Taking a break.

Need to take a break from many things for now while I figure out what I must do to move from my senior living environment and make changes in my life, To me it's a toxic, controlling, and a way in the US that shelves the elderly to keep us quiet, safe, and leading generally useless lives away from families who have their own lives to lead and don't feel we are as useful as we once were. Families and caregivers seem to think we enjoy playing bingo and having little coloring and beading classes with cookies and juice. God, what an awful way to live as a senior. It's making me grumpy, depressed, and irritable. I never thought 74 would be like this. Take care everyone. irina 1975

[Marz]

Change is good Irina ... do you have a plan ? Can you take a holiday somewhere away so you have a better chance of looking at the whole picture ? Maybe a different type of community where different activities are encouraged ... sorry I am not too familiar with the US system so unable to make helpful suggestions ... Stay in touch - as you have been doing so well and now sound a little down ... x

[Hidden in reply to Marz]

Hi Marz. I do have a plan. It involves first taking a computer course at my local university so I can use my computer better. (God knows my skills need improvement) Then I want to write a newsletter about the problems of aging. I have had this idea for a while as I think a large number of older people in group living situations no longer feel useful as this is not something that is addressed. I just wrote a new thread called "Response to Taking a Break". Would be interested in your thoughts. irina xx

[Marz in reply to Hidden]

Cannot see your new post Dear Irina ...

[Hidden in reply to Marz]

Maybe I forgot to push reply. Or naybe I posted it on my A fib forum. Will re-type prob tomorrow. I've created such a long thread that is off topic I hope it doesn't offend too many. But I don't see illnesses as separate from the rest of our bodies or our lives so maybe this thread will be helpful to some

[Marz in reply to Hidden]

Of course it is helpful. I read your AF thread too 😊 Looking forward to trading your next post ...

[shaws Administrator]

If you are reasonably fit and well there's no reason not to live in your own space - no matter how small.

We want our indpendence to do what we want. when we want and the simplest of decisions keep our mind alert i.e. what shall I do today: what will I have for breakfast etc.

I think most members would not want to give up their independence and would prefer living on their own. Of course, sometimes a 'sheltered' abode will suit those who are in ill-health.

[Hidden in reply to shaws]

I agree about how important our independence is and I think this is a huge area that is overlooked by younger caregivers. My atrial fibrillation is very well controlled now and with my new endo my thyroid resolution is on the upswing. So now it is time to tackle my knees which need replacements badly. This is important because as you say to be independent and out from under 'the system' we need to be as physically fit as possible. So appts are in place with ortho. I did have the knee consult in January and we agreed to wait until after my Watchman Procedure was done and I was completely off anticuagulants. I only have a few more days of Plavix then -ready to organize 'the knees. PS. My last day on Plavix is July 29th. Plan to take it with a glass of chanpagne! LOL. Take care. xx irina. ps still attending Sun Mass @ Sr Mary's. Thanks again.

[fortunata]

Bless you, Irina. In every post of yours, you come across as being intelligent and sparky, with a great sense of humour. I hope you find a solution that suits you. You certainly sound too young and vibrant to be in a senior living environment. Xx💖💐

[Hidden in reply to fortunata]

Thank you.😊 xx

[greygoose]

Oh, Irina, I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounds awful! They're treating you like children! That's one of the worst things about getting old, people think we're all senile! I'm only about half a year behind you, I'll be 74 next March. And, I will fight tooth and nail to keep my independance as long as possible. My own space, however unsuitable. I don't don't take kindly to being controlled, either!

I do hope you find a solution. And find it soon. So sad about the attitudes of family. My sons are a bit like that - although they would deny it! -

but I'm so lucky to have a daughter that cares, living just a short distance away.

Good luck, and take care. xxx

[Rapunzel in reply to greygoose]

Word. I couldn't imagine you in a senior's living environment gg.

Very best to you Irina. Find a new normal and safe journey xx

[greygoose in reply to Rapunzel]

I couldn't imagine it, either.

[Hidden in reply to greygoose]

Hi GG With all the input I'm getting I'm feeling better about myself, my brain has kicked in and lots of ideas are popping into my head. There are some difficult, gossopy mean women her who are quick with their sarcasm. I'm beginning to see them as unhappy who are also warehoused here and not getting their needs met.

[greygoose in reply to Hidden]

Yes, I'm sure you're right about that. It sounds like the sort of place where nobody could be happy! What you need is a revolution!

[Hidden in reply to greygoose]

Where is Che Guevara when you need him to organize a revolution? Ideas and architecture are SLOWLY changing but it won't happen in my lifetime. Thinking has to change first. IMO, one of the things that changed US society for the worse is after World War 2 when people started to be able to afford their own house. All of a sudden it was a sign of prosperity if each generation could afford their own home. The multigenerational family went to hell in a handbasket. Society fragmented and the family unit became much less important. And older people began to be viewed as less useful and more of a burden. That's my sociology talk for the day.

[greygoose in reply to Hidden]

Anyone can organise a revolution. They tend to take over and run themselves once they're started. You just need enough like-minded people to start it.

[Hidden in reply to greygoose]

OK. Sending around a sign up sheet!😊

[greygoose in reply to Hidden]

Good idea!

[Clarrisa]

It did seem when viewing places with my father that there was nothing in between the plush places open to the very affluent (outings to the San Francisco Symphony, etc.), & the more custodial care living arrangements available to the less affluent folks (T.V. entertainment) - as far as assisted living goes in Silicon Valley. It didn't help that my father waited until he was 90 to start this process rolling. You have time on your side I trust to locate some housing arrangements more to your liking. Good luck Irina, we will be rooting for you.

