Change

[Liftjunkie]

Hi everyone,

First time posting here but im in dire need of some help dealing with change. Ive been in schooling my whole life and have recently graduated university with my bachelors( never thought id be able to say that). But being in the transition to the real world has been a change that has destroyed me emotionally and morally. Without the idea that im finished with the year at a set date or knowing that i have a new start coming i feel buried. My will to work is gone even being in nearly the exact job i wanted. I feel like a failure at work when my less than qualified assosiates out pace me and are better and that just ruins my self image even more. It feels like the world is against me and im just stuck in a rut. I accomplished my biggest goal in life by graduating college but i feel so useless and lost now. With nowhere to turn ive started looking at extreme measures like moving across the country or just quitting my job for no reason. Does anyone have any input on some ways to cope with this change. I just cant get past it and every person just attributes it to laziness and wanting to be a "college kid" still. I've been diagnoses with adhd since i was 6-7 years old but i dont take pills due to them making me a zombie. I prefer to not take them but if its my only hope i would be open.

I appriciate everyone of you and really hope i can hear any sort of suggestions on this.

[happyhermit]

Can you be more specific / descriptive of the kind of challenges you're having at work? I totally get the emotional crushed feeling, I'm thinking that what helps for me is to break down what I have to do and make some actual, concrete progress -- tiny progress is OK. What kind of job is it, what are you supposed to do, what are you failing at?

A real ADHD coach would probably be awesome for you, to help you figure out how to do your new life. You CAN do it, but you just might need an outside brain to help you figure out how to set it up, how to structure it.

[bunnybrain888]

I agree with happyhermit. Some more explanation about your experience of your job and work life may lead to the advice you need...

But for a bit of general guidance... from your post, it sounds like you were working towards a couple of things (the uni degree and this job you thought you wanted). You've accomplished and completed one, well done. But the job isn't what you thought, or it isn't what you want/need now. You def shouldn't feel defeated. You've finished uni! That's great! If you haven't done so, frame your degree and hang it on a wall you look at a LOT, as a reminder. It's relevant. It could be the pat on the back you may need on challenging days.

About the job... do you meditate? If not, meditation is great for ADHD/ADD brains. Give it a try. There are a couple of good apps that could help. I've got some years behind me and I've "accomplished" myself into a position/situation or two that wasn't what I thought it would be also [or it was but I'd changed from when I started on the path toward the target]. Sometimes I dealt with the situation impulsively, and sometimes not. What I can say from those experiences is that impulsivity and reactivity didn't serve me best. Sometimes life gives a person what they thought they wanted and, if it doesn't prove to be what they thought or what they needed, then I've found it's best to take a beat, without judgement or internal self ridicule, and reassess. That reassessment will likely lead to their next great thing/joy/purpose or to a path to their next great thing/joy/purpose.

So, pause, breathe, and try to learn from your current experiences and/or situation, then given what you now know about yourself, make a plan to shift to your next adventure. If you got a uni degree, you got this.

And now for the cheese - in the big scheme of life, there is no the ultimate target, no brass ring. Which is good, bc once people get what they want, they want something else. So, take the time now to celebrate your accomplishments, then be still/calm enough to plot your next journey to your next [interim] target. But that target won't be the end-all either, bc there isn't one. And you'll need to plot again in the future, likely many, many times. Cheese? Yes..."Life's a journey, not a destination". And trust me, it's so much more of an enjoyable journey when you aren't kicking yourself, so be kind to you. For that is one of 2 things with which you are stuck - you. The second thing is change. No matter who you are, where you are, what your experiences have been, the only 2 constants throughout your journey of life are yourself and change. Best of luck!! And try to enjoy all of it, even the hard stuff!

[GatsbyCat]

Hello, Liftjunkie~

Welcome to the group.

In your post you mentioned that pills make you feel like a zombie. Whatever medication you were taking obviously wasn't doing you any good. Have you tried a different medication?

My own doctor started me off at just 15mg of FocalinRx which is an extended release perscription. I have had it upped twice now and am much happier with it. Medication is the number one help for us ADHD'ers.

BTW, graduating from college is a BIG DEAL. Do go and get that diploma framed and hung somewhere you see it everyday.

You did not say what your new job is, but you do say your colleagues are passing you up. If this is your first "real job", not just a part time gig, you are also learning not only your job, but how to do real work. So, lots going on. Give yourself a break on this; you've got a lot going on right now.

Do not despair. Things will improve. You can make this change.

Here's what I did when I got my first "real" job.

1. Get a mentor- if they have them at your company, this can totally help you out.

2. Use a calendar, and to do lists- either paper/ post it's or online apps.. whatever works and ACTUALLY USE THEM. Do not just look at them.

3. Break down what you have to do that day into a ToDo List for the Day

4. For projects, break out the steps, and portions into manageable portions each day so that you can easily make the deadlines.

5. Go through these every day, and cross off the stuff you got done. At the end of every day, write up a new list for the next day. It's ready for you now tomorrow.

Before you go to work, exercize and workout. Give yourself enough time to get this done. The neurotransmitters in your brain will give you those "feel good" endorphins, thus helping you to be in a good mood before the day.

Practice meditation and mindfullness to help yourself stay calm in stressful situations. There's a great YouTube channel that has guided meditations called "The mindful movement" and they've got many different types of meditations for us.

A good book that I've been using is called:

Taking Charge of Adult ADHD 1st Edition

by Russell A. Barkley (Author)

It's very worthwhile and helps you objectively look at your own issues. Plus it provides solutions that are practical.

Whew.... typing on and on... But I am interested in helping you out. You're in a transition from college to professional life. It's not laziness at all! You just need some help in direction and how to manage this new life.

YOU ARE an INSPIRATION!! And, if you can go to college, graduate and get your dream job, then you are capable of much more! Best wishes on this awesome journey of life.

Regards~

GatsbyCat

💀👾

[2000sunflowers]

I definitely have been feeling stuck in a rut as well. I am starting therapy soon, and hopefully that will help my emotional/mental state, which has not been good lately. It’s easy to forget all of your accomplishments, especially when you feel overwhelmed or depleted in the moment. So just remember that you already achieved your biggest goal, and that’s awesome!!! That in itself proves you are not a failure, and you have so much time to improve your work life. As for medication, I see where your coming from about feeling like a zombie. When I was on Concerta I felt the same way, but I ended up switching to a lower dose and that definitely helped snap me out of it. I’ve switched to adderall now, and honestly it makes me think that I was a zombie off-meds, and that now I am fully awake. More specifically, off-meds it would always be so hard for me to engage in conversation and everything felt like a HUGE struggle and I dreaded doing everything. On meds, I talk to people more than I ever have before, and I actually feel quick-witted instead of slow and out of the loop like usual. I know meds help a LOT of people, but it’s definitely not for everyone. Sometimes it takes a couple different tries to find the medication that works for you, so definitely consider it as an option if need be.