My 9 yo daughter has ADD. I've been able to help her with management tools since she was little because I've dealt with ADD myself my whole life. (As well as being a trained early childhood educator for kids with special needs.) Over the past year she's definitely been developing into pre-puberty - obvious body changes, etc. Unfortunately, she also has some emotional trauma from her early childhood. Her Dad isn't part of our lives anymore for REASONS. Recently her anxiety has been shooting off the charts, even preventing her from participating at school. I've been trying to figure out if it's related to a specific trigger (doesn't seem like it), or if it could be related to hormone changes affecting her ADD.
Thoughts?
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Yes, about that age, a lot of change can happen, and it can be very confusing for both parent and child.
I have four kids (girl, 30; boy, 21; boy, 11; girl, almost 9). Each of them have been very different. Each of them has ADHD traits, but none of them has been diagnosed yet, just me. Their mom insists that none of them have adhd, but she also thought that I didn't, and it turns out that I do.
Anxiety is common both with ADHD and with the changes that come with being a preadolescent.
Be your daughters safe space, be the one that she can talk to about anything, be a non-judgmental listener. She may very likely need help from a professional counselor or therapist, because a lot of people with ADHD do need that help at some point. You don't have to have all the answers. Just take life one day at a time.
There are plenty of good folks on this forum who can help, including plenty of other mothers, like you.
Thanks. We just finished a round of therapy with someone neither of us liked much. I'm very well versed with Anxiety & Depression too. I had a good chat with her guidance counselor at school toady after posting this - the consensus is that spending so much time around her father's family over Thanksgiving (not HIM though) triggered some subconscious stuff + the other factors of hormones & struggling to keep up with academics.We have lots of snuggle sessions & good talks in the car.
Welcome! my goodness… I literally could have written this too. My daughter’s hair is getting thicker and she is getting breast buds. She is 9 too. She didn’t have a lot of trauma in early years, since her dad and I are doing well, but we did found ourselves homeless four months this summer/fall because of my traumatic parents. I am thinking it’s partially the trauma, but more the hormone changes. She has whole meltdowns when trying to do homework, so we do it only on the weekends. She also hasn’t been eating or sleeping well. Mine has always been anxious, but moreso lately. I think she had a growth spurt and the world got bigger, like when night terrors happened for the first time. I do have her in counseling and it may be helping. You may want to look into that route as well, if you haven’t yet.
I have been wondering the same thing about our 9 year old girl. She’s gaining a bit of weight, but other than that and underarm body odor, I don’t see any signs of puberty. However, she is the dickens to get out of bed in the morning, irritable, more emotionally sensitive, and oh-so-defiant (whew! the back talk!!). At the same time, she is behind her peers in doing self-care tasks and most days doesn’t even get dressed independently or fall asleep by herself at night; I can’t get away from her without her having a tantrum (like a 3 year old). She’s also super-bright and intellectually gifted, such that you feel like you are talking to a 15 year old most of the time. It is such a mind-bend!
She is participating in occupational therapy, is on a stimulant med., and just now started therapy again (she/we took a 4 month break from therapy after doing a 13 month intensive in-home therapy and weekly parent education/therapy; she was physically and verbally aggressive toward me prior to the intensive therapy).
I am trying my best to stay neutral, grounded, kind and calm, while still holding her accountable for her words and actions. But, by Friday, I am completely worn out, just trying to manage getting her to school, myself to work, and then dealing every evening with all the emotional refuse she unloads…all the bad feelings she’s stuffed all day long (she really struggles socially, and hates boys, who then deliberately pick on her more; and has a hard time with girl friends due to being so controlling, rude and threatening to them). Sadly, she’s very disrespectful to her dad/my husband, who routinely descends to her level and argues and fights back, so he is not much help…rather, his contributions end up escalating the situation. I feel like a failure and like I want to give up…or at least to get away for awhile.
Thanks for listening. It is just hard, and I fear it’ll get much harder before it gets any easier.
Good luck. Let me knowing you find a good answer. A few years ago I looked up “hormone spike in 7 year old girls” and found out about a developmental stage called “andrenarchy”. It’s interesting to read. I just searched for “hormone spike in 9 year old girls” and these are interesting reads:
Thank you for sharing. It’s good to know I’m not in this boat alone, my 9yo daughter just stomped away because I asked her what she does when she gets to school early. She’s super salty and smart, but I do help her with dressing about 75% of the time.
Because of summer time trauma with my parents and homelessness, e have her connecting with counseling, but she shuts down in every avenue. She did meet a new counselor that makes her laugh so we will see if that works better than the other one she is also currently seeing at school. I am lucky that she socializes with peers well, but our last couple play dates she didn’t want to share dads attention.
She does have her own phone but we limit the time a lot so that she has to earn more with chores. We also use respect money but doesn’t earn them much, even with reminders.
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