I have had tinnitus on my left ear for 3 years... and in the last months (around November last year) it has started to spike up more often, and because of that it spiraled me into a depression where I focused only on work and playing video games (life was not something that could be managed at that point). Unfortunately or fortunately I have previous experience with depression so I had some systems in place to go through it and also knew to push myself to go outside an meet people even though I did not felt like it.
Slowly my mood has improved and the "will to do" is there again.
I am starting to tackle the new higher pitch tinnitus and I understand that accepting it is one of the first steps. Working hard on that.
While I am trying to cope and habituate to it .... I am realizing that my biggest fears with my tinnitus is related to Cognition, Concentration and Memory.
Since it has started I have noticed that it is harder for me to remember data and also to focus... (ex. My job requires me to work with a lot of data and sometimes I find myself doing an action and then feeling unsure if I actually had done it, or if I am to confirm a date in rush I can find it difficult to remember).
I do work with music and I have a Tinnitus playlist that helps me quite a lot.. but I still find myself struggling sometimes.
I can understand that one reason is because my mind is still overly preoccupied with the ringing and once I might get in a better habituation state it might be better but I also feel that when I go in my mental space to concentrate or to recall something it is harder because it feels like it has to pass through tinnitus to do so). This aspect of my tinnitus is the one that impacts me the most (fear of not being able to work properly due to it and feeling that I am becoming less smart due to it) and the one that posses the most risk to spiral me back into a depression, so would like to hear your experience with this side of tinnitus and your advices.
Thank you!!
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Norcotter
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hi Norcotter I forget things. Knowledge of things which I know can get smaller. Concentrating and try to take things in is torture. I take medication and then 5 minutes later I think did I take my tablet and I have had to sometimes count them to see if I have took it. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Norcotter Welcome. It sounds as if you're coping relatively well. Good for you. What you describe isn't unusual in the early days or when there's a change in sound(s) or volume. It can be very intrusive and this in turn is a distraction. At first I couldn't read anything - without having to re-read several times. It's no longer a problem now unless I'm having a bad day. Hopefully your focus will return to normal over time. T doesn't affect brain power - as far as I know!
Thank you for your answer and I am happy to hear that you are able to read. I am starting to believe that I might be able to do it again as well.
There is a study (I do not know how to read all of it, but I am able to read the conclusion ) that concludes that there might be some negative influence to cognitive performance (especially crystallized intelligence)
I believe that there are many variable to it as well, as in my case tinnitus does not seem to affect my capacity to figure out things but that has always been a strength for me, yet memorizing and recalling have been weaker throughout my life so they seem to be more affected by it. I am hopping that once I will manage to change some of my mental responses to tinnitus and learn to feel safe in my head space in spite of it things will improve.
I think that I might have also developed a sort of "what if I did not do it right" sort of anxiety response and probably I would have to work on that first before I can see improvements.
I believe you will Norcotter It just takes time. There's a lot of truth in what you say about our response to T . Remember it's not a case of right or wrong. It's what works for you. Be kind and patient with yourself. You'll get there.
A very positive attitude. It certainly will get easier.I have the very same problem with cognition, concentration and memory (though they go hand in I suppose). This has been one of the toughest challenges for me. I've requested a diagnosis for ADHD, but that's another story.
I tell people I didn't hear (making a light-hearted reference to my hearing loss) that though it's because I struggle to focus. It is tiring, so easy to zone out or loose track trying to process information. I find this very difficult on the phone and online chat (though I can enable captions). Still reading is tiring.
So in short I blame hearing loss but is 90% lack of focus and ability to concentrate.
However, even though I've habituated and as you say I can do it again. I've been having spikes and relapsed recently. I've put this down to stress at work and the spiralling increased noise in my head. Also insomnia which gets worse. When I'm both stressed and not able to take my mind off of the tinnitus. Memory issues are common with depression, the two go hand in hand, so I've put memory and cognition down to my mental state, fatigue, not to mention the insomnia.
Thank you for sharing you experience with me. It really helps to feel as I am not alone. I am very sorry to hear that you have relapsed, I hope it will get better soon.
I can relate to tinnitus being harder to manager during stressful times. I see it as our mental energy is limited and we are using quite a lot of it to manage our tinnitus, however if something happens we do not have to go through only stress, we go through stress and tinnitus. If we are tired we do not go through only through being tired we go through being tired and tinnitus.
