High days, hell days and magical thinking

Some days I think I've cracked this and I have reached the nirvana that is habituation. I have days when the tinnitus is so low or when it's moderate and I can get away from it by focussing on other things or somehow, even though I am aware of it, it doesn't bother me. Magical thinking indeed.

This week after several days of moderate tinnitus, Tuesday was tinnitus free. It was bliss. I drove the car a little too fast, had my music turned up a couple of notches more than usual. I was euphoric.

Then brutally and for no reason the tinnitus came back with a vengeance. All I want to do now is find a darkened room and to go to sleep. I have struggled to concentrate at work. I'm shattered and I want it to be over.

I'm left wondering was it the coffee? Perhaps I shouldn't have used cotton buds in my ears? Did I play my music a notch or two too loud? Then I'm back to the 'if onlys' and berating myself for causing this condition.

Added to this I have another intermittent, painful physical health condition which has been playing up again. So yes I'm struggling. Hell days indeed.

I am for the most part very positive and I have been stronger than I ever thought possible but it takes a lot of energy sometimes. There are I know always going to be down days.

I hope and pray - I'm an atheist so not to any god - that all of us have more high days than hell days and that they find a cure for this challenging condition soon.

Take care all.

Love

Luverly Lucie xx

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  • Hi Lucie,

    I know how you feel! My tinnitus seems to follow a fairly predictable pattern these days, I have one really bad day where the swirling hissing noise is really intrusive, it's wearing and really prevents me concentrating on anything....today is one of those days. Tomorrow it will be slightly better, but still noisy, then Monday should be more bearable still. If all goes to plan, Tuesday and Wednesday should be good days with my mood lifted almost to the extent of forgetting I have Tinnitus....then bang...the cycle will continue.

    I've no idea how/why it follows this pattern. Also, if I drop off in the chair it will spike, or if I wake up in the night (like last night at 2.45am) with quiet T, it's guaranteed that when I wake up again in the morning it will be raging; it's got to the point where I wonder whether I should just get out of bed to avoid this situation...

    Anyway, hope you have a good day. Steve

  • Hi Lucie. It is indeed a strange condition ( I am reclaiming tbe word from the NHS Hearing Therapist who wouldn't even let me use the word condition saying it is all in my mind and that I knew that and why did I keep coming !) I know this may sound hard , but can you enjoy the quieter days and hope there will eventually be more of them. I still have not had one day in 4 and half years when the trajectory has been worse each day . Hoping you have more good than not so good. Best wishes 😇

  • Be well, Kevin

  • Tolerating your 'physical condition' won't be helped by having tinnitus as well! I find my fuse is very short when the T is being especially intrusive. If only we could push it into the background and not worry .... we really have better things to do and think about!

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