Feeling of Disconnection with Reality... Help? (Warning: Long Winded)

[ModdingNinja]

Over the past few months, sometime in mid April is when it started, I have been feeling sort of... detached. It is an incredibly hard phenomenon to try and explain, but it definitely is there. It is as if I am watching life through a television screen, but also feeling, tasting, smelling, and hearing through said TV. No matter what I do, I feel like everything I do isn't real.

For any lucid dreamers out there, you know how you have all 5 senses in your dreamscape, and how just the way if feels, you just know that it isn't real? That is how I feel in the real world, 24-7.

I've been seeing a professional for help for about two months now, but because of how our insurance works I cannot go more than once or twice a month. Her and I agree that what I am feeling is called "Depersonalization" or "Derealization". As of now, we are not sure if a medical diagnosis is required, as DPS is not an official disorder/syndrome.

I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience, and if they have any advice on how to feel reconnected with myself and the world around me. I also understand that most people will feel this way at one point in their lives as a sort of "coping mechanism" for stress and/or anxiety. However, I have no stressors or anxiety factors in my life. Although, it is possible that my relationship with my mom-not the best one-could have planted the roots for this problem.

The reason I'm so worried about this continuing, as it is getting progressively worse (feeling more detached) is because when I'm feeling incredibly detached I become impulsive, and when I don't think straight my mind likes to make me think mean things.

I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it, but I've also been not feeling hungry at all recently, so much that I forget to eat entirely on some days, which causes my blood pressure to drop through the floor. Another factor that my counselor and I discussed is the fact that I broke my arm on May 27th. And I tell you what, it was a horrific injury. Matter of fact, for a short while I exhibited all the symptoms of PTSD after the injury.

If anyone has any advice on how to cope with this, or how to make it stop, I would appreciate to hear it!

[Natsteveo]

Hi there ModdingNinja

Depersonalization (DPS) is an experience that is hard to put into words. Even sufferers like yourself cannot make much sense of what is happening to them. That is why people find it hard to explain what DP is to your friends and family because how can you explain to someone about what you have if you don't understand it

Many of us have somewhat of a grasp of what illnesses such as depression or anxiety feels like. These are somewhat common issues plaguing modern society and there has been a lot of awareness in the recent years about them.

Depersonalization, on the other hand, is a different kind of beast. It is somewhat of a rare disorder and there is not much awareness about it. Even a lot of medical professionals do not know about it. Only a person going through DP can know what it really feels like.

Even though it is extremely difficult to put into words what this disorder makes you feel like, I think you've explained it exactly to the point...Feeling disconnected from realisation is the worst feeling in the world I had this for such a long time and where you say you feel your watching everything through a tv I had that too...

My therapist told me to put my tv on pause and concentrate on everything around me (which is hard to do as you know) I would look in the mirror and not feel I was looking at myself

It's like I have a wedding veil on that was how I was seeing everything? Is this sounding familiar with you it's hard isn't it and also because it's not a quick fix either and also that no professional quite knows anything about it either makes it harder to handle..

But overall I do know dpsis brought on by stress I've got dps with anxiety (health) and it's always brought on by a big event that's happened in your life like a death in the family of a loved one a traumatic childhood I had to deal with my traumatic childhood and the sudden death of my lovely mum 11 year ago I dealt with these two situations first then I was also diagnosed with PTSD aswell as dps all I can say to you is take one day at a time it will get easier with time and plenty of therapy the only way to deal with this is to find out what your trigger is and work on that and everything else will gradually fall into place with you which will help you understand it

Sorry this is so long but I know how this feels

Nat

[ModdingNinja in reply to Natsteveo]

I am so glad someone gets me! Although my counselor and I have been working on it, we can't seem to find any "trigger". We know what caused it to start happening, but can't even get close to figuring out why it keeps happening. We discussed the possibility that there is no psychological reason why it keeps happening, but only further visits would confirm it, if it is true. Another possibility is because there is another underlying disorder, and DPS is how my mind interprets it. However, the only way to find out is more counseling sessions.

[Natsteveo in reply to ModdingNinja]

You will get to the pit of it one way or another just keep positive I know it's easier said than done but you will conquer this and be in control.its took me 20 years to get to the pit of my triggers I'm not saying you will have to it's just there's more testing nowadays than there was when I had it and it wasn't until my mum died me and my therapist found the true trigger.

Take care

All the best nat

[Shadow123-]

Hi there I'm Shadow. I had the exact same thing. Started with a strange feeling of leaving myself behind - turn my head and felt like brain had to catchup. Then led to out of body experiences and a feeling that I was literally fading away.

I was very depressed at the time and had just lost my partner so obv told doc. Long story short I had over active thyroid !!

Point is mate- docs is only choice.

PS - I lost loads weight and had no appetite at all. Get blood test done just incase

Shadow x

[Calm_mama]

Hi!

I agree that if you haven’t had a basic medical work up with thyroid function and other basic blood work that that is the place to start. The next thing is to consider if any new meds might be a factor in how you are feeling. Assuming there is no medical factor contributing, which is usually the case, I highly recommend the resources I have on my profile- they have been a Godsend to me.

I believe that DP/DR symptoms are very common- and that the effective way to feel better is to think of it as simply a sensitized nervous system. Practicing nonchalance, curiosity and normalization of these symptoms has brought many to total recovery. Start with Claire Weekes’ enlightenment video- part 3 is all about these bewildering feelings of unreality.

Trust me when I say you are not alone! and that recovery is right around the bend with the right approach