I also think it might be connected with the fact that when we are stressed our brains enters flight or fight mode, that is trying really hard to find what is threating us and in our case tinnitus is always there to act as a scapegoat.
My goal is to try to work on my mental reactions to these problems and hopefully that would help. I have developed some fears around tinnitus and cognition and am hopping that once I figure a way on how to deal with them things would improve, if they would not improve maybe it would allow me to find inventive way to work around them.
Thank you for the kind wishes, hopefully both of us will be able to find our own ways to diminish the negatives of tinnitus to a point where it doesn't bother as much.
I am betting my positivity on the PROMISE a person (also suffering from tinnitus) made on an Youtube video about living with tinnitus that went something like this:
"I had to accept that this was a part of me right now, may not be forever but at that moment in time it was there and I had to accept that. So that meant I had to start to be okay with that. So that also required a lot of patience, this is not something achievable overnight, it took me months and months and months, even probably years to really get to the point where I am now, where it does not bother me. I promise you it does not bother me if somebody took my my tinnitus away tomorrow, I'd be like yeah that's okay, that's cool but it wouldn't make a massive difference to me"
Don't forget you're never alone. You're doing all the right things and it will get better. Just like I know my spike at the moment will subside again. I'm battling on because despite the stress, I have a very rewarding job.
This forum has helped tremendously over the years.
I struggle with concentration as well as memory due to the distraction of my T. Some days it's OK, but other days it's brutal and I really struggle to focus. I'm out of work, but trying to get a job. Previously worked it IT/security and I have serious doubts about my ability to function in those type of roles. Trying to decide whether to bin my whole career and go for something min wage that I can manage.
Thank you for sharing. I am in a similar position about questioning my ability to function in my role. Last year I moved in a somewhat technical support role. I have worked hard my entire life to constantly grow and I was so happy to get this new opportunity.
Not long after tinnitus started to be bothersome, at the start only here and there on some days, but then over time it became upsetting most of the time and when I became depressed it became upsetting all the time.
I worked with crickets sounds, with violin sounds, with static tv sounds and in my bad days with High Pitched Tinnitus Neuromodulation sounds (if I did not had tinnitus some of those sounds would be torture for me, but now they are the closest thing to having a sense of quiet).
Had several times where I was at home, in front of my computer working on a case, in tears that I was not sure I would able to do this job anymore and everything that I have worked hard for is taken away from me because of Tinnitus. To be honest I still have the fear, but I will try my best with what I have.
My luck is, that I work from home and it does allow me to use any sort of distraction that might help me with tinnitus. (Vivaldi's Cello concerts where the first one that helped me a lot as there aren't relatively many pauses in the songs, are at a pitch that will mask my tinnitus (not always though, on the days where my tinnitus is spiking it doesn't help), no voices to distract me and are varied. But I also had listened to 8 hours of brown noises, rain noises that my brain would refuse after a certain period of time (it feels as it gets bored of the monotony of it).
Even with that sometimes I do work more than my hours to fell that I am on par with my colleagues.
I really hope you will find a job soon and one that you would want to do.
Well done on being able to start to engage socially again after your T increase, I know how hard that is and continue to struggle with this aspect of well-being. I really think that part of ongoing T therapy should be a clinical neuropsych examination. I have cognitive problems caused by cancer and cancer treatment. I also have arthritic pain which distracts from mental acuity. I honestly think that with a reasonable employer I could have continued to work with any one of these conditions or maybe even a combination of two of the three but the cumulative effect of the three together with an employer who said they could accommodate the need to work in a distraction reduced and ground floor environment but "couldn't make the job less busy" - in other words we not going to do anything to accommodate the slower pace at which you're able to work or drip feed you work so that you're only dealing with one task at a time finished me and I left work, on sick leave, after many months of feeling I was hanging on by my finger nails and a particularly difficult incident at work that I would have handled very differently and taken in my stride had it not been for trying to handle the cumulative affects of three different conditions. The battery of neuropsych tests I had resulted in a finding of poor executive function, slow processing speed and poor visual working memory (the latter two being so reduced from the test of pre-morbid functioning that it would be expected in only 1% of the population) and severe stress more likely to be a result of the reduced cognitive functioning than a cause. Now these results may be devastating but, for me, it meant I wasn't losing my marbles, as I had feared. It meant that I knew what was wrong, I could put a name to it, I could work on accepting what I couldn't change and make adjustments to my life to accommodate the limitations and focus on what I could do around these limitations. It meant I no longer had to make excuses because of hearing loss or being "at a difficult age". The T is still with me and less unmanageable IF I have a distraction free environment, do only one thing at a time and without time pressure therefore being able to go over a task as many times as needed to check that I've got it right (sometimes I celebrate that I've got it right first time but the number of times I discover an error when rechecking means that I never trust myself to get it right first time or, because of the poor visual working memory I forget the information I've seen before being able to perform the necessary operation on it without checking back).
