How to talk to your GP

[Kessa]

Hi guys, I was wondering about how should I tell my Gp that I no longer restrict, my weight is more than ok, and so technically everythings is fine but in my head everything still revolves around my food issues.

Kind of see myself just as a Ed sufferer or a Ed fighter or whatever..when what I wish I could do it's just forget about it and create a new me. But seems impossible when you can escape so many things trough your Ed and just by restricting. Maybe it's just because this impacted me a lot or maybe it's because I haven't still found ways to relieve my anxiety that I lean on it so much.

I'm struggling with overthinking and wish I could go back to restrict (don't hate me sorry, don't want to offend anyone) and anxiety is killing me so..I wish I could find my true passions and what I really am but how do I explain this to someone when I'm so healthy on the outside but still see my past Ed as so invasive?

Really don't know how to ask for help and what I should say.

[Sparkles07]

Hi Kessa, well done on no restricting and we'll done on recognising your anxiety is still there & your ed was a coping mechanism for it.

I found support groups really helpful although at the time I kind of went there silently kicking & screaming. ..

I still go 7 yrs in....I use the 12 step fellowships & feel extremely grateful as I had to get to the Root cause of my anxiety depression addiction.

Then I had to accept help to learn to Love Myself....💖

[crazycrossstitcher]

Be honest - tell your GP how you feel inside - EDs are not just about the weight or the food - but the issues, thoughts and feelings around this too - I don't know if you've had any counselling - but it does sound as though - whilst you've conquered the restricting issue - which is fantastic and great achievement - the emotional/mental side of things continues - so do seek some help - from my experience unless the underlying issues are tackled the ED continues to be the "elephant in the room."

[Kessa]

Thank you guys, Waiting now to get an appointment and then I'll try to be as open as possible and hope she understands and maybe she can refer me to someone.

I did some counselling who I' ve recently terminated due moving to Uk.

That helped with a lot of things although my therapist was kind of reluctant to talk about food issues and weight. I think all she wanted was ' distracting' me from the thoughts about food and explore underline issues but that kind of left me feeling as she was dismissing my issues or she was bored and didn't want to hear about it. So basically I' m aware about some of my issues but cannot link them to my Ed and have no clue why my Ed even started.

I think body image is a big part of it, i kind of find impossible to accept having a body which is ' growing up'. I' m not scared about eating but more about my body shape.

Sparkles I know what you mean sometimes I felt i was going to therapy kicking and screaming too. Especially when my restriction got better.

Elephant in the room yeah, is exactly how I feel about it like a shadow always being there.

[Smarsh]

I'm in a similar position to you and I recently found a really helpful way of explaining it to people. I wrote about it in this article: themighty.com/2017/01/menta...

Others in the same position have read the article and told me that it was really useful to explaining to others why they still struggle despite being a healthy weight and having fairly normal eating patterns. Hope it helps!

[Kessa in reply to Smarsh]

Hi Smarsh,

Your article is amazing and true so thank you for sharing.

I feel pretty much like described in the article. I felt like ' recovery' from the behavioural sympthoms happened too fast leaving me confused and panicking. Although no one forced me into therapy, as soon as I saw I couldn't restrict anymore I felt as I was being backstabbed by someone inside me.

After ' recovering' from the behavioural sympthoms I spent 1 year forcing my body to align to my mind. Taking diet pills and laxatives but feeling a fake cause I knew I was just replicating purposely previous sympthoms. After ' accepting' recovery I became the healthy and happy girl everyone saw before the Ed but as you write inside i m feeling in the middle of a war between my mind and my body and still trying to understand the meaning of my desire of being so small.

This helped me a lot and for sure can help a lot of people to put in words something that otherwise feels impossible to explain.

[Smarsh in reply to Kessa]

Hey, thanks for what you said about the article

It's so tough, but every day your deny your mind for the sake of your body, you are making a tiny step towards overcoming your mind. I recently started having therapy again (2 weeks ago) and at first I felt really guilty for even being referred because 'there's nothing wrong with me now' and for sure others need it more than I do. I think I've gotten over that now, and some useful things are coming out of it.

So one of the things I'm having to do is keep a food diary, which is tough, but part of it is about writing down how you feel after every meal/snack - that's been helpful to point out that there's still a lot of disordered thoughts going on. When I feel guilty or fat or regretful or panicked after eating a meal I now have to write down what 'food rule' I perceive that I'm breaking, and then I think next week we'll challenge some of those rules. That's definitely been useful because it's made me realise that a lot of the negative thoughts come from the fact that I still have all of these idealistic anorexic food rules but now I'm breaking them multiple times a day (in a good way) - I'm not a rule-breaker by nature, so that feels really wrong, hence the turmoil.

Don't know if that helps! x

[Kessa in reply to Smarsh]

I m very happy that you started therapy again. I know what you mean probably, that voice that tells you ' after all am not dying'. But I think you deserve it and you were brave to challenge yourself and seek help in the first place. I m a little bit scared too because i don't know if I even have disordered thoughts anymore but for sure I lost some freedom after my ed.

Omg, i think i would feel a bit triggered by writing a food diary but i guess it's easier with the support and guidance of a therapist. I don't have 'rules' anymore, I really eat everything i like but more that not being a ' rule breaker' maybe i miss not having any self- imposed rule to follow. In that sense maybe for me the challenge would be not having rules about food and still feeling i m eating healthy and i m not out of control.

Thanks for talking about your therapy, physical Eds therapy always scared me but the mental part of recovery scares me the most because I m always wondering what i should expect from therapy ( and since I have no insight about my Ed causes i see it like a blank point in my mind=)

Big good luck with your recovery, I know it's tough but I know will be worthy!x