Gaming and Acting Out

[mrbaltimore]

1 1 year old acting out and it was suggested he has ADHD. He was playing fortnite but we told him he could not play it again because he was getting so angry. He talks about 'Killing himself" and "this is the worst day of my life" . He does pretty good in school and has no bad behavior outside of school. We have a dysfunctional family system and he is the only child, and we are working to find understanding and compassion. He says I am mean to him when ever he is mean to the dog, or wont get off the video screen. Please share with me your thoughts how minecraft impacts your children and it you allow them to "game"? How many hours a day? All his friends play and in this pandemic it is hard to not allow him connection. I do not want to take him to a shrink because his functioning outside the home is ok. AS parent we have to change and what is the best way to do that?

Thanks Alan

[lbayley]

Video games can be calming to an adhd kiddo because they give them extra dopamine, but they can also be addictive for the same reason. Minecraft is better than some because they are building and being creative—it’s kind of like on-line Legos. We are finding that one set rule or limit doesn’t work forever for our 11 year Old because she adapts in the wrong ways and pushes it, but if I focus on the goal—which isn’t limited screen time but rather making time for OTHER things like getting outside, moving around, any other well balanced activity that gets left out if she’s on the computer all day—it works way better. And we have allowed more time lately since she is usually playing with friends on-line and she is an extrovert with little chance to socialize right now.

And she always says I’m mean when I set a limit. It’s just her way of expressing she doesn’t like the limit and trying to see if I’ll budge. But I don’t. And if I stay calm and don’t let her outburst get to me, she calms down eventually. I think it matters that she learns that a limit is going to stay firm despite her feelings about it. I don’t try to talk her into it—words overwhelm her. I just set the limit and stay calm if she storms. (I won’t pretend that isn’t sometimes exhausting tho)

Are you having him see a counselor to talk about his statements of self harm? My daughter has a counselor, and it has been really helpful.

[waltercomms]

Check out ADHD Dude. Ryan Wexleblatt’s ADHD Dude YouTube channel has really helpful short videos. He offers great insights for parents and videos for boys to learn about their differently wired brains as well. His webinar series (which you have to pay for) goes through , among other points, his system for helping kids get of screens responsibly.

Good luck. This is not easy, but his behavior is very common for kids with ADHD.

[Onthemove1971]

mrbaltimore- welcome to the group. It doesn't sound like your child has been diagnosed with ADHD. In general, ADHD impacts many areas of their life for their entire life. While it gets better as they gain maturity, it doesn't go away.

Most children would love to play video games instead of doing the real work. Most kids at some point can be dramatic about things for a number of reasons.

But if your child has behavior that impacts his ability to function at home, with peers or at school you should try to get him help. If he was diagnosed with ADHD the recommendation would be: medication, therapy and an educational plan ( 504 plan) parental education also.

Our goal as parents is to help our children become functioning adults who can live on their own, get a job and get training to do that job.

Even if he does not have ADHD, but struggles with anger, it would be a good idea to have him speak to his doctor about their opinion on what could help him. Life could get harder in middle school and especially high school.

By the way, I am not sure a professional who help people with mental health issue ( a psychologist) would like to be called a "shrink", they have a very important role in helping people that struggle.

Good luck with your son.

[anirush]

I have 2 grandsons who love video games. Actually the 15 year old is more into YouTube now. He used to scream at people online when playing. I don't know how he had any friends. Schoolwork had to be done before gaming. There was also an evening limit. But as long as school was going well we did not limit game time.

They could also temporarily lose their game because of bad behavior or disrespect.