Confused

[CapitalT]

How can we let things follow a path then when crisis hits we feel totally confused about how and why we got where we are ?

It's a complex story now I don't know which way is up and just want it all to end.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello there CapitalT

Sounds like you're thoughts have become confused by your situation. I can only guess that you've been jogging along quiet happily and then out of the blue, something or someone has given you a mighty shock and this has left you questioning yourself and possibly your future. I may be totally wrong of course and apologies if that's the case but if you want to enlighten us a little more, maybe a member will be able to offer some insight into your situation.

If you need to speak with someone, please check the resources on the right hand side of the page.

Take care

Chloe

[CapitalT in reply to chloe40]

Thanks Chloe,

You're pretty much spot on.

I was following the gender transition pathway from male to female, then got diagnosed with cancer.

I was given the all clear in April, then took a look at my life, where I was and what my future held.

There were a number of aspects that bothered me, that I won't go in to, but it prompted me to question so many things, lot's of decisions mainly, including deciding to become a woman, spending, actions, behaviours etc, and I DIDN'T like what I saw.

This is very hard to put into words, even speaking about it is very tough, but I was clinging on to the hope my feminine side would return for ages, it had given me strength to cope with so much, perhaps it would again.

Now I've completely fallen apart and can barely cope with anything, finding living back as a man a struggle and very confusing..

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to CapitalT]

Hello CapitalT

Yours is such a sad situation, I really feel for you, honestly I do.

Okay, so you made a decision and followed it through and then suffered cancer. Now having recovered, this has made you rethink your whole life really. I can't help wondering that you may have made the decision to revert back hastily and this is why you feel so confused.

It's never too late to start again you know, in fact if you can identify this as the cause of your confusion, then honestly, I would go with your heart and go back to the person you were before the illness struck, you seem to have been happy then or maybe I am wrong.

What I would ask you is to speak with someone urgently, you can continue to chat here, that's not a problem as long as you are not desperate, if you are then take yourself off to the local A&E or contact one of the resources on the right hand side of the page.

Above all else, comes your piece of mind and issues and worries can all be sorted out with the right help and I'm so pleased you felt able to confide in us.

Please do stay in touch.

Chloe

[CapitalT in reply to chloe40]

Hi Chloe,

I thought I was really happy, but had been struggling with something for a while, not sure what though.

There's other influences that make staying female very hard, it takes a LOT of effort and some financial resources, which I've had to look at very closely and mine aren't good :-/, the whole experience has knocked me hard.

I'm trying to stay strong and move forward but it's VERY tough.

Hey ho, I will do things without thinking many of them through.

Hopefully I can engage the right help soon.

C T

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to CapitalT]

Will you keep in touch here CapitalT ?

I'd really like to know how you are and help you through your journey, if only as a sounding board.

You're always welcome here.

Chloe

[CapitalT in reply to chloe40]

I will Chloe, thank you. MHT meeting tomorrow, hopefully get some news about what and when.

C T

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to CapitalT]

This is very strange CapitalT I was just re-reading your post before going offline, so I'm glad you caught me and thanks for getting back to me.

We're always here for you and I do hope you have a positive meeting tomorrow.

Chloe

[Natsteveo]

Hey CapitalT

You sound like you have been through so much just lately you dont know which way to turn or even who to turn too but youve definitely come to the right place here

Our lovely chloe40 has gave you some inspiring advice and support there..

A absolutely well done to you for kicking cancers backside what a brave fight u have fought and with that fight its made you realise "wow" life is too short as it is and if you feel yourself through your transition good for you for taking that step its hard to have to live in a body your not happy in everyone has the right to be happy whatever the situation and you should be able to live the life you feel you want to live.. come on girl you can do this.

Nat

[CapitalT]

Hiya Natzsteveo, my journey into femininity crashed during my 'questioning phase' and hasn't returned, my situation makes transitioning an impossible dream, getting used to this hasn't settled yet, I'm still finding adapting to it very hard.

It's really affected me badly and very sad.

I've been into A&E a number of times, for a number of reasons so the MHT know me quite well and seem to be trying to sort out support and help for me, though it seems there's some wait, so I'll just have to try and hang in here until it's available.

Thank you all for caring and supporting

[Natsteveo in reply to CapitalT]

CapitalT I am so sorry you are feeling so low with what you have been through its bound to take its toll on you sweetheart. You have been through so much and now you are still fighting another battle too...there's always a wait in MHT that's the downfall of that part but please do hang in there because it's really worth the wait...and I would love to hear your continued journey and see how you progress here for you anytime sweetie remember your not alone

Love Nat xx

[CapitalT in reply to Natsteveo]

Trying my best Nat.

I'll post more as and when things happen.

Interview with Reablement Team in a week or so, it's believed they can help me start rebuilding some form of new life.

Fingers crossed.

Love and thanks

CT xox

[Natsteveo]

Your best is all you can do my friend CapitalT good luck with your reablement team they will help you get yourself back to you again it takes time honey take baby steps you will get there slowly and start to feel you get back on track

Take care here if needed

Love Nat xx