Being stuck in foreign body ..

[agama]

Not sure where to go from here, things are going down the hill so fast again...deep down I know I’m fine ..but I feel so alone ...every day I aim to achieve something...but everything come to a numbers..numbers are responsible how I feel and how my day is going. I’m so tired..I went to GP but I’m still ok..I know I’m fine..My BMI is just below 16 so it’s not even low ..I just can’t find the solution why I’m feeling this way, why food has no taste and just thinking about it makes me feel unwell..my body is not mine as it’s too big..too uncomfortable...and just seeing everyone looking so radiant makes me more paranoid about numbers, numbers in everything...yes I could go back to GP ..but hearing again that I’m fine will break me, I look fine but inside I’m crushing down...anyone have a solution how to snip out from this state ...I have a long history of ED ..but I don’t think this time it’s ED talking as there is so many facts ... just feel so alone ..

[lillyofthevalley37]

It's your body but it has a foreigner in it called ED that wants to take over

You need to find your strength and take back control not easy but that's what you have to do

If you are religious ask God for strength

Try to separate what is you and what is the ED

You must eat even if you don't want to this is the most important thing to do in defiance of ED - you can only get better by eating

You can only win by eating which is the opposite of what your ED wants

Edit - as others have said a BMI of under 16 is 15 and if you were under 18 yrs of age in UK you could be sectioned and put into inpatients so you are very ill indeed

[agama in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I don’t see myself as unwell to the point of being ill. I want to eat and I do eat..but the same time I don’t ..I don’t even know if it’s an ED, but u are right..maybe i should look for a strength ..tomorrow is a new day .. thank u x

[Caroline74]

Dear agama you are NOT fine. A bmi of below 16 is anorexic and very ill. It is WAY too low. And will be affecting your mood and thinking. You sound very unhappy and unwell. I urge you to go back to your GP or a different GP if necessary and maybe take a friend or family member and tell them you desperately need help as you are not coping. You need a referral to an Eating Disorder Service.

Sending you a hug x

[agama in reply to Caroline74]

I have been under ED services for such a long time and they discharged me as I wasn’t making any progress.. I didn’t find them helpful at all, as everything was around gaining weight and food ..I was happy to be discharged but now few years after when things are going bad I feel so alone .. I’m working full time but everything is becoming a struggle ... and I don’t think I’m able to ask for help..I do get days when I’m fine and nothing is bothering me ...but some days dark clouds are covering my mind ..is like being in a loop, happy loop of my own world x

[annew1959]

Hi agama

If the GP said that you are fine... You need to find a new GP. BMI of 16 is very low and will be messing with your brain... Not sure what you mean by numbers is that (calories) .... You need to be very very strong to beat ED .... As at the moment you are not in control and not fine. as previously mentioned if you are religious ask for strength and guidance every day. As each and every day is a struggle. 2 steps forward 1 step back but at least its a start. wishing you all the best STAY STRONG you can do it

[agama in reply to annew1959]

Im sure I will be fine ..it’s just a dark cloud ..im a bit lost ..and usually I’m fine in myself ..just last few weeks when things has gone downhill quickly...but tomorrow is a new day and new strength... xx

[m7-cola in reply to agama]

From what I’ve learnt about ED there are many ‘ups and downs’ and upsets. You seem to be aware of this and are continuing in your battle to stay well. My heart goes out to you.

[agama in reply to m7-cola]

There are up and downs, and after being ill for over 20years I know that ED is a part of me ..and I can’t function without it...but this time hit me badly, but I get that after no eating at some point food will happen so it’s not that bad. Thank you for understanding xx hope u well xx

[m7-cola in reply to agama]

Thank you. I am well. But I’m very sad because my lovely grand daughter of 17years old has been sectioned and is in hospital being treated for anorexia.

[agama in reply to m7-cola]

Im so sorry but she is in a sagę hands getting help. I kind of know how hard it is as been sectioned myself for nearly 3 years ..sending you strength and good vibes xx

[m7-cola in reply to agama]

Thank you. And mine to you.xxx

[Prob79]

Dear Agama,

Please be patient with your dark feelings, and disciplined with this dangerous desire to restrict. You are not alone, I am sure you can still find gentle, real help, if you keep seeking it.

God bless you for His dear Son's sake,

[agama in reply to Prob79]

Im sure i will be fine and i shouldnt panic ..there is more ill people than me and they have to manage life. I don’t need help, I’m not sick..it’s a dark cloud xx

[Prob79]

I agree panic is no answer, but nor is denying the seriousness of the problem, you do need help - I can't help you more here, but I will pray you find it. Jas. 4.8

(I don't write such things for mere comfort, but because they're reliable & true - I was brought up an atheist).