ADHD Parents Together
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Frustrated

We literally had a therapy appointment two hours ago and my son has since: told me he hates me, thrown things down the stairs, yelled at his brother and given the dog hot sauce 🤦🏾‍♀️

He’s on fall break and I’m at my wits end. I would love to have a third child but I can’t even handle my 9yo. Sigh. I just needed a safe space to share my frustration.

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ZosMom, has the behavior gotten worse since the therapy appointment or is this ongoing typical behavior. Is he currently on medication? If not, it may help calm things down at home and assist with impulse control. He also needs to know what behavior is and is not acceptable in YOUR home. Give him consequences for poor behavior and be consistent with it. Getting control over this while he is still young is very important.

Many times kids just do not know how to express their feelings and act out instead. He is at pre-adolescent stage and going through hormonal changes too. They do grow out of this behavior eventually but it takes time, communication and patience as a parent.

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Thank you. Yes, he is on medicine but I haven’t been stringent about him taking it while on break. I’m going to start giving it him though because I realize that it’s not just for school and it’s better for the entire family for him to take it, not to mention his self esteem because he’ll be in trouble a lot less. He knows what’s not acceptable in our house but seriously lacks impulse control. I do hope he gains more control as he gets older because I fear for his future.

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I also gave my son a break from the medication during school breaks and on weekends. The times he does not take medication my home life is frustrating, chaotic and stressful. I completely understand how you feel!

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I totally understand what you are saying. It happens at my house also. My son has a “good” appointment with his therapist and you think, hope, there will be the slightest improvement just to get home and have a full meltdown down again.

This is what’s nice about this site, you can vent, and know that you are not alone.

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Thank you ❤️

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You could also try behavior charts and reward system. Also praise for positive behavior. Just thought this might help

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Honestly my best advice is for you to become the therapist. If the ‘therapist’ is not working with you AND your kid on better ways to communicate, you’re wasting time and money, and worse, maybe validating in your kids mind that he’s ‘the problem’. I have this opinion because we set ourselves back with ‘individual’ therapy. We realized the problem was not all on him, it was our stressed , negative, and inconsistent parenting style that made it impossible for him to cope with. We took a class on special needs parenting and it was this, not therapy, that turned things around. I’m not against therapy for kids, but family therapy is much more effective in my experience.

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I appreciate that, I’ve been considering trying something different.

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I have a really good therapist from my 2 grandsons. The older one has really benefited and I like that I can hear their inner thoughts when they talk to her.

His psychiatrist and a therapist will say hes been doing things the wrong way for so long it's going to take a while to internalize new behaviors. But it's so frustrating

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I know it sounds strange but I honestly find my daughter’s behavior is worse after visiting the doctor - whether it’s the psychiatrist, a counselor or any other doctor. I’ve never understood it but thought I’d let you know you’re not alone. Hang in there!

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I can’t offer any advice but just know that I’ve almost posted the same thing about my 9 yr old son. We do therapy but it’s usually with him so it’s more family oriented. I’m not sure it’s working, kind of a waste of time and money as of yet. Impulse control is a HUGE problem with my son as well! He is just downright awful to me when he’s upset about something.

However, just want to assure you that you are not alone and we are all here to hear you out and hopefully lift you up. You are doing the best that you can and for that your child is extremely blessed to have you as a mom! Hang in there, things will get better.

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Thank you!

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I hear you! You are not alone. I am about to try something new with my 9 yo daughter who has adhd. I’m teaching her signs to keep from having to verbally nag her all day. I recently read some research that hearing children with adhd can learn vocabulary words better when paired with signs, which totally makes sense because they are kinesthetic learners. I’m also using the signs for praising her as well. She knows ‘stop’ ‘wait’ ‘good job’ and a few others so far. She loves knowing something that other people don’t know and I love reducing the number of words I have to say.

I’m sorry about your day and am glad you found a place to vent to others.

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That’s such a great idea!

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I have an 8 year old who can be very defiant. His therapist suggested that my husband and I read the book "try and make me" by Ray Levy. It is teaching us how to respond to our son. It is a great book! I am so glad it was recommended.

I hope that helps.

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Thank you!

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There are many questions to consider? Has your child been evaluated for allergies, learning disabilities, behavior modification effectiveness and positive reinforcement. Many times, children with problems are given the most attention when they are getting in trouble and when they act better, parents are too tired to reward the good behavior. Is this "therapist" an expert in the problems of children. I have a grown son with A.D.H.D. and we have had some excellent ones and some horrible ones from the school. One of them acted like a drug pusher. Beware - -the schools want your child medicated so they won't be a behavior problem. Does your son get special education services. If not, you can write the Special Education department of your district and request an evaluation within 30 days. We benefited greatly from behavior modification techniques; warmly rewarding planned out behaviors, chores, homework, etc. Discipline included repeating the task, time out, reduction in allowance, etc. Sounds like your child does not feel loved right now, no fault of yours. We have been in your shoes and you are going through a hard time. You might benefit from some counseling to vent your frustrations and get strategies and ideas of how to help him. Make sure he gets a lot of love and hugs and kisses along with the corrections. And have talks with him. I don't know the answers to the questions I asked so that is all I can say for now. Best wishes to your family. P.S. drugs have side effects so be careful in that department. Wendy

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I feel your pain! We recently had appointments and I told them everything was getting better but in two weeks it has all changed and we are at square one again. I feel like it a roller coaster of emotions. Hang in there! I know it’s mentally hard

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Thanks! Yes definitely a roller coaster

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I too have been there. Therapy doesn’t work all the time. My 5 yr old has odd with adhd. He acts out in school. And I feel frustrated that I don’t know how to help him.

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*hugs*

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I don't know if this helps anyone, but before we go to our therapy appointment, I talk to my 8 year old daughter about the upcoming appointment. I tell her what I would like to discuss with the therapist so that she's not surprised by it. Usually, we start the session with the three of us, myself, my daughter and the counselor and we talk about what's been going on - the good and the bad. Then the counselor asks me to leave. Before I do, I always tell her I love her and she's doing a great job. I thinks it's hard for kids to hear the negative things so much. They don't want to be reminded how they are not doing what they are told, are out of control, etc. But it's the reason you are there to help teach them to learn different ways to cope, to listen, and I usually notice a lot of improvement with her after we leave therapy for the next few days. It tapers off after that.

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Thank you!

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Yes totally understand. I have 3 children that's adhd and I USE TO only use medication for school but it wasnt fair to the kids. They get yelled at all day we couldnt have fun on the weekends and i was a total wreck. Sob to all parents GIVE the kids their meds. They dont know why they acting out. My baby girl has to take a morning pill and a afternoon pill she's 7. My son 11 only takes a morning pill. I put food on there stomach before and give it to them an hour before they go to school. On the weekend same thing. If i sleep in and they woke I tell them to eat a bowl of cereal and bring a cup of water in my room and they take they pill right away. I found they are more happier and we get to do more fun stuff on the weekends. And my house is not a mess when i get up.

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On the weekends i see the morning pill only is just fine for her 99% of the time

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