture.
Someone once told me, whenever you are about to go through a door into an anxiety-provoking situation, remember to pause for a moment, and consciously let God go through the door ahead of you. Best advice ever... but the key to great advice is to actually take it!
As always, wishing you the best results possible. There is a movie already made for you. Mel Brooks' High Scanxiety. Be sure to LOL.
My Dude - I cant even count the scans anymore, lost track years ago. Find your center and let it go.
We are all in the same boat, we cannot change what had happened just what the future will happen. Scans are anxious for all of us as is PSA test, they are markers for whatever the next step is, stay the course or see what is next which can be scary. Trust in God, pray for his guidance and healing, I stopped praying for a cure last year so I pray for a healing by whatever he had in mind. That gives me inner peace, the hot flashes are a pain and so is the increase in emotions but have accepted both.
Strange but for me I get more anxiety by waiting 3 months for testing. I prefer monthly. Better to know bad news than to imagine worse news.
Schwah
Understand completely. Have mine today also. I find the scan day to be ok. Its waiting to see the Doc for the results that wear me out. Good luck today with the scan.
Happily for me, I go straight from the scan with a CD to the oncologist who has already consulted with the radiologist who read the scan, then he reads the scan himself in front of me and my wife and we all discuss it. Even when the news is horrific we find a way to get a laugh or two in. Having a smart oncologist with a sense of dark humor is priceless. He once told me I violated the "one per customer" rule at the cancer store, and that I should stop going there. I replied that when I saw the window display I couldn't help myself. Now I'm thinking he probably doesn't make jokes with all his patients.
I have to wait until Friday. Get bone scan on Wednesday so review both on Friday.
It was the brick wall offensive line that gave Brady the time to throw, and the TB defense that kept Mahones in the dirt all night.
I like to keep my scans down because one of the causes of cancer is radiation. Scans are gradually improving, or it would be nice to believe they are.
This scan and the previous one are to assess if treatment is working. I've seen how much my cancer can grow in 9 weeks when the wrong treatment is used. That scares me more than the radiation.
Lots of penalties on the KC defense last night, most seemed reasonable, but on at least one play the TB receiver looked like he took a dive to draw the flag on an overthrown pass.
In Tampa this morning we’ve turned into Bradyville. Saint Tom owns the city. The poor New England fans Must be especially disgusted with patriots management.
Actually, there still seems to be a lot of love here for Brady and Gronk. Nobody ever really liked Belichick, too grumpy in press conferences.
I can certainly understand how they would maintain affection for Brady and Gronk. Did Belichick make the decision to end Brady’s years with the Patriots?
No, Brady made the decision to leave, but Belichick was an idiot. Several times they restructured Brady's contract to free up cap space to get better quality receivers, and then didn't go and get the receivers. You really have to go back to 2007 when they had Randy Moss and the undefeated season to find a year Brady had multiple quality receivers to throw the ball to. The last few years if a defense could shut down Gronk and Edelman there wasn't anybody else who could catch a football.
Yep the month ahead of my scans is a real rough one for me.
All best wishes! My turn next week!
Good luck Tom! Anxiety is a "normal" mechanism. If allowed to become excessive, anxiety can be corrosive and counterproductive. Learn to control it and not be controlled by it. Best wishes for all good news! MF
Join the human race, Tom. Just keep breathing.
I have been a member of a Men's Group where it is safe to talk about your concerns and get lots of support from people I know and trust. It really helps with the scanxiety. I also have some close family and a pastor who are supportive during the hard times. Covid has disrupted weekly family meals together but hoping we can get back to that. When together we each share something good that has happened in our past week. Very effective.
We're all rooting for you, Tom. Let us know how it goes.
I hear you. I hate waiting for PSA results. Keeping an eye on thread for helpful ways to manage that anxiety.
Hey Thomas.... I too get goosebumps whenever I see my Ducktor.........
Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.
j-o-h-n Monday 02/08/2021 7:41 PM EST
I detest competition............👀
Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.
j-o-h-n Monday 02/08/2021 8:02 PM EST
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
Here we go again. Scan time
CT, bone scan right after. Hope there is enough time to grab a bite before MRI. Oh sure, scans may...
Doubling Time Question
gives time of 9.09 mos.
Using last 12 months gives time of 8.77 mos.
Using last 9 months give time...
PSA at time of diagnosis?
Best time to take Zytiga
NY Times on Sugar and Cancer. 
Timing of XGeva & Radium 223. 
Average time to Abiraterone failure?
