Always Fired: idk what to do

[ADHDtingz]

hi all, I’m 34 years old and female. I’ve gotten consecutively fired 4 times and laid off the time before that. So basically I’ve been let go 5x in a row and anything I haven’t been let go from, I most likely left because I was going to be let go and yes I’ve been let go from OTHER jobs as well. It’s just that this has been the most in a consecutive amount of time. Anyway, I have my degree in Accounting. I take my adderall for my adhd and I am now on anti depressants for my PMDD. Yet, because of how I look as a woman, I seem to be under a microscope. Add to that the hyperactive ADHD, & well, magnify that ten fold. The problem is that people are rude and disrespectful right to my face as of course most people are, but to my and everyone else’s surprise, I respond extremely condescending. I don’t take well to people trying to assert themselves over me and so I keep losing my job. I am feeling like a failure and I’m worried about myself. I’m already medicated. I feel that my only options are, up my meds so that I can let people walk all over me, or continue being fired by standing up for myself. As we all know, I CANT help the rapid fire that shoots out of me. I am just as surprised by it as everyone else. i am as kinf as can be but im so tired of people fkg with me! please give me advice. im petrified for my future. i woild be homeless if it wasnt for my parents. ive had over 40 jobs. different fields. idk what to do. im worried about my ability to care for myself if i cant keep a job.

[BLC89]

Hello ADHDtingz,

I am so sorry you have gone through all that. I have a few questions and some ideas that may help.

First of all, do you like accounting? Does that light you up? If not have you ever had a job that really lit you up? What do you love doing?

I am wondering if the job is a bad fit and because of that you have little to no patience with others because you aren't thrilled to be there in the first place. I am not suggesting that past encounters were less than you describe by any means.

If you love the job then it is a matter of finding a different style of work place, possibly.

I understand the feeling that creates the worry of living on your own and whether you are equipped to handle that. I haven't met you but if you can make it through college you have many tools in place for handling the non-ADHD world in which we all live.

You are looking for support which is no easy task so kudos to you for putting your story out there. I believe with the right type of support you can be very successful at a job that you really like. Will there be ups and downs? Yes. Will it be challenging at times? Yes. Can you handle the challenges and ups and downs? Yes, yes you can. We just need to find the right fit so you really allow your strengths to shine and challenges to be supported.

It could be things as simple as planning breaks where you get to really move your body and get some energy out. Or finding an ADHD friendly work environment - not easy I realize but they are out there.

Some suggestions while you are between jobs: if you don't already have one, find an exercise you like and incorporate that into your routine. Even being a weekend warrior can work well. Secondly, I would suggest finding a type of meditation you like, maybe yoga where you get to move while meditating. Meditation can help calm the inner voice and rapid fire responses that come flying out. There are many types of meditation so try different styles and find one you like. I think it could really help create an inner calm that would translate to a bit more outer calm and more of a sense of control over your actions.

Lastly, I would also suggest finding a therapist or coach as support. If you were undiagnosed during your school years there is likely some limiting beliefs that may be hindering your progress. CHADD and ADDitudemag.com both have directories of coaches and pyschologytoday.com is a directory of mental health professionals that you can narrow down by style (I suggest Cognitive Behavioral Therapy CBT) or area of expertise such as ADHD.

I hope that gives you some ideas of options or things to experiment with. Hang in there. I promise you are not broken you just haven't found the right fit yet and that's ok. You are tenacious and will find it.

BLC89

Full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent and Adult coach and have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years. I have raised two kids with ADHD and am CCSP certified.

[Romanders]

Hello,There is a you tube channel called how to ADHD you should check it out if you havent already. I am fortytwo and have had over 50 jobs and did end up homeless after my mom passed away and my step dad had to sell tje house i grew up in. I wasnt diagnosed with ADHD until i was probably your age and even though i knew i had it i struggled to get diagnosed and treated once i was diagnosed! Now im on my second year at Portland Community College about to earn my associates degree in general studies and am continuing my education towards my family and human services certification. There is hope I promise! I also had trouble controlling my thoughts and actions i am very impulsive, disorganized at least in my home life (but improving). I have lost jobs that i loved due to attendance and timekeeping issues as well as my inability to be treated less than equal. I am glad your parents let you stay with them because even with two adults we struggle to stay housed with our two children and its stressful and scary! CBT cognitive behavioral therapy is a great way to address adhd issues as well as depression. I recomend getting a talk therapist as well as a mental health provider for meds. I am also on anti depressents and adderal. It takes some self reflection and work but its worth it and i work at Amazon now for like 3 years because i was able to advocate for myself and get accomadations for my attendance which is litteraly why im still there. Anyway i hope that helps to know you are definitely not alone, far from it! You can do this one day at a time!

