I stopped working two years ago due to my Hashi's symptoms. I'm more well now than I was but still have a long way to go. I just started a new job that fits in with school hours and I'm helping people on the internet. It seems an ideal job but I am falling apart. I can't cope with the strain of a new job, learning how to do it, answering questions with the right tone, I have to find childcare during school hols for my 5 year old son, I've agreed to work 6 hours a day and I find that impossible to fit in, I feel mentally and physically exhausted by the end of the day and I have done no housework and can't cook for myself the way I know keeps me well. I find it hard to concentrate and berate myself for not doing enough work or concentrating. I feel like being busy all day every day is going to make me more sick and stop me from relaxing, exercising, eating well, starting counselling, reading self-help books. All the things I was looking forward to doing when my son started school. I feel like I have lost the chance to get well. The only reason for doing it is obviously we need the money. As well, I can't afford the supplements and acupuncture that might help me get well. And how will I ever get a better job that fits in with the school day? Even though it doesn't fit in with school hols. Now I've started it I will feel bad if I let my boss down and I feel I will embarrass her as she has just introduced me as someone who is there to help everyone. I just feel a worthless useless person who can't even do an easy at home job. I've always been excessively stressed by work. And by life in general. I am filled with anxiety and self-hatred all the time. If you are there and have any opinions, I would be glad to hear them.
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