Hello friends: I am home and in hospice... - Advanced Prostate...

Advanced Prostate Cancer
10,345 members12,273 posts

Hello friends

Cisco99
Cisco99

I am home and in hospice after two weeks in hospital and on deep chemo and zytiga brain. But all that is gone. Just blue sky calling me now.

My PSA has risen to 25 and will doubtless rise higher I just wanted to thank many of you for your friendship and counsel.

For all this I am pretty comfortable, fitted with a plastic chest device -- reminds me of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle that keeps my spine from falling and setting off paralysis. It is awkward and was slapped together in an hour's time while I was in hospital by the Winkley Bros.

I know that some of you were angry at me for posting things I had written. Sorry I guess I had premonitions -- and I thought many of the pieces had meaning for some folks here.

Peace to you all ...

123 Replies
oldestnewest

Cisco I am so sorry to hear of your condition. Know that I will include you in my prayers and may God ease your pain and give you the will to continue to fight.

Your writings are dear to you and that is all that matters. Sharing them is a way of showing you care. Thank you!

Darryl
DarrylAdministrator

We are with you.

Dear Cisco, I'm sadden to hear of the progression. May your passing be peaceful and with loved ones there.

I liked your posts, that was your way of dealing with damn PCa. All good

Blessings and Hugs

Randy

Saddened that it has come to this. Always love reading your posts. You are a very smart man. So happy that you are pain free. You are in our hearts..

Thank you for the unfortunate update, my thoughts and prayers are definitely with you and your family! May you find peace and comfort in the days ahead....🕊️🙏❤️

P.S. I, for one, often enjoyed and always appreciated your posts...they were uniquely yours and came from the heart. I also pray that Boris Karloff is no longer a member of your care team...😉

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to siouxbee19

Not by day, at least <3

siouxbee19
siouxbee19
in reply to Cisco99

Well thank goodness, I think...😉🕊️

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to Cisco99

Haha 😆

Lyubov
Lyubov
in reply to Cisco99

Your family, your faith, your gift of poetry and humor will provide support as you continue on your journey. I picture, Dante's "Paradiso" awaiting you!

Dear Cisco99,

I am so sorry to hear of this turn of events. Much of your poetry went right to my heart ,and I will treasure it always.

Although we have never met, I consider you a friend.

You are in my thoughts and prayers always.

Tom

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Tmetz

Likewise Tom. Wishing all of you my best!

Hi Cisco, I’m sorry to hear about your turn. I really enjoyed your poetry. Peace to you and your family.

We are all saddened by your post.

Thank you for being there for us. Your strength and courage stays with us all. Forever. Still think of you each time I go to buy milk!

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to MichaelDD

Good one!

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to MichaelDD

😆

Indeed your posts held meaning and value for me and for others. I have a friend without PC that looks forward to me sending your posts on to him. I am saddened that you have had such a downturn. If you catch any inspiration or insights from the Blue Skies in your situation please pass them on.

Yes there were those who did not recognize the innocence and good-heartedness of some of your posts, that is just a matter of perspective. Please do not carry any ill feelings or shame from that. You belong here among your brothers in this fight. We are all walking this road together in our own way and doing the best we can. Always the Highest. - Paul

Cisco sad to hear whats happening. I did enjoy your posts. We will keep you in our prayers

I am so sorry to read this. I'm saddened every time a brother's battle reaches the final round, but it's particularly personal when it's a regular contributor I've become friendly with. Very sad indeed.

Please continue to post as much as you can, and if it's poetic so much the better. The one silver lining in your situation is that consequences aren't the deterrent they used to be.

I hope you will be comfortable in this final time. I'm glad that you are still alert, and able to write.

I enjoy your posts! It reflects your personality - who you are. I like that you express yourself the way you do ... and want to share your thoughts and observations with the rest of our community.

I can picture the site of a teenage mutant ninja turtle attachment. Perhaps it will allow you to fight off the bad guys!

Bottom line is that you are an important member of our community! And we are all better for having gotten to know you.

Godspeed! And as our good friend Nalakrats always says - Shalom (peace)...

James

Thanks so much, James!

Hidden
Hidden

New to this site. I hope you are doing okay in hospice. It's hard to know what is right and wrong to say, except that especially in the Lenten season, we are all made aware of our own mortality. Peace be with you and your family. A mansion that has been prepared, awaits you at His choice. ZapKU

Good luck in the future keep fighting. Find a positive in each day. In a blue sky you sometimes see clouds that harken to a day in the past when we were kids laying on our backs turning the shapes of clouds into animals and other imaginary creatures.

