My 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with Combination ADHD in April, and I used to think that having a formal diagnosis would make things so much easier. Obviously I was wrong about that. This year she started Kindergarten, and after trying to get her an IEP from the start of preschool (two different preschools, and then the IEP process had already been started when we got in to the public school system), we were denied for the THIRD time. Due to the fact that her academic performance is considered to be on track (though this is quickly deteriorating), the school said that she did not qualify for an IEP.
Then last week I received an email from the school counselor that was very vague and simply asked if we could come in for a meeting with her and my daughter's teacher. It turned out we were there because they wanted to "Evaluate her eligibility for a 504 plan". They claimed that based on the challenges in the classroom that the teacher has faced with her, in conjunction with the documentation from the doctors office presenting her formal diagnosis, that she qualified! I thought "Yay! Maybe this means we might actually get somewhere!"
Well, I was wrong about that, too. After going through the paperwork, the counselor asked me if there were any interventions that I could think of that would help her, and being uninformed, and not knowing what interventions are available, and clearly not even having been prepared for this meeting based on the lack of actual notification, I said "Not that I can think of, but we are open to anything that might help, and welcome any suggestions or recommendations". I walked out of the school having been told "We'll just write on the paperwork that she qualifies for the protections and use of a 504 plan, and leave it open for modification later". So basically I just came in and got my hopes up, and you are giving me no direction, and are not even actually helping? I guess that's the case. I don't know what to do at this point.
My daughter loved preschool. Her teacher was the most amazing woman that I have met, and handled the challenging behaviors that my daughter exhibits so well, and with so much love and compassion for her struggle. Now, my daughter is in a Spanish Immersion program at her elementary school, and I feel like they've doubted her and labeled her since day one. Within the first three days of class they were telling me that she may not be able to handle being in an immersion classroom. Not because she couldn't handle the material, but because she couldn't handle the behavioral expectations within the classroom. My daughter is a bright, energetic, beautiful little girl, and I believe that she has just as much of a right as any other kid to be able to have this experience. I know that she is capable. However, the school frequently imposes a "reward system" that makes my daughter feel like she can't succeed. While her classmates get to go to "dances" for earning however many "points" for good behavior, my daughter has not had the opportunity to attend a single one. She was also told she could not attend their second field trip of the year (to her favorite place, the fire station) because of her behavior.
I feel like she has received so much bad feedback and negativity from her teacher and from the school as a whole, that she just rebels at this point because she can't seem to be "good" no matter how hard she tries. It's hurting her self-esteem tremendously, and I just don't know what to do anymore. Her teacher has even gone so far as to ask me "Did you medicate her today?" on several occasions, as if me medicating her is supposed to make her magically all better, and enable a six year old girl who has never stayed still a day in her life to sit through the entire school day. Now she's been placed at her own desk, which I really wouldn't mind if it were done appropriately, but I have my doubts about it, and have not yet had the chance to see where in the classroom she has been placed. I just feel like my poor girl is already walking around with this huge negative label, and her teacher (first year teaching in the US, just moved here from Honduras) knows absolutely nothing about her condition despite my best efforts to explain it to her.
It's gotten to the point where I feel guilt and shame and sadness and fear every time I pick her up and drop her off, because I worry about her, and how she will be treated, and if her classmates will make fun of her because "she's the girl who never listens" and whether or not I will pick her up at the end of the day in tears again because "Today was a bad day".
Any advice, ideas, strategies, books, pdfs, moral support, anything at all is welcome.
I know this is pretty long, so thank you so much for taking the time to read it.
New here
Newly diagnosed ADHD/ ODD
New diagnosis of ADHD
New to the group