[G2G2]

Sorry to hear how you feel. My 90 year old mother lives in a senior apt. building in MD & likes it. She was isolated before with no social interaction. Friends & family had moved away. Was a major move from NYC to MD. Unlike many, it's located in a residential area & right on a bus line. I hate how most are built in the middle of nowhere, no sense of neighborhood & far from everything. Talk about being set adrift on an ice float. Fortunately, she can afford the expense. I wouldn't be able to. I'd wither in the environment you describe.

Understand. Yes, depressing. Hope you find a new home soon that is suited to your interests. Keep us posted on your progress. Sending good thoughts.

[sweetsusie]

I agree with you irina1975. I am 70 years old and worry about being dumped in a nursing home or assisted living place when I get reallly old! The US treats the elder and disabled like a bother. Most people here would just love it if we would all go away. My experience is that family is pretty much worthless. I have 2 brothers who are worthless..have never offered to help me with anything. Anyway, I could go on for hours, so I'll stop before I get on a total "rant." Good luck...put on your armor...don't let them get you down...wish you the best! Keep in touch!

[Hidden in reply to sweetsusie]

Hi Susie. I just finished writing a new thread: 'Response to taking a break' on my thyroid forum and will type it also on my a-fib forum this afternoon. I think many of us are on the same page. irina

[sweetsusie]

It appears to me that Asian people respect their elders and much of the time, these elders live with the children/grandchildren for the rest of their lives. Familys care for them and that's just the way it is with that culture. Americans...no way...go away...don't bother us..we're busy with our own lives...we own you nothing...

[FancyPants54 in reply to sweetsusie]

They do. A lot of Asian families in the middle of England where I live. They are very community based and elders live with the younger generations. Women rarely work, they take care of the home and family and the elder women all have duties and responsibilities to do each day.

Assisted living experience for me is the council owned place my Mother in Law lived. It was dreadful. I'd have died in a month living there. The "flats" were like cells. The heat was intolerable. There was nothing to do but watch TV all day.

How about getting a camper van and going off on a road trip for as many years as you are able? Got to be better than playing Bingo!

[Hidden in reply to FancyPants54]

Not a bad idea. I am on the lookout for a regular apt -nothing run by the system. I am taking my time because I have some healthcare to finish up, want to get my newsletter going and also talked wi th my sister who lives with her family in Orlando, Florida. We have had our issues in the past but it seems from out conversation 2 days ago the Universe is working things out for us. I want to live by myself but since my brother died 5 years ago I have no family here in Atlanta. So maybe will decide to move back to Florida. I'm beginning to believe all this stress and unhappiness is happening for a reason. It's forcing me to make needed changes. There is an author who I have liked for years. Her name is Carolyn Myss (pronounced like Mace). In one of her books she talks about change and how sometimes we need a push. I quote what she said. "Sometimes we need help changing. Sometimes our guardian angel has to sit on our shoulder and say:'Are you going to leave this job or do I need to get you fired?' " Since starting to address my problems I can last a little longer here because I can see a plan coming together and the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't mean to talk so much about myself but I believe a lot of us are in the same boat no matter what country we live in.

[FancyPants54 in reply to Hidden]

I don't have any children so there will be no disappointment for me on that front. Neither myself or my husband have brothers or sisters. It's just us. Things haven't gone exactly according to plan for us over the years and sometimes I panic when I think of the future. But realistically we have a lot of equity in our cottage, we own half the garden outright which is big enough to build a house on. So we do have options. And as I get older I don't think I want to always be worried about housework (well, 6 years of ill health have killed that anyway) or gardening etc. I'd be up for a much smaller house, provided it was still in a village. I'd consider a boat or a camper too. The thing is not to get trapped in fear or routine. 74 is no age. You have many years ahead yet to have fun, either on your own or perhaps with friends or your sister. At 74, a sheltered living environment is not a good vibe.

Go and watch Mamma Mia! Here we go Again!. Just released in the UK. Such a fun film and full of older women having a ball for inspiration. Meryl Streep is 69. I want to be like her when I'm 69. Beautiful and no one is about to tell her she's no use anymore.

[Hidden in reply to FancyPants54]

Will do. Fear is such a sneakything. I often feel fear about the future. But when I look back I've always had what I need and the Universe always comes through for me. I forget that too often.

[Hidden in reply to FancyPants54]

Reminds me of a wonderful movie from 2 or 3 years ago. Bought a used copy as it makes me smile when I need uplifting. I watch favorite movies over and over. The film is "The Lady in the Van" (2015) with Dame Maggie Smith. She is homeless, parks the van she lives in in the driveway of a nice house and proceeds to drive everybody nuts as only she can.

[FancyPants54 in reply to Hidden]

Oh, an absolute classic! Alan Bennet is such a funny writer/life commentator. Such a classic Northern attitude to life.

When I said a camper, I didn't quite have that kind of situation in mind...

[Hidden in reply to FancyPants54]

I figured you didn't but the memory of the movie was too good not to share!🐱 Maybe an RV with a hot tub?

[Hidden in reply to sweetsusie]

You're right. We have a small group of Koreans here and they are a family/community/village unto themselves. The Korean lady across the hall from me has ladies who care for her constantly. They not only cook and clean for her, do her laundry but they visit and often I can hear laughter and good times coming from her apt. She has had a stroke and could not be better taken care of if her own family were here. They are always cheerful too.

[sweetsusie]

Wow! I would faint if any of my family treated me that way!! I don't think I would be able to handle the shock!

[Hidden in reply to sweetsusie]

Me either. We would probably go into cardiac arrest!

[sweetsusie]

For sure, irina1975!! HAHA!!

[Hidden]

That is very good advice. I don't want to go from the frying pan into the fire. So I may sign another lease which I can break and move very slowly as I would like my next move to be my last. I thought this would be but'life happens while we're making other plans.' xx