Mom of teenager with ADHD

[LaLa1203]

I don’t even know where to begin. My 17 year old was diagnosed with ADHD over 10 years ago. I has been “manageable” until a couple of years ago. She is amazing! She has the biggest heart and so full of compassion, but there is the other side as well. The impulsive, manipulative non stop part that is unbearable. I am at a loss of where to turn. Looking for any help would be nice.

[Tina1010]

I took a couple screenshots but honestly you could spend hours signing up for informative webinars!!

Screenshot from eventbrite

[LaLa1203 in reply to Tina1010]

thank you! I will def check it out.

[BStron in reply to Tina1010]

can you please send a link to this event?

[EJ_C]

Hey! Okay, im not a parent just someone in my mid-20s with ADHD. So the advice below is my perspective growing up. Something I didn't figure out until I was older.

Sounds like you've done an amazing job!

I guess, for me a couple of things helped me...

Does she have a part time job? My impulsivity etc. Usually come when my mind isnt stimulated. Its the same when anxiety.

Another is potentially helping her understand, ive said in other posts, I can only reflect when I understood what my actions did to someone else. But I need help to come out the other side as I get pretty sad.

Next one; Now she is a teenager, you could together look at listening to an amazing book called ADHD A-Z spoken by a 20/30yr old who has ADHD. I wish I did it younger, by understanding it more, I could understand what was going on and then work my head around it.

Also, it could be a sign that the medication is now not working as well as it used to. Again personal advice here... If you think this is the case, a word of caution... ( I remember when my dad suggested that it wasn't working)... It be careful how it is suggested. It took me a long while to understand even though I was a late teenager. Because as you know at that age you feel your independent and understand yourself. I guess to make sure it's a journey together.

I hope this helps a little.

[LaLa1203 in reply to EJ_C]

Thanks for reaching out. Yes, she has a part time job, actually has had a few over the past couple of years. She seems to struggle with keeping a job. But yes, I agree, keeping her busy might help!

[LL_Mom]

Hello. I can relate. Does your teen have access to individual or group counseling for young neurodivergent people. My kid turned 18 yesterday and over the past several months I’ve seen more prospective taking on their part—more patience and more willingness to talk things out—more maturity.

I think that getting older and having access to mental health care consistently over the past 6 years has helped—-as has getting the medications optimized.

Good luck with all…

[LaLa1203 in reply to LL_Mom]

yes, she has been to therapy however, maybe because her maturity level, she doesn’t really open up about anything.

[amandamelinda]

Being a teen is incredibly tough, then add in being neurodiverse! As an adhd woman and mental health therapist, I highly recommend a couple things - community/support for yourself, whether that be a therapist or parent support group. Your teen should also see a therapist who has specialized training in ADHD, and if she hasn’t already, it may be time to explore medication. Chadd.org is a great resource too. Best of luck Mama!

[LaLa1203 in reply to amandamelinda]

thank you. I appreciate you

[OlderparentOlderkid]

Have you thought of getting her an ADHD specialist Life Coach as opposed to a therapist - which can be interpreted by our kids as putting them in a "you're sick/broken and need fixing/therapy model"? I spoke with an ADHD specialist Life Coach the other day who seems like she would be good. Her name is Traci Staffen, Fleurish ADHD Coaching - she has a web site fleurishadhdcoaching.com/ . I referred my 26 year old daughter to her but right now my daughter is insistent that nothing I do or say is helpful to her so .... that didn't go like I hoped it would. Perhaps your daughter might be more open?

Right now I'm looking for a"Parents of ADHD kids Life Coach for me!!!"

Good luck, hang in there, prioritize self-care.

[LaLa1203 in reply to OlderparentOlderkid]

Awesome! Thank you for the link!

[pt109 in reply to OlderparentOlderkid]

Hello! Another older parent here... I need a life coach for me as well. My daughter recently graduated from college (newly 30, she took a few years off before starting) and just when I thought she was mature, she seems to have regressed and is taking out her angst on me. It was pretty surprising because she hasn't been this bad towards me in a while. This is the first time I've replied to anyone on here so thank you.

[OlderparentOlderkid in reply to pt109]

Hi pt109 - my daughter is 26, graduated in March last year with a Degree in Cyber Security and has yet to land a job! Just when I thought we were off to the races, it appears we are not yet there.

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is taking it out on you - again it seems. I'm so new to this that I really have no ADHD infused advice for children (adult children!) taking things out on their parents AND as a parent I would certainly encourage you to calmly set boundaries and practice some non-violent resistance. You might be interested in Googling "Parent training in non violent resistance for adult entitled dependence" and the work of Eli Lebowitz. Not sure how it relates to ADHD kids but it kept me sane during my kids late teens and launch from home - she was ADHD then but none of us had a name for it. Here is a possibly interesting link to that kind of training/information therapyevanston.com/2012/09...

On the subject of Coaches for parents - I have yet to take action beyond some desultory Googling. Did find this though anewwaytoadhd.com/adhd-pare... seems mostly focused on younger adults than yours or mine, but it might be worth a free consultation (see her web site).

Good luck.

[pt109 in reply to OlderparentOlderkid]

There seems to be a disconnect between going to school and getting a job. Although school was very difficult or it was for my daughter with her focus problems, I think it offered security she can't picture at this time from a job. But I'm not sure. Part of her problem is that she's had some financial help from me and her dad (we are divorced) while she was in school and now she has to face working more to pay her rent, etc. So until she finds a job in her field she's cleaning houses which she does not like!

Anyway I will certainly check out that link, thank you so much!

As for setting boundaries, I certainly have done that, especially since she's been acting out so to speak toward me. You have me curious about "adult entitled dependence"

[MeadowLane5]

Hi, I hear you.

My youngest age 13 ( in a couple of days) is adhd / odd with dyslexia. She was diagnosed in kindergarten. What has helped keep her emotions regulated is keeping her busy with liked activities. Usually liked activities are things she is good at hence she still likes them! When she is good at something she gets compliments and feels proud of whatever she is doing. why am I sharing this ? Because our kids are told repeatedly what they are doing incorrectly and this affects their self esteem and desire to do things. Is your daughter in school? Is she working? Volunteering? What does she do for fun? Does she have friends that she hangs out with? Our daughter loves to take classes at the botanical garden and all the zoos in our city. Nature and animals seem to do the trick (Being outside and connecting with peers of similar interest). Would this be something your daughter would consider? If not, what is her passion? What activities would change her mindset in the right direction.

Since it’s winter there are no classes at the botanical garden but her knowing that classes will resume in the spring gives her something to look forward to. This is something that really helps her. My daughter loves animals and wants to work with animals when she is older. So we signed her up for American Red Cross animal cpr and first aid classes. We’re always finding something to help her build skills and confidence.

I find that when I reprimand her for doing something incorrectly it creates a downward spiral and creates a dynamic that is really difficult to experience. It can be the smallest thing but I find my daughter so sensitive to the slightest criticism.

I totally understand your situation. It’s exhausting and I send you strength to get through it.

[AdhdMom3]

Hi! I hear you!!! And I've been there. Kids with ADHD can be SO challenging! And we never know when... Often hiring a parent coach can really help because a coach partners with you to help you create a better connection with your kids and helps you develop strategies that really work. Kids do well if they can! They are not trying to push our buttons. Check out my website at Www.Livebettertraining.com and consider scheduling a 30-minute consultation and learn more about how working together can help!

[HoldingonLou]

I'm following this too cuz I can relate with my adhd teen. I honestly don't have any better advice than others have offered. It's a learning process everyday with new challenges and I pray to just get thru. Hugs