I'm new here... But could someone help me figure out what is happening to me?

[FallingSoftlyYetNot]

I may come off as a bit rude or a bit blunt, but it's in my nature to be direct so I deeply apologise in advance if/and or I'm wasting anyone's time with minuscule problems. However, to put it straight-forward, somethings wrong with me, and I can feel it.

I've already been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I do have severe bulimia, but I'm already seeking help for that. My problem lies outside of that range, but also pretty close.

Something just feels... Wrong. I know that's vague, but it's the truth. Somethings off with me, wrong, and I can't place it which has been irritating me- Yet not at all. I've been completely apathetic for the past couple of weeks, yet sometimes I get explosive moments of anger or sadness, which arise out of nowhere. My sleepings absolutely messed up, I'm always fidgeting- Every little thing is bugging me.

When a bus goes past, all I can hear is the water trickling from the pipes at the bottom, when I'm walking to school I can hear my shoes clacking on the pavement and I just want to snap my ankles to get the noise to stop. I keep getting random thoughts to break a bone or throw myself off a building, or in front of a car.

Listen, I've never been normal, I mean- I look up dead bodies and suicide notes in my spare time- So, no, I've never been the completely stable kind-

It's just... Somethings wrong, completely wrong, and it's building up and building up. I don't want to go to school cause' I just break down halfway there, I can't leave the house and I'm just so desperate to hurt myself so that I don't grow anymore weird than I'm already feeling. Hell, the thought of water clocking up my lungs or my insides beginning to curdle sets my heart on fire.

I need someone to help me figure this out- I'm desperate.

Please, I'm only young, I really need some help.

Is this what going insane feels like?

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello there FallingSoftlyYetNot

Welcome to our Community.

Really sorry to read of your concerns, sounds very unpleasant and of course quite uncomfortable and upsetting.

From what you've said, it may be an idea to have a chat with your doctor, if only to put your mind at rest, you sound very uneasy right now and I feel that is the best course of action right now,

Do let us know how this goes and take care.

Chloe

[Tekakwitha]

First of all you write very well. That might not seem important to you at the moment but it a great therapeutic gift which will surely help you now and into the future. Some of the feelings you describe many people experience in stressful times. But it is worth going to a doctor who can refer you to a specialist if necessary. If you feel unwell or perplexed don't be fobbed off but ensure that you get real help. In answer to your question the line between normality and mental illness is a continuum. Most people are in some respects along that line especially at challenging times of their lives. So you are in good company! I hope you get the help and encouragement you so deserve.

[2stroke]

Consider phoning the SAMARITANS about how you feel,,good luck.

[FallingSoftlyYetNot]

Thank you all for the lovely advice and I'm sorry this reply is so late. I've brought it up to a psychologist and they were pretty dismissive about it, but I was thinking of mentioning it in more detail this week and just seeing how it goes.