Aggression : My five year old has... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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My five year old has recently become aggressive, mainly towards me. We’re on vacation and I feel like maybe I don’t know my own son all of a sudden or just how severe his case truly is. I hope it’s due the new setting and unstructured schedule, which I know is a challenge for him.

I find myself in tears. I’m having to interact with him in a way that I don’t want to, but have no other choice. It’s becoming a constant battle with him and it’s tearing me a part.

He’s the sweet heart that I know for the first few hours after he wakes up and then the table turns. Positive reinforcement hardly works with him. He partially responds to consequences only if he desires something in return or to not be taken away.

His new favorite words are, “Go Away!”. He responds well to my husband 80% of the time and about 20% of the time with me. He’s great with his little sister 80% of the time too.

How am I supposed to give my daughter the attention that she deserves? How do I show her that his behaviors are unacceptable so she too doesn’t pick them up?

I’m also pregnant with our third child and ask God to give me strength. Maybe it’s my hormones coupled with everything else. His behavior is challenging despite the tools we use. I’m ready to send him off to boot camp if was feasible. I know that not the solution, I’m just over stretched and allowing it to impact the quality of myself, my marriage, my parenting with my daughter.

Thank you for reading my ongoing venting. And the thing is, he’s only five.

4 Replies

Aaahhh I know the feeling. And I would bet it is partly due to being in a different setting. Adhd causes a lot of anxiety and routine usually is best. But you can’t skip vacations because the whole family needs that.

When my son was 5-8 he was very aggressive toward me. (He was also the most loving toward me as opposed to anyone else)

Most likely he feels out of his routine and is lashing out at the safest person in the room.

As far as siblings I don’t have a great answer. My son with adhd was a lot younger than my other two kids so I never had that conflict.

I still think you can teach your daughter everything you need to. I’m guessing there are good resources regarding how to raise your NON-adhd child in the home when you have one with adhd. If that makes sense.

Oh jeez and you’re pregnant! Yikes. I cried every other day while I was pregnant. You poor girl! I’m so sorry!

Tell your husband to take your son to do something for a day and stay in the hotel with your daughter. You need a break!

My son is 7 and gets that way too. Any time we are on vacation or there is a big change to schedule he turns into the hulk. Lots of adhd kids struggle with defiance. I was recently reading a book about it. As hard and pointless as it may seem stay consistent. Have clear expectations and follow them. Give consequences consistently so he knows what to expect. My son went through this at the beginning of summer. There was a few days of violence and crazy meltdowns when we tried time out. I wouldn’t stop the timer until he was calm. After a day or two he started being more respectful and would calmly take a time out to regroup. I also took him off his meds. The consistently and battling the consequence seemed a lot like potty training to me. It was terrible but after that first horrible day it did improve and we’ve been doing much better. Also, make time (I read 15 minutes) if alone time with him to do something he enjoys to repair your bond, especially when reestablishing consequences. Hang in there mama. I felt the same way 2 weeks ago.

I am so sorry. I am with you. My son is 7 and has had his diagnosis for almost a year. He is off his meds for the summer but he has aggressive meltdowns If he doesn’t get his way. Consequences don’t work - he won’t stay in his room; if we offer a reward we end up bargaining with him, and he still doesn’t comply. At night he refuses to go to bed and we are helpless and can’t get any down time. He has angry fits and then feels bad after saying it’s all his fault. We have seen two therapists (neither recently) and didn’t feel they provided value. I don’t know what to do. Following this post. Good luck. You are not alone.

I hear every word you’re saying. I felt like the minute I came home from work my son was punishing me. It hurts! I also struggle with finding special time for my daughter who is 9. My son with severe adhd is 6 now. I recommend looking into the nurtured heart approach. I would also consider occupational therapy. That helped start me off with some tools me to use with my son. I wish you the best!

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