I can’t trust my own son: Hi. I have a... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

CHADD's ADHD Parents Together

13,610 members4,345 posts

I can’t trust my own son

iljhn profile image
iljhn

Hi. I have a 16 year-old boy DX with ADHD & LD.. seeing an increase in lying of late. Punishment does not seem to be working, neither does praise for telling the truth.

I am at my wits end. I’m considering counseling at this point. Any suggestions? Ty :(

19 Replies
Hidden profile image
Hidden

Get to counseling, both individual and family. Our kiddos lie for a variety of reasons, mostly because of impulse control. It's important that you call them in it, but in a different way. My daughter and I do this in our family counseling. Best thing we ever did. Our counseling also does a bit of CBT with us which is great!

iljhn profile image
iljhn in reply to Hidden

Thanks so much!! Yes in the process of setting up counseling as we speak :)

Counseling is a great idea - they can help guide you through this.

We’ve had times if lying as well.Here’s an article on ADHD & lying that I also find very informative:

understood.org/en/learning-...

iljhn profile image
iljhn in reply to Pennywink

Thanks for this article! Much appreciated

Pennywink profile image
Pennywink in reply to iljhn

You are very welcome!

Is he on medication? My son went through a period of lying and it ended up that his medication was not effective, therefore it was not helping him control the impulse to lie. I have friend whose son had this same issue and medication adjustment helped.

iljhn profile image
iljhn in reply to jlynn30

Yes he’s on concerta and intuniv... I was always told Intuniv addresses the impulsivity.. maybe dosage needs to be tweaked. Thanks so much for the advice .. will talk to his doctor

jlynn30 profile image
jlynn30 in reply to iljhn

You are welcome! We had to switch out my son's medication for a new one. He was on Guanfacine (generic Intuiv) and we just switched him to Clondine. It's such a tricky thing to find the right medication. Good luck!

I agree. Work with a counselor. Lying is common in at this age range and may be more common in those with ADHD related to impulsivity. We survived it, with our parent radar telling us when the lying behavior is happening.

iljhn profile image
iljhn in reply to Elijah1

Thank you. Much appreciated

My son lies a lot also. I think it has a lot to do with impulse control and not thinking things through logically. It does not excuse the dishonesty though. Punishments and rewards/praise do not really work for me either.

iljhn profile image
iljhn in reply to Janice_H

I am beginning to understand that his lying is not malicious and can definitely see how it’s related to impulse control.. thanks for the reply

Counseling!!

We never found direct questioning to help us. It just forces him to not be honest, which he is doing becuase he doesnt want to get into trouble.

Good luck

seller profile image
seller in reply to Onthemove1971

This is one of the best tips I've ever heard. I wish we had realized this during our son's teen years. ADHD kids think they're going to get into trouble most of the time and I think my son was ready to lie if we asked him a direct question. And much of the time we already figured out he was going to lie anyway.......this led to a lot of unnecessary fights.

Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971 in reply to seller

So glad it helps, YES we know they are lying. I think about myself- it is hard to accept when someone confronts me about something. We talk about things, but around them without the blame. It has changed our lives. Many issues have stopped.

Glad the tip can help.

I am beginning to see that as well.. that he gets ‘trapped’ when asked a direct question which leads to more lies! Ty!

Hidden profile image
Hidden

Counseling was good for our family but I will share what an Australian ADHD specialist learned about lying and other behaviors with Dr. Edward Halloway. Check out this explanation on Youtube: youtube.com/watch?v=7P3pOYh...

With our kids, (and adults, too) with ADHD, there can be either a fight, freeze, flight, fatigue or fib response to stress. Your and your son's insight into what contributes to his fibbing through counseling and/or learning more about the brain can help. Good luck. (And I've seen and experienced this with my own daughter. The 5 F's improve over time but she still takes a lot of naps.)

iljhn profile image
iljhn in reply to Hidden

Thanks so much for sharing this link

Very informative

You may also like...