My father’s praise of my grades

Hey all, first of all, I should say I’m not criticizing my father, but lately I’ve noticed that whenever he praises me for getting really good grades, I feel really uncomfortable. I feel this way because all I can remember about doing well is the constant fear and anxiety and thought that I’d fall behind or that I didn’t know what I was doing or that people would find out I didn’t know what I was doing. I did the work, but I’d often beaten myself up, or have been real uncertain. I don’t beat myself up as much now, but still. My grades in college for this quarter are fantastic. For English class my GPA is 4.0 and my grade percentage is 98.4% and for math my GPA is 3.4 and my grade percentage is 89.25%. But my grades suggest I’m some genius. I don’t always feel that way in the moment. I wonder if this is because I’ve got ADHD, I’ve read articles where girls with ADHD rush and do work because they’re afraid and perfectionist and on paper, it looks like we’re doing great. But I can’t stop remembering the uneasiness and unbearable fear. My father tells me “I want you to believe in yourself.” And if I’m a bit cavalier about my grades he keeps praising me. It’s not that I’m not proud, I’m just thinking of what it was like to get those grades. I can’t get this out of my head. I know my dad means well, but even so, it’s hard. I’d tell him, but then he’d correct my thinking. I don’t know. What are some ways I can deal with this? My dad just asked me what my current grades were and I don’t really want to tell him because of the reasons listed above.

[RCJH8610]

I can completely relate except my father was VERY strict about grades. Bringing home anything less than an A+ would be considered failure to him. So I lived in a constant state of anxiety and striving to be perfect. I graduated high school at the top 7% of my class. I finished college in 2 years with a 3.89 GPA and attained a Masters degree shortly after with a 4.0 GPA. I am by no means a genius... I had to work REALLY hard and most of the time I was stressed. I actually don’t know how to function without stress. 😔

[Hidden in reply to RCJH8610]

I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m thankful my dad never did that to me, but my grandpa did that to my dad. If my dad got all A’s and just one B, he’d focus on the B. Instead of all the A’s. To me, a B is fantastic!!!

[RCJH8610 in reply to Hidden]

I am team B with my children now, but I do ask them a lot about their grades. I guess it is a generational cycle. My father had good intentions and I am sure yours does too... but I totally understand the negative feelings behind discussing grades. 😥

[Hidden in reply to RCJH8610]

Thanks. That means a lot