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Adult ADHD Support
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anyone having experience dating other adhd people?

I recently started seeing someone who was probably the sort of child people associate with adhd - the highly active boy who is literally bouncing off the walls. I see a lot of potential with us but after only a very short time I have already become overwhelmed several times, I feel like I am being bulldozed.

I only recently learned about the emotional disregulation part of adhd and it explains so much about my life. In this case I am having such intense emotions all over the map, have gotten so angry already, and it's being triggered or exacerbated by his adhd personality symptoms; he is really excited so he is hyperfocusing on me but also cannot control his impulses to send me a million texts, and he is not being a good listener.

I'm torn between thinking it's all too many red flags, and thinking I understand where a lot of it is coming from, and maybe we can figure out a balance as we get to know each other better and become less anxious about this new scary thing. Part of me wants to run and hide, and part of me wants to dig into this and make it awesome.

anyone have experience dating other adhd-ers and dealing with the challenges it presents for both parties?

thanks for reading! <3

4 Replies

I think you might just have a better shot at “getting each other”, than many of us ever get. (I've been through the hell of having partners misattribute my symptoms to attitudes I never held, etc.)

Make sure, when you tell him he's overwhelming you (because he really *needs* to know) that you understand where he's coming from (and aren't making the typical assumptions others have applied to him, most of his life): you may find him exceptionally willing to go the extra mile to give you what you need.

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We have been married for 42 years. But I must tell you that my wife has been long-suffering with my untreated ADHD symptoms—particularly my inability to really listen to her, my excessive talking, my tendency to such focus on one thing (necessarily—otherwise I’d get nothing done) that I shut her out. WITHOUT medication for identified ADHD folks like us, particularly men, can be overbearing. Bring up the subject with him. Explore his reactions and his awareness. Is he taking medication?

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After I made this post I found out he has never been diagnosed, which was a surprise to me. He seems open to learning about it, and now that I know he is completely untreated in any way, meds or otherwise (assuming my assessment is correct) I feel optimistic that learning about it may help ease the tension it causes a bit. I'll report back!


Hi, my name is Wendy, and I have a male friend who is ADHD and he doesn’t take medication, well he self medicates. I too hav adhd and can be a bit much for people. So this guy we are just friends and I thought what if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He and I do have such a great time together. But he can be so exhausting for me at times and I don’t know if I can handle a boy version of me right know. Love him, he has such a good heart but, also, I don’t know if I’m ready for a serious relationship.

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