Don't wanna seem stupid

[SilentSinger55]

So I'm pretty sure I have an eating disorder but I'm not sure. I go through weeks where I'll barely eat and feel guilty every time I do. During these times I count my calories and look up diets and low calorie food online. I also go through weeks where I won't eat anything all day and then binge and purge at night. And then I have those like, three days a month where I just eat a ton and feel super guilty so I lay in bed all day and hide from the world. This has been happening for probably a year now and people have their suspicions but nobody really knows. I've decided that it's probably a good time to bring it up to my doctor because it's starting to really affect my mental health but I'm technically obese (according to the BMI scale) and I don't want to seem attention seeking or stupid. My mom also sits in on my appointments and I'd feel really uncomfortable. And I've been out of treatment for over a year now which is the longest ever and I don't want to go back...I will if it's what's best though. Any advice or thoughts? Anything's appreciated...

[WiltedFlower]

hey, im sorry people no one has responded yet. Anyway, could this be a stress thing? I think if it were an eating disorder thing it would be a continuous thing. But im no professional. 'nother question, have you told your care provider?

[SilentSinger55 in reply to WiltedFlower]

I'm sorry that this post was confusing. It is a continuous thing I just switch between different behaviours. I haven't talked to my doctor or therapist mostly because the one time I tried, they made me feel stupid but now it's getting worse but I don't want to seem attention seeking or stupid again.

[WiltedFlower in reply to SilentSinger55]

you should still speak with them. this definitely sounds like an eating disorder. even if they sound kind of invalidating, remember that they are your health care providers and have your best interest in heart and want to help you. there might just be an explanation to their reactions.

[Hope47]

Hi, you definitely need to speak to someone about this and forget your BMI...you can still have a BMI that is considered normal or above and have an eating disorder.

I have a normal BMI; most days I try and restrict; have periods where I will binge & purge and have a laxative addiction! I have a preoccupation with food. I was diagnosed with ‘atypical’ anorexia. By the sounds of it, what you are doing is making you pretty miserable and you are starting to question things...seek help. Maybe try a phone line like BEAT or ABC before you make a Drs appointment. I’m not sure if your age but you could maybe just make an appointment, go on your own and then talk to your mum. Or, if you have a good relationship with your mum, tell her what’s going on and explain that you want to get help-hopefully she’d be supportive with that.

Hope you get the help you need. X

[crazycrossstitcher]

You clearly need to go back to get more help - don't let this pattern continue any longer - I think you realise that things are not right - so please do get some more support.

[katidid]

You’re not stupid at all! Quite the opposite: you’ve recognized a serious problem and are thinking of getting help. Which 1000000% you should do. It sounds like you are wrestling with a lot in your mind and body. As for your mom, it’s ok to ask for privacy. It’s time for you to have a safe space to work through this. So, even if it’s hard or she might push back, just say you’re doing your appts alone from now on and you’ll involve her when you need to. Over involved parents can make things worse. Some of my fellow in remission friends have reported the same exact think. For me, my parents turned a blind eye. Total sweep it under the rug scenario. Took me 20 yrs, but I finally called them out on it! Better late than never lol. In your case, be strong and stand up for you! ❤️