behavior training

[Bunny5689]

I am reading Russell Barkley‘s taking charge of ADHD book. I have three boys ages 14,12, and 10 who have diagnosed ADHD. I would like to start implementing the strategies for the behavior management plan for the younger two. Has anyone had success with this? I feel like we do a lot of the things in it already, but I think following the plan more specifically might help our family culture. We don’t do a token system, which I kind of feel like would be a lot of work. One of the main issues we have is repeatedly, asking the kids to do things and them not listening. Has anyone done parent training or behavior management stuff for ADHD and if so, has it been successful? i’m currently enrolled in a study through our university and will be joining a parent group, but I would like to implement some of these ideas until that group starts.

[Aspen797]

I have not followed the Barkley plan (but like his books), but am bumping as I’m sure someone else has! We learned positive parenting techniques (lots of positive reinforcement of specific behaviors, ignoring/walking away from arguing, using schedules, timers, visuals, etc) that were behavior based and, combined with medication, worked really well.

[BLC89]

Hello Bunny5689,

How is the study and parent group going? Is it helpful?

As far as finding a system that works it you will likely try several different options before you find one that clicks. Then in a few months you may be on the search again as the system will become less appealing.

The best thing you can do is find something that you can do consistently. Consistency is the cornerstone of kids feeling safe. When they feel safe and can learn more easily.

Also keep in mind that your system probably won't look like other systems because your situation is unique to you. Let it be ok that your system(s) are different. Do your best to not compare yourself to other parents/families or compare your kids to others their own age.

Your kids are developing at a different rate than their peers. so where they are will likely look like they are "behind" others. They are not behind, they are not broken, you are a good parent. You will be implementing supportive behavior longer than other parents of kids the same age.

Your sons' prefrontal cortex (aka Executive Function) is about 30% behind their age. So your 12 year old is closer to 81/2 as far as organization, prioritization, task initiation, time management, etc. and your 10 year old is closer to 7 years old in all those areas.

It is hard to keep in mind when you are staring at a 12 year old that their internal gatekeepers are much younger and less experienced than those of their peers.

It sounds like you are curious and looking for information which is the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids. Keep up the great work and if you have a chance it would be great to hear how the study and parent group are going.

Good luck with everything,

BLC89

Full disclosure I am an ADHD Parent and Adult coach and have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years. I have also raised two kids with ADDH.

[Bunny5689 in reply to BLC89]

I really appreciate your kind comment and it made so much sense. I have not started the study group and still need to message the coordinator to see if they have enough people to do it. I will try to pop back on to update if I remember. Thank you.