What’s the impact been on the rest of your family?

[CalvinHU]

Happy monday! Hope everyone had a fine weekend!

Today we'd like to hear how ADHD has impacted the rest of your family?

Has there been an impact on other siblings? Partners? Parents? Or other extended family members?

[Leighz77]

His relationship with his Mum and his Sister are much better since he was taken out of the equation to live with myself,we have our moments here at home but that's to be expected.

His Nan has withdrawn from being his "Carer" which upset him a bit,she doesn't seem to want to understand that his needs are "real" and seems to be quite happy to have wiped her hands of him,we deal with this though by being close and looking after each other here at home and we try to get away as often as we can on holiday together for a bit of bonding,all in all things are ok except for the monumental issues that school brings.Im already enjoying the summer holidays lol. 😀

[antonia26]

Ok with siblings he causes alot of arguments and hits them he also does it to other kids not in school but outside he finds it amusing for some reason. He's not bullying them but to get their attention he will hit them.

With family even though they love his cheekiness no one likes having him cause he don't listen he don't keep still . He's a like a Duracell battery he just don't stop.

He does get on with his brothers most of the time so that's something 😂his sisters also his younger one hates him on times cause he's always winding her up.

[Ariadne1925]

It has definitely impacted my relationship with her. I have a bad back so her hyperactivity is a struggle. Her tantrums are very difficult and bedtime can be very difficult with occasional night terrors - lack of sleep is a killer. Her little sister copies her behaviour which is tricky as we have to be fair and consistent - the little one is actually naughtier and knows she is misbehaving. My husband copes better with her because he understands, having ADHD too. The house is constantly messy and our marriage has definitely been tested to the limits. It has got easier more recently and I'm hoping treatment will make a difference.

[Ariadne1925 in reply to Ariadne1925]

Extended family is tricky - my husband's family don't believe in ADHD nor medicating. They don't believe he has it and gather evidence against it. I don't talk to them for other reasons otherwise we would have fallen out over this. My family are more diplomatic and accepting even if sceptical.

[meggypegs]

There are things we can't do as a family, because my son just wouldn't cope. We can go on days out to places like zoos, where ther is a lot of space and he can get away from the crowds. We can't go to London, he'd run off. Not intentionally, but he'd get overexcited and just run. So we are all missing out.

His uncle and aunt on his dad's side seem to have as little to do with us as possible. We see them at christmas, maybe, for a few hours. They don't want to invite us round, and you can see them getting frustrated when he's rowdy or difficult. They don't say anything. His dad's parents used to take the kids for a few days each year. It was great, it gave us a break. They don't any more. I don't blame them, they are getting older, but they find the kids too much. On my sister's side, we used to have my sister's kids for a few days to give their parents a break. They don't do they same for us. My sister admits she's scared to take them.

As a result we are quite an enclosed family unit, and the kids don't have great relationships with anyone outside the immediate family. We don't see relatives much either, which is hard.

My husband and I are exhausted sometimes. We know we don't do as much with the kids as we,d like, but we don't have the energy.

His elder brother has big health issues, and tires easily, it's hard to reconcile their different needs. The brothers are very attached, but they are both extrovert and demanding, and they argue a lot.

[Georgina1475]

My parents take him as he comes, I'm luck my mum was a foster parent that specialised so knows exactly what it's like. The in laws don't understand his condition but don't make a deal of it. We don't have any other children because I knew straight away from really early in that I couldn't cope with more and was scared of having another child, lack of sleep and so much activity just wore me out. It has put strain on the family unit, my husband took a long time to adjust and by then I was on my knees with exhaustion and became very down. As he's grown we've found ways of managing and understanding so things are much better in that respect. We try not to let this rule us, we work around things to ease it but it's part of him and I wouldn't change him for the world. I'm looking forward to summer hols without the added stress of school.

[vg1955]

Yes a bad impact because for most of my sons teenage years my husband worked nights so I was mostly alone to deal with him the marriage suffered and we eventually split up my daughter too had bad times and her relationship with him has suffered so my family was torn apart

[moiraroyal]

siblings have been affected over the years, but more by his Asperger's than the ADHD due to the difficulties in coping with social situations. Although our son is much better from the ADHD point of view, he can still be quite verbally aggressive on occasions which his 2 younger brothers can find quite intimidating, although they realise "it is just the way he is"

Grandparents have found it harder to deal with as they are of the generation that doesn't really accept ADHD as a genuine ailment , tending to be of the opinion that it is due to less than perfect parenting skills, although his 3 siblings have all turned out the same

[hertsred]

There has definitely been an impact on family life, but in our case it is hard to disentangle the ADHD effects from the FASD effects. Our son has a huge need for active play and activity. We can spend ours with him swimming after school; or an entire day in a soft play gym; or many hours at a playground. It is quite hard to find a time when he will quietly spend time on something in his room, or in the house generally. It's almost impossible for an activity to last more than 20 minutes or so, although in short bursts he enjoys cooking, crafts etc. This means we run to stand still much of the time. His brother bears the brunt of this a bit, loses out on activity time with us himself, and retreats behind headphones to play computer games more than we would like, but that's his coping mechanism. We also can only do family holidays to very familiar places, never involving plane travel, and with a beach in very close proximity to accommodation.

[hertsred in reply to hertsred]

Should say also that his hyperactivity has always meant it is impossible for his grandparents to look after him without assistance from others. That's something they always regretted, and my mother still regrets.

[tomhealy]

I found that the brother was feeling that all the attention was taken away from him and felt that the need of his brother was being put first. Some of the family are professions within health sectors so were understanding of the behavior, however, older family are not as comprehensive in their empathy.