Caught on the roller coaster

[Uptowngirl12121]

Hi community:

Does anyone have any holistic-type tips for getting your child off the ADHD emotional rollercoaster? My 10-year old with ADHD is doing very well but we are still struggling to get past the occasional emotional dysregulation. The moments happen infrequently every few months or so and always at school. A slight directive from a teacher will set off a lengthy back and forth argument, that turns into full blown dysregulation, often ending in tears.

He's on the honor roll, plays a musical instrument, and has a growing list of accomplishments. The school knows his diagnosis but because of the invisible nature of ADHD everyone is always caught off guard. Also especially since, as I said, he goes for months with no outward expressions of this type. He does have a behavioral support para who steps in but we are all sad because he does so well and then loses out on fun privileges because of the random over-reaction. I am trying to look for patterns and clues but I can't quite get my arms around it fully.

We have a supportive home environment and he has plenty of extra-curricular activities now. If anybody has been in this position I sure would love to know what has helped.

[Aspen797]

As you mentioned, given that the behavior occurs only at school and only infrequently, it sounds less like a general irritability / over-responsive issue and more like a situational one? It’s tricky for you, because you can’t see the exchanges to know what’s driving it. You have to rely on your child’s account and the teachers, both of which may be missing some insight that could be helpful. When our son was younger we found that he was anxious with ‘trust me’ or ‘because I said so’ responses to his questions about school work. He wanted to understand and do well and didn’t feel secure in being put off. Those issues arose infrequently and only with a teacher who was rather controlling and not accepting of questions (and neurodiversity). A great book you may want to check out is The Behavior Code. The author outlines a process for figuring out the underlying causes of ‘dysregulation’ or ‘bad’ behavior and how to teach skills to address them rather than just “manage” (ie punish, remove, etc) students without solving the problem or teaching skills. You can find her book here on Amazon but many free resources by her online too if you look up Jessica Minahan and Behavior Code- The Behavior Code: A Practical Guide to Understanding and Teaching the Most Challenging Students a.co/d/51hNHWg

[Uptowngirl12121 in reply to Aspen797]

I think you've exactly hit my problem. I am having difficulty sorting out the context because I am not in the room. I think he absolutely is anxious about some aspect of the classroom exchange but at home when I inquire he does not have the vocabulary to fully explain it to me. Thanks I will look for that book.

[Mamamichl]

thanks for sharing! Kid is not able to help you pinpoint the trigger yet? Maybe role play ing could help. Do similar situations to the ones they are describing

[Uptowngirl12121 in reply to Mamamichl]

Great idea. I have not yet had a full post-event debrief yet where we can process together. I am just letting things calm down a bit before we go there. The last incident is very recent.

[Mamamichl in reply to Uptowngirl12121]

I wouldn’t wait more than a day or so, otherwise details can be forgotten. Wait until they are decompressed enough to think and not be retriggered, but not so much that they forget details. Take it from a problem solving idea. Instead of speaking about the specific event, state you are noticing a trend and want to help them practice social skills and find out what escalates him, and brainstorm ideas how to teach yourself to calm down or what he would like you to do. Some kids need the bear hug when escalated but others need space.

[Uptowngirl12121]

YES!!! We are in that window. Thanks greatly!