Help with time blindness work accomodations

[RareDragon]

My employer is upset that I can't drive to work on time. I've got time blindness adhd and major depression disorder. I also suffer from ptsd on occation. I struggle alot to just go to work at all or even get out of bed. My employer doesent understand this and is trying to penalize me because of my disabilities. Saying he will only schedule me closing shifts. I can't work like this it's unreasonable. I'm an artist and and independent contractor. I know I c are not required to be there on a specific time but my employer is trying to say I have to. The only reason I'm still at this job is cause I like it. I hardly make enough there to warrant mistreatment. He's asking me for a solution. It rude and hurtful. I don't know what to do. His business is kinda shady anyway. Should I leave? I have lived with time issues my whole life I've never been able to fix them. And yes of course I have tried setting timers. It doesent help.

[Quincie]

Some loving advice from someone who is older than you & has similar struggles:

Being chronically late really screws with your relationships. It causes resentment with friends & family. It causes you major stress when you run late for something you actually want to be on time for & it leaves you feeling defeated, frustrated & a failure. It causes problems with staying employed as you are finding out.

As an independent contractor there's still an expectation you will be there during certain times. It's the expectation of reliability - of being there & not having someone else have to answer the question or do the task you were hired to do. I don't know what your job is & maybe you'll end up leaving but take this advice for any future job. You will not be promoted or entrusted with more responsibility etc if you can't show evidence of reliability. If you can manage to work solely for yourself then this won't apply - but working for yourself still includes meeting clients & establishing a professional manner is very important.

Any improved habit you can train in yourself now while still young is going to bless you long term. I am in my 50s & I struggle all the time with this. Whatever you can change while young - make the effort to do this.

I have analyzed my behavior & noticed my 3 flaws are failure to prep ahead , letting myself be distracted in the morning so the "time blindness" thing happens & failing to account for how much time things actually take. Eg just this past weekend I failed to attend a funeral for a friend's father due to my failure to allow for heavy traffic on a Saturday close to Christmas. This is a personal frustration & I can't excuse it by saying I suffer from x, y, z disorders. That doesn't solve anything & just leaves me defeated. I also can't say "well, lesson learned, next time I'll leave earlier" - the chance to pay respects has gone & funeral attendance is very occasional for me. I can't rely on future funerals as an opportunity to practice leaving earlier.

The only activity where I can actually get consistent practice to train new habits is going to work because that's a set 5 days a week occurrence. I routinely turn up late because my mgr knows I get the work done & cover my hours but it's not a godsend - it's annoying & works against me. I end up so many times working through lunch or just staying back so late I get home late exhausted & nothing gets done at home & I have no energy to go out to planned events in the evening. My life would be better were I able to be consistently on time & keep regular work hours.

So I will now address the 3 main traits & maybe you will recognize your own behavior in them.

1. Failure to prep ahead. At some point in the evening you have to put aside the relaxing, fun thing taking your focus & prep for the next day. Just sort out your lunchbag the night before, the clothes you will wear & anything else you need to have with you for the next day. Tied to this is your bedtime. You know you need x hrs of sleep to be a functioning person the next day. STOP FIGHTING YOUR BEDTIME. Staying up looking at your phone etc etc is sabotaging yourself. Changing this behavior means a few new habits. Make the effort & keep going at it. Give yourself a pat on the back when your mornings are smoother because of what you did the night before.

2. Letting yourself be distracted in the morning. PUT YOUR PHONE IN A DIFFERENT ROOM. I can guarantee that if I leave my phone by my bed then it will be the 1st thing I pick up when the alarm goes off. Buy an alarm clock - don't rely on your phone solely for the alarm. Also waking up & being motivated to get out of bed is a whole lot easier if you had enough sleep. See #1.

3. Calculating time it takes to get anywhere. This is hard for me. Whatever you think the drive to work takes, factor in an extra 10-15 mins. Any coffee/pottering around/checking phone time is a REWARD - not default behavior on a work morning. Get ready first - then reward yourself with the coffee & checking phone time.

Atomic Habits by James Clear is useful to creating habits. I suggest listening to the audio version more than once. Not everything will resonate - everyone is unique - but everyone will get something from it.

The desire to change has to come from within - you recognize the advantages it will bring to your life - a net positive good. Being browbeaten about it by an external force will not be as powerful a motivator. I have come to believe it's the daily accumulation of tiny steps that brings about change. Tiny changes are possible even for those facing depression. Just make them very tiny to accommodate your low energy/motivation level.

I wish you the very best & hope you can follow through on some of what I suggest - as it will make your life run more smoothly, & you will lose that defeated excuse-making tone which comes through in your post as it no longer serves you. Yes you have some struggles but these will not always be permanent & making the effort is an important part of healing. Remember effort, no matter how small if it's consistent is always rewarded.

[RareDragon in reply to Quincie]

Sadly, Quincy this isnt what I was looking for. I'm 33 years old I'm an artist at a kiosk at the mall. Not the best gig. I dont really need it. I just like to make the people happy with my art. Art is my profession and I love it. I would do it at home if I had the support. My question was how to address my employer about my disorders. That I am unable to fix them. I have tried fixing them for many years. These disorders are just apart of me. How my brain fuctions. And he as an employer is unable to understand. Do i need to address the ada? Or should i just leave and find a new job that can accomidate me? .

[CMax3001]

It depends. If the job requires deadlines being met, then that is a job requirement. If it can't be met its a mismatched job.

However, if you are say arriving 15-30 mins because of brain fog in the morning, and offer to make it up at end of day or at lunch (providing business hours are open) an employer might fairly accomodate.

It needs to work both ways that kind of accomodation. Be something they can practically apply and keep the business running. Worth speaking to an occupational therapist to work with your employer to find the appropriate accomodating terms you can both agree on.