Some days I think I've cracked this and I have reached the nirvana that is habituation. I have days when the tinnitus is so low or when it's moderate and I can get away from it by focussing on other things or somehow, even though I am aware of it, it doesn't bother me. Magical thinking indeed.
This week after several days of moderate tinnitus, Tuesday was tinnitus free. It was bliss. I drove the car a little too fast, had my music turned up a couple of notches more than usual. I was euphoric.
Then brutally and for no reason the tinnitus came back with a vengeance. All I want to do now is find a darkened room and to go to sleep. I have struggled to concentrate at work. I'm shattered and I want it to be over.
I'm left wondering was it the coffee? Perhaps I shouldn't have used cotton buds in my ears? Did I play my music a notch or two too loud? Then I'm back to the 'if onlys' and berating myself for causing this condition.
Added to this I have another intermittent, painful physical health condition which has been playing up again. So yes I'm struggling. Hell days indeed.
I am for the most part very positive and I have been stronger than I ever thought possible but it takes a lot of energy sometimes. There are I know always going to be down days.
I hope and pray - I'm an atheist so not to any god - that all of us have more high days than hell days and that they find a cure for this challenging condition soon.
Take care all.
Luverly Lucie xx