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to noirhole

Yes! To be a kid again ! In heaven

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Whimpy-p

Beautiful ...

Spagnoli12
Spagnoli12
in reply to Cisco99

Thank you, Cisco. You stay in my thoughts, I was grateful for your help with my troubling questions. PC is lousy. I hope you get to say, like Steve Jobs did, "Oh, wow!" In my thoughts, Cisco, in my thoughts.

Hey Cisco99...I hope you find peace with your Family and friends... we all have to leave this earth for heaven ....please find comfort and hopefully free of pain. My thoughts are with you.

Hey Cisco! Blue skies ahead ! Don’t worry about others being mad . That’s their prob amigo . I’m glad that you are at home . The winkly Bros? Dam .. that sounds horrible .. Thanks for sharing that you’re at home. Apc a real mofo out to take us down . Don’t let it break your spirit or your humanity . Anyone that thinks that they are not going to submit in the end has another thing coming . May you receive mercy and an end to suffering. God bless your family . Many here pray for you . Including me .

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Whimpy-p

Words to live by -- or whatever!

I'm new here and in my short time have found your posts to be "pretty dam cool !!! ;0)" Can't pray for you as I am not a believer and not sure about that Heaven place but feel that all things negative will be gone once your AWESOME SPIRIT leaves these Earthly confines.

My belief is that we all experience being dead every time we fall asleep. There is PEACE, NO PAINS or WORRIES and after that it's all up to each individual as to what MAY or MAY NOT follow. Thanks again. PEACE

I like your language, A2C.

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to Cisco99

😫

Cisco, Loved your posts comments and thoughts.

You are an asset to our friendly compassionate caring community. Consider yourself in our prayers and the strength to keep on kick-in this disease. Keep us updated if you feel like it. Or if you don't. Caring for you my friend!

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to depotdoug

Thanks Doug

hey pal! another warrior going down-or is it up Cis??? enjoyed our battles, damn, life is so short short. See you on the other side, keep the wit sharp as I have lots prepared to continue crossing our swords of good!!!

-your warrior in arms"

-Canada Bill

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to billyboy3

Thank ya from just below the borderline, Bill

Cisco, it is my hope you can look back on your writing, bring back all the great memories in your life and reflect . May you be surrounded by those you love and enjoy the next journey life, once again, will offer! All the best to you

Tears fill my eyes friend. You will be missed.

Big, big hugs and one's that wouldn't hurt you...wishing you solace and comfort...

U have nothing to be sorry about you spoke from the heart and the truth i lost my love in January last year to this shityy disease and it doesn't matter how you do it or who you ask it attaks every man differently but we all cling on to what others say and that little bit of reassurance even if its a load of bollocks lol.

I can't day i will pray for u don't believe but i can promise I will be thinking of you good luck on your journey to wherever your going xxxxxx

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Wongle1

Thank you dear wongle!

j-o-h-n
j-o-h-n
in reply to Wongle1

Dear Wongle1,

I am sorry to hear about the passing of your Loved One in January 2019. All of us here are brothers fighting "this shity disease" and we are always saddened by the loss of one of us. May you forever live with the wonderful thoughts of your hero.. God Bless...

j-o-h-n Sunday 03/01/2020 1:07 AM EST

I remember one of your prescient posts a few months ago, "Hooray for dying".

It's a real bummer to hear about the hospice now but maybe it validates some of your earlier thoughts published for our group. Something most of us will face and though we recognize everything is a cycle with a beginning and an end we would prefer it happen tomorrow rather than today.

I appreciate you sharing your profound thoughts with us for our consideration.

Isn't it kind of amazing that you have had such an impact and a presence on so many here. You will be missed.

2Dee

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to 2dee

YOUre amazed -- I'm flabbergasted! Thanks 2dee

You better not be sorry my friend. Your musings and postings were fabulous. Most of us enjoyed them and others were.....well screwem. You’re a brave son of a bitch and we all are sending our love and friendship your way. How’s your pain control ?

Schwah

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Schwah

It's really not that bad. I take 15 mg morphine or 15 mg MSCon. Problems is remembering to take more when it wears off. It's pretty self-regulating -- when the hurt gerts significant, you gobble down a pill.

I walk shakily. Today I saw my upstairs bedroom for the first time in a month. It was nothing like I remembered. Morphine repaints the memory. I still have a hard time believing my house is like it is. It should be much smaller, and sitting in a swamp.

The trick is to hold onto your mind as long as you can. I surely will not be dashing off notes to HU when I pass that roadsign.

