ADHD and puberty

[T-brown]

Hi, I am a mother of 2 wonderful, energetic, full of life boys. My 12 year old was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 5 while my youngest 10 year old does not struggle with this issue. We had tried at the the beginning to medicate but he told us he was having bad thoughts and walking around depressed so we chose at that time to stop the meds with the doctor's approval. He has always struggled in school with focusing and I have went in every year fighting with the school system until finally last year they placed him in the IEP program. That did seem to help with school some. He has a hard time socially and really wants to have friends. He cries to me that kids don't understand him and he's at times bullied by some. He has never acted out aggressively to us or his peers. Just here recently he started going thru puberty and his emotions have been ALL over the place and it seems his focus has gotten even worse. I have considered trying the medication route again but I do not want him to become dependent on it. I feel as if I have failed him somewhere along the way and do not know which is the best course to take. Any advise will be appreciated because I feel at a loss with my son while the other does not have these issues but he is still affected by it at the same time and has a tendency to act out against his brother and resent him.

[MarySI]

Puberty is a hectic time especially for someone with adhd because everything ends up all over the place. Anger,frustration and feeling like everything is out of control can make things worse. You could try getting to the root of his emotions and there might be something behind it. Just remember that it isn't your fault and you should never blame yourself.❤

[Abi-Abster]

Honestly Lovely, I feel your pain. We spent years trying to avoid medicating our eldest (now 10), instead we tried all the alternative methods of treatment for ADHD and Autism.

It got to the point where it was completely untenable - and our daughter was so unhappy at school especially, always getting told off and feeling decifient and like she's failing in some way - that we went to CAMHS and she was prescribed a suuuuuper-low dose of 2mg Citalopram off-label (it's an anti-depressant) and Medikanet (fast release - so taken twice a day - the slow version made her utterly depressed when it tailed off at the end of the day, just like it did for my husband who also has ADHD).

She took Citalopram for a few months (it balanced out her mood swings and kept her more level in general, less yoyo-y) then started with the other.

I'm not convinced we've found the right kind of Ritalin for her (we've tried 2 so far), especially as her dad has had to try 4 different ADHD meds to find something that works for him. And he's still not sure about his meds, it just seems the best of a bad bunch for him.

Back to our daughter: in one school term on Citalopram and Medikanet she's gone from desperately unhappy and too intense/ much hard work for the company of many of her peers, to having 10 friends over for a birthday sleepover and being chosen as a School Ambassador/ Prefect.

With all the good will, vitamin and mineral supplements, and exercise in the world, none of this would have been possible without meds.

The CAMHS consultant also suggested keeping her on Medikanet at the weekends (some parents take their kids off meds during weekends and holidays). He says this is because it makes her feel less unusual, less uncomfortable in herself, and avoids her not coping/ acting like she's not managing life in general, and will therefore improve her self-esteem/ sense of self-worth.

He says she's been struggling so long that it's her self-esteem we need to build on - even though she's always been a confident kid (some may say over-confident!). And that feeling of self-worth will also help improve her behaviour. It'll all keep building on itself - we just need strong rather than shaky (ADHD) foundations to start with!

Even though they get on well and adore each other, my eldest daughter (10) still behaves really nastily to her younger sister (8), more than the average sibling fighting. It's really upsetting at times. However, since her frustration and impulse-driven behaviour has improved, she has become marginally less evil. Unfortunately this is still the area that needs the most work!

So I'm guessing what I'm saying is, try all the ADHD meds, one at a time like my husband has, until you find one that works for your son. You just have to keep trying (and avoiding the ones that don't work), like we are. But at least in the meantime our kids should be struggling less...

Also, the correct vitamin/ mineral supplements and good diet do more than help; they're essential. It's just that they're just a part of the puzzle rather than the whole picture.

And as for 'failing' your son, the transformation of our daughter on medication after years of us trying every single thing but that, means we feel we failed her for not medicating her sooner: she is so much more settled and content now (although will never be neuro-typical, obvs)! Basically, as parents we can't win, so please be sweet to yourself whichever route you choose.

Don't know if I've helped at all, but I guess at least you know you're not alone... !

Good luck,

Abi.

[walewyck]

There is more than one type of medicine for ADHD. There are different stimulants, and -- from recently talking with a child psychiatrist about them-- even for some that have the same active ingredient, so to speak, they can have different release profiles. Some are fast-acting; some are slow-release, and she says that some kids do well on one type but poorly on the other. Beyond that, there are different types of stimulants. And even beyond stimulants, there some non-stimulant ADHD medications now! Point is, there is a suite of medication options out there, and just because one or two did not work out / had bad side-effects, doesn't mean that there isn't one that would work great for your child. I suggest finding a child psychiatrist, ideally one who has a specialty/experience with ADHD, and get their advice about what to try, given your child's history.

In addition, a child psychologist may be able to help as well-- we are still struggling to find the right person, but I'm hopeful once we do that may help. In my mind, the idea is to have another adult in my kids' life whom, ideally, they would trust and open up to, and who can not only help identify and teach mental skills and tools that he may lack, which may help him be more aware of and control his behaviors more effectively. I can't say this has yet helped us (!) but we are trying to find a person in our area who may be able to assist on this.

Finally, some kids, and ADHD kids are more likely to fall in this group, lack age-appropriate social skills because their brains simply were unable to pick up on them "naturally". The missing skills can be termed "social thinking" and, apparently, they can be explicitly taught to kids to improve their social lives. My son's psychiatrist pointed us towards this website (which admittedly I haven't looked at yet since we just got the suggestion): socialthinking.com/