Advice

What do I do if I want to get help, but there’s still some embarrassment

[IgnoranceWasNotBliss]

STOP SELF SABOTAGING! If you have ADHD like you think, your brain constantly holds you back. We constantly find ourselves doubting ourselves. Disappointed in ourselves. Talking ourselves out of things. Our self esteem has taken quiet a few hits through our lives and it has us constantly second guessing things.

You’re being held back by your mind. It is a jail! Once you’re diagnosed and take your first medications, you’ll feel the chains lift. Chains you had no idea weren’t supposed to be there. It’s literally a whole new world!

Go get it girl.

[Hidden]

Thanks for the pep talk. 😂

[Birdwatcher19]

It can be difficult for ADHDers to ask for help. It taps into feelings of insecurity and worrying that we’ll be exposed as a fraud. But learning to ask for help when needed is essential. We’re not built to do it all alone, even though we may feel like we need to. One thing that has helped me to feel more comfortable asking for help has been to imagine how I would respond if friends asked me for help. Would I think they were dumb and incompetent (things I would so easily say to myself)? Certainly not. Also, it feels good to help others, so let them do that for you and know that you’ll return the favor at some point. (And if it’s a professor or an employer, it’s part of their job to help you!) You can also ask yourself what’s the worst thing that could happen if I ask for help, and how would I deal with that? Then consider the most likely scenario. The more I’ve learned to ask for help, the more I’ve learned that other people are often struggling with the same things I am. A recent example: I was beyond confused about a new work procedure. Years ago, I would have been too embarrassed to ask for help and spent countless hours trying to figure it out on my own, or worse, avoiding it altogether. Instead, I sent an email to a few of my colleagues and told them plainly that I was lost, and asked if anyone could help. Turned out everyone was in the same boat. I got enough help to at least get me started, and we ended up asking our manager for more training for the whole team. Anyway, I don’t know if any of that helps, but a lot of it comes down to just screwing up your courage and asking, and then building on those experiences. The more you practice, the easier it will become. Good luck and be well!

[Hidden in reply to Birdwatcher19]

It did help. Thank you. The screwing up your courage help will take practice, but I can learn.

[Voidfish]

You gotta bite the bullet and just go for it. I made the mistake of waiting until I was angry with myself rather than embarrassed to get help, and at that point life had reached critical mass.

Something I like to keep in mind when worrying about embarrassment is this;

You can think back on every embarrassing thing you've done and relive the horror right? But try to remember someone else doing something embarrassing, can you? Do you care? Probably not right? It's likely that no one remembers any embarrassing thing you've done, so why worry when you can live your life to the fullest and without the hindrance of unnecessary negative self perception.

I hope that makes sense and that I could help in some small way. Even though we don't know each other my inbox is always open if you need to rant, vent, or you just need some reassurance.

You got this!

[Shnookie]

Hi I’m Shnookie. I’m 62. Since 2019My ADHD had become worse. I could still work but went on disability. By the time the lockdown in U.S. occurred I needed to go on food stamps and look for rent relief. I was the one always doing volunteer work.

U know what in order to keep myself financially afloat, I applied for food stamps. I swallowed my pride and adjusted to my new reality. When I was that my ADHD was getting in the way, I contacted CHADD and asked 4 help. I had nothing to be ashamed of. I need support and structure to help me get thru this. I also asked my social workers to tell me if I was going off on a tangent to get me back on track. I’m so proud of U that U want to seek help. Trust me there’s no shame and U always have this group to support and back U up. I’ll always be here

4 U. U can PM as well. Hugs 🤗 M

[Hidden in reply to Shnookie]

Thank you for your support. That’s real touching. What does “U can PM as well.” mean?