Schwah
Schwah
in reply to Cisco99

That is very good news. Living with uncontrollable pain is probably the biggest fear the guys here have. Glad to know yours in at least manageable. If you get the inclination, throw out another one of your cool musings/poems. Lots of us would enjoy that.

Schwah

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Schwah

I don't know what happens ... but presumably it gets worse -- the pain. People tell me they can hang at this spot where I am at AND LIVE TWO PLUS YEARS. It's what your tumor decides to let happen. My doctor always called mine "aggressive" -- but maybe that has limited meaning, like, expect it to leak out every ow and then. I don't know.

Schwah -- I posted a new one, just for you.

"Every OW and then" -- cool typo!

Hello Cisco,

I am sorry to hear this. Have you tried Joe Tippens protocol? Give it a shot. Some people hv moved out of hospice using it. You never know.

More importantly, you are precious and always God’s beloved. Jesus has been by your side throughout your journey even though you may have felt otherwise. Rest in Him.

Shalom

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Millbrook

What is Joe Tippens protocol?

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Cisco99
Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Cisco99

That is outrageous!

Millbrook
Millbrook
in reply to Cisco99

mycancerstory.rocks/single-...

Read this then join the private Facebook group.

All the best. My husband is on the protocol

Millbrook
Millbrook
in reply to Millbrook

Joe tippens protocol

1. 600 mg bioavailable curcumin daily

2. Vitamin E - we take only tocotrienols - not the mixed -500-800 mg daily

3. Fenbendazole - 222/ 250 mg of fenben per dose. It works out to 1 g of Panacur- preferably taken with some oil or fatty food as it increases absorption

Some people take 2 doses a day everyday for a few weeks and then

Drop to a few days a week. Joe took 3 days on n rested 4 days

We also take milk thistle for the liver and pectarsol C. Best to check liver enzymes when on this.

Oh Kid, so sorry to hear you're in a pretty shit state. Apologies from all of us here for not being able to keep you back from The Edge. I've enjoyed shooting the shit with you and I hope for a miracle on your behalf. At least the dope will be provided on-tap. If you see a guy in a sheet carrying a scythe, tell him to Fuck Off you're busy. My very best wishes to your family. You're their hero and ours too. See you on the other side when we are all liberated...

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to TFBUNDY

It's gonna be a real plane crash. But, as I understand it, there's treats and stuff.

TFBUNDY
TFBUNDY
in reply to Cisco99

Well I crashed my plane once and I'm still here, so miracles happen. If you decide enough, then go in peace. If you meet my daughter give her a hug and tell her I'll see her in 40 years time... See you on the other side My Friend.

You're attitude is right on! I have gone back and read your posts and thought they reflected your sense of what was happening to your body. Nothing to be sorry about. It's your body and you feel like you feel!

I am sorry to see anyone go but you seem okay with it and that is what really counts. I hope that your loved ones are with you and that they are making that transition easier. If they can be okay with seeing you off in a good and positive way, I think it helps them through their grief also.

Peace to you and your family as well. I wish you a calm and painless journey. While none of us really know each other, we all have become an odd set of friends who understand what we are all going through. You will be missed.

Good luck.

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to dmt1121

Thanks dmt -- see ya around!

So sorry Cisco.❤️

As I look back at your writings here they are so unique and enjoyable. If you have to leave soon, I hope it is with a minimum of pain. You will be missed.

Mary

Cisco, heart hugs to you from Atlanta! I have so loved all of your posts! It’s like having coffee with a friend and talking about Life and it’s rollercoaster ride...

Journey easily my writer friend....

It ALL has meaning. Our challenge is to find it. Go in peace.

May the Lord bless you and keep you and give you peace

Hello my Brother, Do not forget to turn on your navigation lights at night. The left side twinkles red the right green and the tail side white......I will do the same in N40JB and I will do a chandelle say a prayer and waggle my wings....you can grade my flying when we actually meet in heaven....Blue Skies , Sky King and Penny (woof)

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to pilot52

I understand they are having a problem with celestial collisions.

Heaven joke by Chon Day, New yorker, 1960s:

Two fat old middle class white men stand on cloud with harps.

"I expected the harp and wings. But the webbed feet still surprised me."

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to Cisco99

Maybe we will all comeback as platypuses .😂🕊

God bless!

Peace be with you!

God bless Cisco, I will miss your posts. We should all be so lucky as to be able to choose hospice when the end times come calling. Peace brother.

