11 yr old refusing medication then turns violent. I feel like I'm giving up.

[Crunchby]

After a really GREAT week..I mean best in months, my 11 yr old refused to take her medication this morning. She LIKES the medicine..it's her attempt to control the situation and make me angry. We've had this happen a few times before and talked to therapist, psy. about it. She admits that she refuses to take it to get me mad.

So..not wanting to 'feed' that, I said 'Ok: it is your choice to not take your medicine, but you know the consequences. (We won't take her to her activities unless she does). I calmly walked by her and said, 'I'm getting ready for work now." She forcibly stopped me and started whacking at me. I pushed my way past and went into my room that does not lock..ugh! She pushed her way in then just kept attacking me. Physically and verbally. I called police at one point and that got her to stop. (they said to call 911..which I never did).

Bottom-line of this: She needs to take her medication and now we need to add the mood medication the psychriatrist prescribed a few weeks back...BUT I don't know 'how' to get her to take it. He won't do paperwork for an inpatient until we try the 'mood' medication...sereoquel. We met this weekend with him and he explained to her what the mood medication would do...she was on-board with it. I'm at a loss...She absolutely needs the Ritalin to function..we have tried life without it...not pretty.

Dumping now: I also feel really guilty b/c right now I really don't like my daughter right now and found myself counting the years until she is on her own. I feel like I've given up...at least right now. I'm so worn out from the bruises and verbal vileness. I'll come back after a bit of time, but as each outburst happens it just pushes me further and further away..and her too... I know I'm her parent and I'm responsible for her, but I'm also human and don't want to be abused anymore. My husband has been great, but is also starting to crack emotionally over this.

So, later today, or maybe even tomorrow..(sometimes it takes more than a day), she will repent from what she did. At that point, we are going to have to lay-down rules..again...one of them being she has to take the Sereoquel. Another, we need to see therapist. Thanks for 'listening'...Wish me luck.

[ng24]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is so hard to be a parent during these situations. It sounds like you and she have some great support around you. Keep pressing on!

I dealt with physical and verbal years ago. Risperdone (for mood) helped a lot!! You are headed in the right direction. Prayers for you and your daughter

[Crunchby in reply to ng24]

Thank you! I've heard of risperidone. I'll have to check it out. Right now we have Seroquel. We tried Abilify, but it messed with her sleep.

[Mariafer]

Don’t give up ! Your daughter need you . Try to do something that calms you so you can continue . I don’t know much about the medicine we are going to started actually today. I send you a lot of prayers and good luck. I don’t know if you can disolve the medicine in a juice?as I told you I don’t know but is something come to my mine. Please don’t give up!

[Crunchby in reply to Mariafer]

Thank you for your words. They really help me fight another day. Good luck with your meds... Please ping me if you have questions, I feel like I'm qualified to write a pharmaceutical book. Also there's a great free medication guide on ADDitude site.

[AnnIrene]

Get vyvance for her. You can open the capsules and put it into her drink in the morning. She won't even know. That is what the pharmacist recommended to me when my son wouldn't take his meds. Good luck!

[Crunchby in reply to AnnIrene]

Hi! Thank you for the suggestion. She does take Vyvanse... She does great on it. She's 11, and unfortunately we have to use reason at this age. If I did sneak it into her food, she would wonder why we were not taking her activities away. She has calmed down and I'm soldering on this morning. We did get her to take the Seroquel last night... We shall see. Thank you!!!

[Mysticalnyc]

Hi - please know that you are not alone. It’s ok to dump and you need to to stay sane! You can vent to husband, family and friends but there’s nothing like venting to others going through the same especially when you feel like you’re alone. I am going thru a very similar problem with my 10 yr old daughter. She too will do things to get a reaction from me. Good or bad reactions, she doesn’t care she just craves it. Unfortunately they’re usually bad. She too takes mood medicine (abilify) and it works when it wants to. Along with other meds it’s the only way to keep her calm. She also get physically and verbally abusive when mad then after calms down is remorseful but like you said we’re human and at times it’s too much. I’ve cried in the shower, cried myself to sleep, feel like I’m alone, been mad at God, have asked why us and have had the moments of giving up and have even told her, then feel guilty. What I’m learning is we are not perfect and we’re learning as we go too but we’re doing the best we can. Try to find YOU time, I know it’s hard but try especially when you feel like you’re burning out but don’t give up! Like someone else said, your daughter needs you and honestly it’s impulses she really doesn’t have control over. We have to find the patience from somewhere, be there and support as much as we can but with the necessary discipline to structure them. In the end we’ll know we did the best we could and pray for the best! Praying for you and all that go thru what we go through! 🙏🏽 Keep the faith.

[Crunchby in reply to Mysticalnyc]

Thank you for your thoughtful words. I teared up reading them. I feel stronger now, thank you. I will soldier on..as you do. Dang, its just so hard. She has always been tough, nearly daily phone calls from preschools.. the ones that didn't kick her out... then schools. I was pretty against meds until a doctor whose son was in same social group, said if "I don't give him medicine he will find another drug to push the dopamine into his brain." Then it clicked....SHE needs this, not me, not the teachers. Anyway, I digress..

She did calm down and took the Seroquel. She is remorseful, but I'm so skeptical I think she just wants her activities reinstated. I record all her outbursts and made her listen. She is embarrassed. I also record bc she is starting to throw the child abuse card out.... Even though I never lay a hand on her....I have listened to her tell a pretty good tale in therapy...so I'm thinking its just a matter of time when she accuses us of something.

Anyway, thank you again. Hugs to u too. ❤️❤️❤️

[Mysticalnyc in reply to Crunchby]

Yes, yes and yes! I hear YOU! Soldier on...you’re not alone! You’re singing our life song...the daily calls, the worry of ”will she make it?”, how will she handle life?! I know, I think it every day just as you do. We can’t worry about later, only focus on now. I think part of the problem is us; we don’t want to accept that they’re different but what is normal? Is there such a thing? We’re busy looking at others thinking that’s normal but there is no such thing. We just have to work a little harder than others, have a little more patience. You did good by choosing meds and hopefully in time when she can regulate and become more self aware she’ll be able to figure it out herself. Stay strong and know you’re a good mom. Much better than the average because we work a little harder...at least that’s how I see it 😁. All the best wishes and if you ever need to vent...we’re here!

[Marebear129]

So frustrating. It may be that she is confused by it all and is acting out to a safe person she trusts. What about a reward for taking it? An allowance?

[Grandma01]

I mean no I'll harm or bad luck or anything. Have tried telling her that you'll send her to psych ward if she continues her mad path? What consequences had she had to face for her behavior?

I need understand should my grandson turn violent at an older age. He 6 and 4' tall. Skinny but can be strong.

[Crunchby]

Yeah, we have researched the inpatient option. First, a psy has to write an order for it. Ours won't yet bc she hasn't tried any of the "mood" drugs aka anti-psychotics... Nice word huh? Anyway, he said that's like skipping a step. Forget about getting her in a car in that state. If ambulance will come, they could force her to a hospital where she would wait days before getting in treatment center... To add to it, the center has to have a bed for her. When u get to this point with your grandson, and I pray you don't, research center around you. Some are really just warehousing them, while others are very nice centers with qualified staff whose goal is to treat the child with therapy and meds, so they can return home. Anyway, mine did come back from the dark side, and is taking the mood stuff. Making her super tired, but we were told that will pass.

[Crunchby]

Thanks for all the support. She is much better, and now taking the Vyvanse and the mood medicine we were holding off on. Making her tired, but we were told that would happen at first. I hope she doesn't need the mood meds forever, there are some pretty scary side effects.