Building My Community!!!

[ADHDGuiltFree123]

I am intersted in viewing the thoughts of others who have built their community (e.g. social, spiritual, emotional, professional, and physical). I have spent a lot of time feeling guilty with myself because I was unable to sustain friendships, relationships and even jobs. After I understood my diagnosis and sought a treatment plan (medication and therapy), I know myself better to evaluate my needs. Therefore, how does one start building a community from the ground up? Thoughts..

[Hidden]

Hi,

Great question. Totally get the guilt trip of not being able to sustain relationships, jobs, friends etc. I’m good at getting them but awful at sustaining. I don’t feel particularly guilty anymore. I was just puzzled. And eventually isolated. Here’s my advice:

1. Friends will always prefer to eat pizza and watch game of thrones with their respective companion whether a boyfriend, girlfriend or pet dog, cat or spider. I have to go the extra mile and be the ‘organiser’ and ‘ cheer leader’ for hanging out. Hard because this goes against my instinct to be chaotic and unorganised.

2. Say yes more. My first thought is always my own plan. I had to learn to accept every invitation and then leave if it was terrible.

3. ‘Crowbar’ your way into stuff that could be fun. E.g. I hear an acquaintance or friend is planning on an activity and say ‘ I’m coming too’.

4. Jobs. I’ve accepted that the 30 year stable job and gold watch on retirement days are over. And it wouldn’t work for me anyway. New job, new chance to remain interested.

5. Relationships no idea. Good luck.

6. All things considered I just have to work harder at it all. In an incredibly uncomplicated way. If something is boring and causing me misery then why sustain it?

Community is really important. But keep it simple. Find what you like, engage, be nice and when you feel like chucking it in wait a little bit longer than most people.

Thanks I’ll follow this with interest.

[ADHDGuiltFree123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your insightful comments. I will take your advice and move forward!!! You’re right as well... “community is very important and it’s up to me to develop the right one.”

Thanks again!

[Nick1913]

Greetings 123,

My own community,

I have to be honest I never thought of it that way. Friendships require maintenance something I am not very good at. So I put in my calendar call friends time, I but it in for every 3 days an hour just to call and catch-up on things, or these days texting.... I also am trying to separate the sincere friends for the insincere I use how they make me feel as a guide. I found sometimes the truth hurts and makes me feel bad, but the person is just telling me what they think is best for me.... as long as it’s from the heart I don’t let it affect me. You’ll know when it’s not. Well it’s new to me, but seems to be working.

Good Luck on your quest