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Mikeski

That is the stone truth. The word hospice has several meanings. I am using it today to describe my relationship with a local hospital. They send out nurses weekly to check on me and get me what I need -- drugs etc. They provide PT and OT visits as well.

I am not in the physical hospice yet -- a like a nursing home, where they keep you peaceful while you die.

Both are great blessings. I believe I may have one of the best hospital/hospice deals around (Minneapolis). I never have to go to the pharmacy again! Plus, they equipped me with a free hospital room -- bed, chair, table, potty, roulette table (jk).

Mikeski
Mikeski
in reply to Cisco99

Ah, I assumed in-home hospice. Great to hear.

Cisco - Although, I am not familiar with your posts, I know we all wish you peace. We are a brotherhood , and whether we appreciate each other's posts or not- we stand together, my friend.

God bless you in the time you have left and keep you free from pain

Hugh

May God grant you peace always. Thank you for everything.

Gob Bless!

Wishing you peace!

To everything turn turn turn there is a season. May you find comfort in these most difficult times. The prayers from the band of brothers are with you.

Cisco99 my thoughts and prayers are with you. I've enjoyed reading your poems, they all come from your heart.

oh my god, are you a vikings fan-like me??? heaven forbid!!!!!!! -note the humorous references Cis!!!!

See you in Valhalla, am sharpening my sword for our battles ahead!!!!

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to billyboy3

On again, off again. I record the games and then watch in fast-motion. If something good happens, I slow down and enjoy.

Hoping your dreams are good ones. Maybe you will just get up and walk away from that roulette wheel. It's been done. And people will marvel at the mutant turtle among then. Peace be with you.

Sorry to hear of your current situation but be assured that many of your fellow travellers are sending positive vibes your way and praying for peace and comfort!

Here’s to peace, comfort and eternal blue skies ahead, Cisco99. Thank you for sharing here.

Sorry to hear about youre turn of event

Hope all goes as good as can be

Regarding youre poetry

You made me mad

Made me glad

Made me sad

Made me laugh

Made me cry

Bottom line you moved me,made me think and stirred emotion. That is what poetry does. Overall reading was a positive thing. If you upset people, well tthat is what happens. There is good intent to youre writings.

Hpe you can assemble them all in one place. May be an intetesting read.

Take care of yourself and hope you can find a good solution to youre situation

I never wanted to hurt anyone. That's what confused me here. Thanks for the kind words.

Hidden
Hidden

The sky is beautiful. Peace be with you.

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Hidden

You bet brother ... into the trees we go

You may leave the physical world but your writings will remain forever. Peace and strength to you and put it all on red. It's due.

Sorry to hear this. I'm glad you are comfortable. Please keep us informed as long as you can.

Cisco, I don't post much on this forum, but I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed your frequently poetic and inspirational posts. I will miss them.

I wish you and your family a peaceful and serene transition. We will all meet on the other side soon, farewell!

Carlos

To Cisco99,

From your very first post on Sunday 12/22/2019 I could see that "we got a winner"... Your subsequent posts were a joy and sometimes an eye opener to me. I often wondered why you picked the userid Cisco99 then I realized there must be a Cisco98 already in the system. Please continue to post your inspirational and prolific writings so that I can plagiarise them and email them to my friends as if they were indeed mine. Get better and don't mess with the nurses, cause it's "A ME TOO" society now....BTW If anyone gives you a hard time, just tell them you know me......GET WELL NOW!!!

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Sunday 03/01/2020 12:50 AM EST

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to j-o-h-n

When I was in the 5th grade, school just starting, and I knew i would be facing new kids, all older than me, I TRIED to encourage the nickname Cisco. The Cisco Kid was competent, charismatic, a good guy who defied the Mexico stereotype in the 50s.

But really, I knew an old cook named Edith Cisco, who sold her own spaghetti sauce in NE Ohio. She and I worked kitchen work together. She was kind and tiny and nobody's fool. So the name called out to me.

j-o-h-n
j-o-h-n
in reply to Cisco99

Do you don't mean Edith (nee Mack) Cisco who was married to Floyd and lived at 505 South Broadway Spencerville Township,Allen, Ohio (married 12/24/1903 Auglaize, Ohio)? Two Children, Laverne and Wanda....Edith passed away in 1959 (age 76) and Floyd passed away in 1958 (age 77).

Floyd used to work for "The Superior Body Company" who's headquarters were in Lima Ohio (Lima pronounced Leema) and his manager was John Shields....

Sorry never heard of them....

