When I received my IBS diagnosis two years ago I honestly felt like my life was over. I would never again be able to enjoy life carefree without having to worry about if my body was going to fail me at any time or would I ever be able to go to a restaurant and order any food off the menu without having anxiety about if there was anything I could eat at all. I lost the ability to eat some of my favourite foods and I lost the possibility of ever doing certain things in my future that I had planned such as travelling or going to fancy restaurants. I would forever be a burden on my friends/family as I couldn't eat where they would want to and would be deemed reclusive from turning down so many offers. I would also be living a life of illness with no chance of a cure. So faced with these facts I broke down and cried for days mourning the old me and dreading the new me to come.
Luckily once I had figured out some of my triggers I was able to gain confidence in my body a bit more and wasn't so afraid of going outside the house anymore. Nowadays I have nausea to mainly contend with but as I'm pretty much used to it I can get on with life. However, two weeks ago I had all gotten too overwhelming again. I had planned a surprise birthday weekend for my boyfriend with his family but during the family meal at his house I had an extreme bout of nausea and had to leave the meal having hardly eaten anything. I felt so self conscious about it and also sad as I had been planning it for so long. I guess the stress had gotten to me from all the planning and had affected my body. My boyfriend checked up on me upstairs to find me crying. I was so upset that my body had failed me again and that I will never lead a normal life. I'll always have to deal with my stupid body messing up when I least expect it and I miss being normal. I'm tired of living this life but it is what it is and I just need to suck it back up and deal with it.
I just wanted to know if any of you have at times just broken down about it all? Even if you were going strong like I was for nearly 2 years. Is there a point where we can fully 100% accept who we are now? I would like that to happen and not have my issues bother me but it is so hard to compare my life to what it was over two years ago when I was normal...I really wish I appreciated what I had back then.
Thanks for listening x