What's wrong with me?

[Charlotte2008]

I've struggled over the years up and down with my weight.

I hate the way I look and as a teenager was so un confident with how I looked I used to get my friends to walk infront and behind me......

I was in a long relationship with my children's father, who never once made me feel insecure about myself, but since I left him I've had two other relationships. 1st one cheated on me and said it was because how paranoid I use to get about how fat I looked in all my clothes and how jealous I was with him looking at other girls etc.....

Now I live with a man that I adore but unfortunately all the insecurity has set back in and only I am driving him away. He still says he loves me but I know he looks at me in disgust as I have drawn so much attention to my body by the none stop talking about it, I've turned into a jealous person and now I know I'm loosing him because of my messed up head with this constant obsession about my body image and how I feel he doesn't like what he see's.

I cry four five times a day. Am I going crazy??

I just don't want to loose him but need to sort my crazy mind out too.

Why do I pay such an importance on my body.... I'm a size 10/12

However I feel obese huge huge ugly overweight

So fed up feeling this way, the only way I gain confidence is if I drink.