I loathe being like this, it’s just impossible to plan things and get them done. Nigel can make his own plans so he’s out of the equation. It’s me really that’s the problem.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been running around making plans, I’ve been running around do this, that and the other and now I’ve crashed and burned. I never know when this will happen but today it has and it’s not a good position to be in. I hate being like this, I feel like a lesser being, a burden on others. When I’m rushing around making plans nothing really gets in my way, I’m charming and funny, maybe a bit pushy but I get my way. I also end up getting a load of stuff I don’t really need, I also say “yes” to things and end up going along for the ride if they seem like a good idea. I woke this morning in that frame of mind; to write this I’ve just crawled out of my bed. I make quick decisions, within a nanosecond I have decided that yes, I will do that magazine article. Now I worry that I will be seen as a strong and capable person (which is the ideal me) and sent back to the Job Centre.
Sorry, I just didn’t have it in me to finish this yesterday although in all honesty this is a pointless blog post which doesn’t really say much apart from “I’m still miserable”. I have things to do such as clean the house ready for the photographer to come on Monday to take photos of me for the magazine article. I guess if he wants something realistic that shows what life is often like for me he can take a picture of me in my smelly pyjamas hiding under the duvet rather than me perfectly groomed sitting in my perfect lounge. I was looking forward to the TUSC (Trade Union and Socialist Coalition) West Midlands conference in Coventry tomorrow but even summoning up the energy to do this is tough let alone eat.