[beejenigma]

I ended up working for myself! I hate to say it but I am excellent at precision detailed house cleaning now! I have a degree in wellness aka pre-med and one year in the Masters of Library and Info Sci but cannot be around others. I have really bad RSD and I don't take crap from anyone, just like you! I also do high level pet sitting/house sitting/security combo. I got on Care.com and got people to give me reviews after using me and it is now a great thing! I have 5 stars! You can learn about pet sitting and get certified for Pet First Aid and CPR on petsit.com and petsitters.org.

[Watermelon5]

Not specifically for ADHD, but here are some really good and inspiring episodes of the "Ten Percent Happier" podcast on meditation and remaining calm under stress. They are free and you could start listening right away.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the forum ADHDtingz .

Emotional dysregulation is common with ADHD. It can combine with impulsivity (which about 75% of ADHDers have) to cause reactive behaviors. (I'm in the 25% without impulsivity.) Anxiety &/or depression are also common for people with ADHD, and so is rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). Many of us ADHDers are also described as having a "strong sense of justice."

• A great many of us are also our own worst critic.

My own tendency is to internalize all the bad things, and find it hard to accept a compliment. It has taken me 30+ years of work to be able to thank someone for a compliment and not put myself down in the same breath.

At the same time, I do my best to compliment and encourage other people. I've been a trainer in some jobs, and I've gotten the most work satisfaction in those roles. I know the value of giving encouragement and positive reinforcement. I've seen young workers who were unsure of themselves start to shine, and have seen them grow in their careers. I've seen others who were rough around the edges and a bit abrasive, and taught them how to moderate their approach with the customers we served, so that they also began to excel in their people skills as much as they did in their professional skills.

• As well as I've done with them, I still find myself being harsh and critical with myself.

When faced with criticism or someone who is acting like a bully towards me, I'll withdraw. But when the negativity is directed towards someone else, I feel a strong urge to intervene.

Only once did I become unruly at work, after several months of mistreatment. That led to be being reprimanded so harshly that in felt I was under constant threat of being fired...and I continued in the intensely anxious state for another 2½ years until I finally got a better job. Continuing in that state felt worse than being let go. I was let go from the better job I'd gotten as a replacement, and that was like a punch in the gut.

I'm now in another job that is driving up my anxiety. I realize that this job is a bad fit for me. I dread going to work almost every day. So, I'm actively looking for another one.

There are certain factors that can make a certain job a very bad fit for a person, including:

• Working environment or conditions

• Work culture (especially the dynamic with the boss)

• Pay, benefits, rewards

It's said that people don't leave jobs, they leave toxic bosses (or toxic cultures). Often enough, when I've seen someone let go from a job, they were better off for it from the standpoint that the job or the boss was actually toxic for them... That doesn't mean they weren't harmed, because being let go only hurts their emotional and financial stability, sometimes their career progress and even their reputation. That's all happened to me.

.....

As others have mentioned, counseling can help, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Journaling can help, and getting into an exercise routine.

As for medication, I've learned from presentations by ADHD expert Dr. William Dodson that sometimes adding Guanfacine or Clonidine (both non-stimulant alpha 2A agonists) can help to improve emotional dysregulation. They can often be taken with other ADHD meds.

One more thing that I've learned, and journaling or therapy can help with this, is to learn to recognize what usually triggers you, and come up with a different response. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is a form of CBT which was developed from an idea like that. If you mentally rehearse how you want to respond, instead of how you've responded before, then you're more likely to respond in the way you've practiced.

[STEM_Dad in reply to STEM_Dad]

BTW - due to my performance issues in my current job, I'm worried about how long before they would let me go. I've been there over a year, and I've struggled that whole time.

I do get lots of work done, but I haven't documented it all...maybe 10-20% of the work I've done. The stressful situations that keep coming up cause my anxiety to rise, which makes it more of a struggle to get things done.

• I've noticed that anxiety causes my ADHD symptoms to magnify.

I'm 45, and I've been through about 20 jobs in my life. Compared to other ADHDers, that's not so bad. I've also left most of them on my own, and that's also preferable. But, is hard any way to go about it.

In 2022, I was out of full time work for almost 6 months after I moved to be together with my kids again (since their mom moved across the country after the divorce). I tried to find remote work and freelance work, before taking a part-time job at Walmart.

Then, I finally got my current job, but I had no idea how bad of a mess I was walking into, or I would have been looking for something else sooner.

So, take care of your mental health. And know you're worth! You are definitely deserving of being treated well in whatever job you get.

[ADHDtingz in reply to STEM_Dad]

You are too! Thanks