Not "with it".

[Billy50]

I have had Autism, ADHD, or something else for fifty years now. My dad had it. Maybe intellectual people are more likely to have cognitive struggles. My dad was the "absent minded professor". He was off in a cloud somewhere a lot of times. My brother was always so "with it" and popular. I was "not". I wish I could go back to the day when people outside my family first saw me and waved a wand to replace their "frowns" with a "smile". I was sort of a Dennis, The Menace. Not so crazy, but still I was hyper, off task, day dreaming, not listening, and interrupting/socially inappropriate. It threw me into a lifelong Depression. I could not understand why the World did not appreciate me. It throws you off in a World that demands so much that people be "with it". I cannot explain how being a little off throws one way off.

[Crunchby]

Totally relate. I'm 'off' too, and in my early 50 s. No real dx, but not 'with it.'Too much to say here, but know u r not alone

[Billy50]

Oh boy! You are dealing with someone who is really bitter and has a very hard life. So, don't take this the wrong way, because I get irritated when my closest family members tell me this. Here goes:

1. I have a whole theory of the history of humankind called the Kaleidoscope Theory, which means that realities have infinite, complex factors and components. Included in my theory is that "history repeats itself", because we are human and "imperfect". I gave up trying to tell stuck Liberals and stuck Conservatives this, because the ideological extremes seem to think there is only one possible answer to reality and everything else is automatically wrong and "the opposite". That is why I avoid politics. Aggravates me.

2. Although I myself think there are too many "famous people", such that I confuse them and frequently say "Who?" when I hear about some "famous person" in the news, there are a lot, lot more of us who are "not famous and probably never will be". John Elder Robinson has a form of autism that was sort of like in the movie "Rain Man". All his introversion went towards inventions. He invented musical devices for famous rock groups like Kiss and Pink Floyd. It is very hard to get to a position where Pink Floyd wants to hire You.

3. I would love to be "imperfect", but the World won't give me a chance. When it comes to fitting in and connections, Wow, ADHD knocks one out of even Last Place. I killed myself in high school trying to fit in and it landed me nowhere forward. Girlfriend? Forget about it. Unfortunately, women choose even "bad guys" over me. At least, most "bad guys" know how to be "with it" and to "charm". And jobs? Forget about it. The jobs have become so discriminatory towards anyone with ADHD/Autism.

4. I would like to say that all the attention towards Autism in the last ten years has changed reality. Barely made a dent, and the World is changing so fast we may be moving more backwards than forward. One can be gay, woman, or black and be considered "mindful". But it one has Autism/ADHD, one gets blamed for something one cannot help. The World expects us to be perfect and when we are, but they do not see it that way, we always lose in the end. The World gets us somehow. We can try, not try, and everything in between and Society always gets us and slaps us like little children in the end.

5. I may sound bitter and negative, but I believe the opposite. I have worked so hard and the World just does not care two cents about people like me. I blame the World and Society and that is positive thinking. I have been nearly perfect in so many ways, and yet the World still wants to push me down for trying so hard.