In summary, be kind to yourself, strive to achieve what you can whilst giving yourself time and recognise what you can no longer do or can only do occasionally and in the right environment; things that may have formerly been easy or even automatic. Get all the help you can, medically (including a neuropsych analysis), socially and employment wise. Get some advice on career options, even think the unthinkable; can I continue to work at all (we all have different circumstances and only you know yours), celebrate what you can do and appreciate the sometimes unexpected opportunities that come with making unwanted changes in your life. Get some financial guidance too, as a result of doing so I found that I may qualify for a Personal Independence Payment. Finally, in my experience, you are absolutely right, T can cause or exacerbate cognitive difficulties in some domains even though it may leave other areas of cognitive functioning intact.
Hi Rustreloaded thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that you had to go through so many problems at the same time and that your workplace showed so little empathy to your life situation. I am moved by your story and I am also inspired by your not giving up attitude, your willingness to move forward in spite of everything and your desire to figure it out.
Another thank you is required for your many sound advices. I love your advice to be kind to oneself, I hope to be able to remember it at my worst.
Hi, I've had pulsatile tinnitus for the last 3 years and have similar concerns to yours. Having recently taken a job as opposed to being self-employed where my PT wrecked any chance of being able to stick to a routine due to sleep exhaustion I found myself feeling depressed about my job prospects. Still the interview went well and I was offered a job. It's taken a lot of self-control to get used to the new routine and I have to take things a day at a time. I've been upfront and honest with my employer about all my health conditions and they seem supportive of a lot of staff with various health issues. I have concentration problems and at first found working in an office with others very hard to deal with (mainly due to noise). Luckily some days I'm able to work from home but still have problems when I have to work from the office and have MS Teams calls as I cannot use headphones because it sets my PT off worse. I have to try find a separate room which isn't easy so I try and plan inadvance and shift my days around where possible.I have to constantly write things down to try and keep track of things so it's best to find something that works for you I.e. an excel document (the same one as your data is on or a separate one summarising subjects completed or just notes). It all helps.
Plus if you feel your workplace may support you and accept it as a disability (long-term health condition) without having for someone external to officially class it as a disability, then they may be able to provide reasonable adjustments - these could be as simple as allowing extra time for you (to check), or someone else to check your work or give you a bit of extra time to complete a task, reduce pressure on you etc. Pressure gives me bad tension headaches and a sense of panic so it helps no-one if I'm made to feel like that from others.
I pretty much have to switch off all tvs etc and force myself to go to bed at 10.30pm weekdays and set my alarm early to give myself time to listen to music in the morning for at least 30mins to try and chill out. Music is one of the best and only things I've found helps and it boosts my mood. I typically listen to country as it has very little bass etc.
Better sleep will also help with better memory and it may take a while long-term for things to get better. Keep doing the things you love and since you're already employed, try and find coping mechanisms and at least make your line manager aware you have your condition so they have some idea. I know it's sometimes a worry they may look down upon it but it's not like you're refusing to do the work and a lot of employers are better now, especially around wanting to give a public presence of supporting people's mental health.
Keep making the effort to go outside (especially in better weather), take care of yourself, eat properly, take vitamins, get some exercise (even if only walking). Don't expect a miracle cure but one step at a time will lead to a path to help you get back on track. My PT still drives me insane but the routines help. I find myself forgetting spellings of words I know I used to know - maybe do some crosswords etc. Take time to relax. Find what works for you. Good luck!
I’ve had it for quite a while, as a metal fan and avid concert attendee. A number of years back, I aggravated it and made it worse by playing music loudly through ear buds. I stopped doing that as well as reducing the volume in the car. I don’t know that it ever goes away or if there is treatment, but it’s definitely been less intense since reducing the causes
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