I’m bored, chairman of the bored. Bored. I was looking forward to today, we were supposed to be going for a nice ride out down to the famous Ace Café en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ace_C... , unfortunately their own website isn’t working properly, nor is my boyfriend’s bike, hence I’m sitting here BORED and still obsessing about the blog related events that have unfolded this week. This week has taken its toll on my ticcy brain so it would have been nice to get out, go for a nice ride out, meet some friends and just generally have a pleasant day.
The obsessive thoughts have been quite tiresome, not a lot else has been going through my head, but now I’m worrying about how some of my tics are impacting on biking, hopefully when I have some money I was planning to get a nice little 125 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honda... and have another bash at doing my CBT (in biker speak that’s Compulsory Basic Training) last time my short attention span got in the way, I became bored, was a bit heavy on the throttle (which is held by your right hand) and went into a ditch, I didn’t hurt myself or the bike, the brambles cushioned the blow and did my leathers, however I did go home feeling sore and bruised after coming off previously, however I did give my tutor a bit of a shock, there I was….and then…I was gone!!! I’m not too worried about it at the moment, but I am worried about how my tics and compulsive thoughts are impacting on getting out and about on the bike. The cop has now started on the bike, the thing is when I shout my head and shoulders also jerk, I do worry that this could un-balance us but I’ve told not to worry, I also have a compulsion to twist my head around until my neck makes a cracking sound, I do this also whilst wearing my helmet, this isn’t good my neck or my helmet as my helmet should fit onto my head snugly and not move. The chin strap on my helmet is also causing me problems, because I struggled with a “D” ring, which is a loop that you thread the strap though I got a helmet with a fastening a bit like a car seatbelt which is more secure and easier to use, except now with it being summer it’s rubbing against my Adam’s apple and thus causing me to jerk my head backwards. Not good, again I worry that this will un-balance us but told not to worry. On the plus side my jacket does seem to be able to help me suppress some of my tics that involve me twisting my shoulders and putting my right arm out to the side and twisting it. As my jacket is quite heavy I think it must work in a similar way to the weighted blankets that you can buy on the internet. weight2goblankets.co.uk/ Perhaps if weighted blankets work at home maybe try wearing a vintage leather biker jacket, it works for me.
It’s not just the motor and vocal tics that I’m worried (not overly worried yet) but the dark, dread like thoughts that many of us ticcers experience. This thoughts usually involve initially the thought of having a slip (coming off the bike) on a roundabout or busy road and being injured or killed or being knocked off my car that’s come to close, some drivers come scarily close to you sometimes, another worry I have is whilst filtering (in biker speak that is the perfectly LEGAL practice, endorsed by traffic police, where a bike can ride up to the top of a stationary or very slow queue of traffic) some car drivers get annoyed by this, even when the weather is bad they think you should queue, so when they see you coming they suddenly pull out thus blocking your way, it has been known for car drivers to deliberately open their door and knock the biker of their bike, it’s also not uncommon for litter to be dropped in your lap from car windows, the other day somebody chucked a fag out their car window and it landed on me. Well, you can imagine what I’m dreading and worrying what might happen. Whilst filtering, I also have a strong urge to reach out and touch the cars, I also have the urge to pull on hedges if we go past close to hedges. I think before I do my CBT (bike speak) I should do some CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) to try and combat these worries. It would be interesting to hear from some ticcy bikers on how they cope.
It would have been nice to go down to the Ace Café today on the old kwak (see picture, boyfriend on his beloved Kawasaki 1979 Z650 with his daughter).