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Sunday 03/01/2020 5:28 PM EST

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to j-o-h-n

Yup, Edith Cisco. Nice research, j-o-h-n! Stuff there i didn't know. She had a restaurant out on Laker Road almost in Huron. Evidently she made a good canned spaghetti sauce. She'd enjoyed some success with her own place but then the wheels came off. She took her demotion in life -- to be my stepdad's #1 cook -- as part of the deal of getting older. I was 11 years old but she taught me how to wash dishes, truck greasy garbage cans out, and put a sprig of parsley on every outgoing dish.

j-o-h-n
j-o-h-n
in reply to Cisco99

She was a blessing in disguise..... (Those were the days)

BTW I made a mistake it's pronounced "LIEMA" Ohio not "LEEMA. My hair got in my eyes again.....

Too bad you didn't save a can(s) of her sauce....

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Sunday 03/01/2020 6:47 PM EST

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to Cisco99

Cisco kid is a friend of mine!✌️😎

May God bless you on your journey.

You have touched many people .......

Hi Cisco99, you have the courage that not many of us have. You confront what is coming in the way that speaks volume of who you are. No apology is needed for what you had written. Will keep you in my prayers. God be with you.

I enjoy your posts. Thank you for sharing them. They mean a lot to me especially at this time. You are in my thoughts. Praying for a peaceful journey for you.

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to ann1919

Thanks so much Ann

Thank you Cisco99 for all your wonderful posts, especially the poetry. Holding you close in my heart. Wishing you peace and love. Hope you're feeling all the love from your brothers and sisters here.

Namaste,

Emily

Sweet dreams of Blue Skies and your own horse like the Cisco Kid's Diablo to ride off into the sunset one of these days, Cisco99. "Pancho" and all of us are proud of you.

Charles

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to ctarleton

ctarleton and Kimmilemo ... fresh horses and off we go!

There is no death , just another world Cisco99... God bless you and peace be with you. 🙏

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Kimmilemo

I'm worried the other world is like this one.

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to Cisco99

No way Jose! No suffering no pain .

Cisco,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're on this part of the path now. I didn't always get to read all of your poetry, but what I did was very thoughtful and enjoyable. Thank you for sharing that with us! Sending prayers and a big bundle of whatever type of positive energy you need.

-Sunlight

You're the best, Sunlight! I get energy from my higher power ... Ritalin.

Dear Cisco, your thoughts/poetry made it downunder and were savoured, digested and appreciated. Thanks. May your next spiritual journey bring you closer to your loved ones.

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to immunity1

Hello down there immunity1. I don't how you folks get from day to day. As for the future, sofa so good. Thanks for the kind words.

Just strolling by your page to say hello and check on you...Peace!

I continue to enjoy your posts. Your stoicism is commendable. It reminds me very much of my brother who succumbed on the 22nd January after his MO team rejected him having access to an 8 day course of Veyonda, that I had arranged for him on compassionate grounds.

I note that the FDA have just approved a Phase 1 trial of Veyonda in the USA. Compassionately available to you? I have seen it turn around at least one late Stage 4 PCa patient with partial paralysis to the point of normal life.

I don't know, man. I'm in hospice and he rule is, I can get "treatment" for pain, but nothing to try to cure me or fight the disease. I admire your fighting for your brother. My brothers have not spoken to me since I came down with this thing. I love em but they are so afraid, they don't even know their feelings.

Reminds me of my oncologist -- for three years i was his special project. Haven't heard from him since I got cut off. No hard feelings -- I am still learning how things work.

My world is simpler, especially with shelter in place. I just read the news and watch the TV. There's a lot of good stuff on!

I'll have my NP spouse look up Veyonda. I'm too dumb to research it.

Thanks, brother.

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to Cisco99

I’m happy to hear from you .My brother too acted weird to us after dx . He passed last July . Sheltering in place is wonderful for me . The pleasure is all mine .. I’m enjoying getting to know my wife again ... she’s off work . I’m happy . Today we got a second puppy. Zuzu . Made my day also reading your post . Cisco kid is a friend of mine. Yo Cisco! 🌎

Cisco99
Cisco99
in reply to Whimpy-p

What a great story you tell, Whimp-py, Stay safe, and peace in abundance.

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to Cisco99

I spin a yarn without writing skills.

Whimpy-p
Whimpy-p
in reply to Cisco99

Us story tellers must stick together Cisco ., good to see you posting brother . Hang in there . Insanity in the streets . Bless your family in this trial 🙏

Vaya con Dios, mi amigo.

GD

Thank you for your posts, I think they are great! Thinking positive and good thoughts of and for you! Hope you can rest comfortably.

Wishing you comfort and peace.

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