I'm new: Trying a way to be more open

[Zoeh94]

Hi, I am new and am a little nervous writing this, but felt being more open about how I am feeling might help to control my feelings of shame about what I am experiencing at this time. 

I have struggled on and off with anxiety and depression since I was about 12. This current point in my life is proving particularly hard and is probably one of the worst I have ever felt. I didn't even realise I felt this bad until just over a week ago. I broke down in front of my closest friends and they were so confused with what was happening. I feel really alone because although a couple of them are trying their best to understand and help, two of them won't even speak to me. Luckily my mum and boyfriend are being really supportive. I'm just scared at the moment because I don't really understand what is happening to me and I'm worried I will lose people I love because they won't know how to interact with me any more because they don't understand. 

This past week has been so hard. I feel panicky and hopeless lots of the time, my mum took me for dinner yesterday as a way to cheer me up and I spent the entire time with my heart beating fast and wanting to leave because I felt so anxious and sad.

I'm new here and hoping not only can talking about this with people who are going through a similar thing help me, but I'm hoping I can help others too.

[Iluvhorses]

Depression and anxiety are weird in the way that you cant always tell what is triggering your symptoms. Try exploring your thoughts, feelings, surroundings, and events in your life to see what might be the cause (or causes). Good luck