Obsessive self doubt

[alexfrombath]

Ok...firstly, sorry for bombarding the site with posts and questions so soon after joining! Don't even know how to word this so it might not make sense.

Long story short, I constantly feel like I'm faking it. All of the time. Because my tics worsened as abruptly as they did at the age they did (around 16/17) the comments some people (including parents) made have stuck with me. It's left me feeling conscious about it all of the time and I don't seem to be able to shift it!

The other problem is that sometimes, the doubt forms into me convincing myself I can stop - which of course makes things a hell of a lot worse. I will sit there trying not to tic for ages, almost always ending in me being a total mess but still feeling like some sort of mad-fraud.

Any of you got any advice for dealing with this? How can I persuade my brain?

[catherinem]

Yep, after a conversation with a fellow ticcer, yep we've both been there thinging as tics have had a good day that it's all in my head (well it is, but in my imagination). Don't worry about posting loads of questions, it give me something to do, lol! That's what we're here for.

[alexfrombath in reply to catherinem]

Glad it's not just me. My dad telling me he thought it was "psychosomatic" (however it's spelt) has stuck with me among other things, so I get days when I'll sit there and try not to twitch. Course my brain seems to gloss over the fact that half of my motor tics don't even come with a premonitory feeling, just pop out with no processing in the conscious mindbox...

Just gotta make it through another 2 weeks and hopefully there's a med-based light at the end of the tunnel! Appointment in bham is on the 22nd I think (the 20-somethingth)! Been worse than I have been in years for months now...so I've waved goodbye to any hopes that it's just a random bad cycle - noticed that it's got worse like it did when I was working before so YAY (sarcasm).

Thanks for the reply

[catherinem]

Mon 22nd, I'll be doing voluntary work in Edgebaston, free late afternoon, Wed 24th, my turn to see Dr C.Probably won't take long.

If you think about it those tics that you say don't have premonitory urge probably do, it's just very short, almost instantaneous.

[EsJaySea]

You're not faking it - just because you've had good days before when there have been very few tics, or days when you've felt good about yourself & supression/diversion was easy doesn't mean that you have control over them The definition of tic is 'purposeless and involuntary movement or noise'.

You have a recognised medical condition with a not-completely understood biological cause. Psychosomatic (perfect spelling by the way!) symptoms originate from the mind - but that doesn't mean that they are consciously controlled, and they are certainly as real and as distressing as symtoms with a biological origin. So it could be that if your self-esteem is in a pit your tics get worse, but that is still a real effect.

I have an angst-ridden 13yr old with TS, so I'm not sure you'll believe me either, but most people you meet will be interested in Tourettes for about 10 minutes and then you the person for the rest of the time. (His last bad peak lasted for 5 months before he started to come out of it).

Good luck

[alexfrombath in reply to EsJaySea]

Thanks Hoping this peak doesn't last that long >_< haha