'Happy' T-anniversary to me

[Mrshanson]

Evening all, well a year ago today I was just starting with my tinnitus, after a sudden-ish hearing loss over a few days, I had little idea what absolute misery could be inflicted by ears! Or what dark days lay ahead.

I spent the first few weeks in absolute despair, constantly on the verge of a major panic attack, unable to sit still, concentrate for 5 minutes, sleep or eat, I lost a lot of weight.

As the weeks dragged on and nothing changed, the panic, at least, subsided, life kind of went on, in its altered form, I was 'coping' I suppose, I had to for my kids. But things were very up and down, I was miserable and struggling to imagine the future with this horrendous condition.

Anyway the big turning point for me was finally getting my hearing aids after 9 long months, the moment it went in my ear the T volume turned down by about 90% and I cried. I'm still having plenty of ups and downs, still have bad phases, especially at night times, but the good far outweighs the bad now, there's light at the end of my tunnel. I know that whatever the future holds I can cope.

So I just wanted to post a positive story! Hope some of you guys who are very new to this can find some comfort from it. I won't say I'm at the stage where it doesn't bother me at all just yet but I know, in time, I will get there, and so will you.

P.S I saw a tinnitus councillor at my audiology dept on Friday and she was so helpful. She said 90% of people with hearing loss have significant tinnitus, but in fact everyone has it, most people are just not tuned in to it. She said it's just a part of me now and I have to just accept it's there for good. Simple words that don't mean much when you're in despair but they seemed to resonate with me.

Best wishes to you all -Bev x

[Lesley2065]

Hi Bev,

A lovely positive story and so glad your learning to live with T as best as you can. Ive had mine for 21 months now and like you was horrified at first and found it hard to deal with especially with sleeping. I had cbt which didnt really help and been to audiology and got hearing aide with a masker but that didnt seem to help as just made me focus on tinnitus so decided for the time being not to use it. These days Im coping with the ups and downs much better. Have carried living as normally as possible and am in a much better place. My T still whistles as loudly as ever but i do have at least 2 days of the week when its not so loud so Im thankful for a bit of respite. I drink cherry juice at night and use sound therapy to help with getting off to sleep and if its really bad, I take a melatonin tablet and my sleeping is so much better. Being stressed is a big trigger for mine getting worse so try to remain calm but thats easier said than done in this hectic life we lead. But i guess Ive accepted it for what it is and have learnt to accept that tinnitus is part of my life. I think I'll be ok as long as it doesnt get any worse. Having this forum has also made things easier to cope with it as it makes you realise that you are not alone and can ask questions or seek advice from others who all know what we're dealing with and that makes all the difference.

Hope using the hearing aide continues to give you relief.

Best wishes Lesley x

[Mrshanson in reply to Lesley2065]

Hi Lesley

Good to hear you're doing ok too, shame the CBT didn't work for you, I hear good things about it. I was offered it years ago for anxiety issues but didn't take it up.

No stress doesn't help, I find it's a balancing act to keep busy enough to be distracted but not so busy that it's causing stress.

I'm so glad I found this group, it helps so much to know I'm not alone.

Best wishes -Bev x

[Angela-H in reply to Lesley2065]

Hi Lesley, how are you settling into your new home? Nice that we have the summer to look forward to.

I don't know if you saw my last reply to you as I deleted the main post - my photo had been on the forum for long enough!

Like you, I find this forum a great source of positive advice and support.

I am about to cut the grass so where are those ear defenders?!! Love, Angela xx

[Angela-H]

Hi Bev, nice to read that you're coping better. My journey was/is the same as yours - panic and disbelief, not eating and I lost 2 stones (didn't need to!) I spent all day just sitting and looking into space! I couldn't sleep as it was so painful too. And, I was recovering from the major op which gave me the T ! GP and ENT were rude and useless but thank goodness for the NHS audiologist. I have hearing aid and master which calmed the T after a few weeks. I have kept on this forum the whole time as I felt so alone - the support and advice is genuine and kind. My life is not the same and I miss my extrovert self, but now I am introverted and prefer a very quiet life. At least my garden is well-kept and full of colour from all the time I spend in it!

You are doing well Bev after a short time, and I hope it continues for you. Love, Angela xx

[Mrshanson in reply to Angela-H]

Thank you Angela, hope you're doing ok. Quite sad to read how the T has changed your life and changed you from an extravert to to more of an introvert. Though your garden sounds lovely!

I've always been more of an introvert myself, I have a tendency to live in my own head too much and avoid social situations much of the time which I'm certain causes me to focus on the T too much.

Anyway, onwards and upwards eh? -Bev x

[Angela-H in reply to Mrshanson]

Yes Bev, my sister can't believe the personality change! I am a quiet person who has never liked loud environments, preferring Radio 4 when at home, but I always liked to be out of the house with like-minded friends. Nowadays, I prefer to be at home most of the time, where I can control the situation! I lived on my own for a few years whilst the children were at uni, but my son finished his 4 years last October and he is living at home, which helps to make sure that I don't completely cut myself off from society! I do see my bloke at weekends, he lives 50 miles away. My family are always there for me, it is just that I find having too much on my mind - as well as the tinnitus - stresses me. It certainly is a very strange beast. I do miss my old life, but there are certainly many worse things that can happen. I feel acutely sad at what has happened in Manchester and cannot imagine the pain those families are going through. Stay safe, love and best wishes, Angela xx

[NicTinnitus]

Good to hear your positive story, Bev. I hope it gives hope to other people struggling at the moment.

You've come a long way in the last year, all credit to you!

Best wishes

Nic (BTA Communications Manager)

[Mrshanson in reply to NicTinnitus]

Thank you nicBTA things are really good at the moment. Something seemed to click in my brain around the 1 year mark and it's not bothering me at all just now.

It's still there when I think about it but I'm managing to forget about it most of the time.

Hope it continues and gives hope and reassurance to those who are suffering just now, I wish the same for all of you - Bev x